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The Magpies are flying and I’m old, free and happy

1 month ago

I have joint custody with my former wife of the our family dog Little Edd, so against my better judgement I reluctantly accepted her request for a stroll along the North Shields Fish Quay on Saturday.

For many years my brothers have referred to us as Sid and Nancy (Sex Pistols fame), due to our turbulent relationship.

I cannot get in the Tynemouth Lodge at the top of Tanners Bank because of an altercation with a cheeky bloke in there nearly five years ago, so we had a couple of halves on the way down to the Quay and a pint in The Ship’s Cat.

It was edging towards the Newcastle United kick off against Arsenal when we entered Sam Fender’s local, The Lowlights Tavern.

Things have changed down here considerably, even the former outdoor bogs in the Tavern are now enclosed.

The Lowlights Tavern doesn’t show live football and a lot of the younger folk absconded to the Tap House to watch our game.

The ex-wife was getting warmed up faster than Eddie’s Hotrods though and it was yours truly who was in for his annual roasting as the white wine tickled her tonsils.

We got divorced for a few reasons and one of them was my first love, Newcastle United.

I started my relationship with the Toon as a teenager and nobody ever forgets their first love do they?

We had decided to stay in the spacious Tavern and Sandra had struck up conversations with the other customers, with her being a popular barmaid in there many years ago.

This is when it started going t.ts up.

I couldn’t get involved and was irritating her, constantly looking at my phone.

As the game wore on goalless, I was becoming ever more confident of Newcastle United pulling off a win and when Flash’s goal was confirmed, I jumped out of my seat and proclaimed “Get in you F…ing B…ards.”

This went down like the Hindenburg amongst some of the posh company and it didn’t take long for ‘Nancy’ to jump on my back as usual.

“He cannot effin leave the house without thinking about them.”

“Why have you always got to be the loudest ar…ole in the bar?”

Just a couple of her vocal reactions.

I didn’t give one (a reaction) and when the final result was confirmed, I sat back contentedly.

I took all her further insults with a smile on my face, personal garbage such as how I was an embarrassment to the kids with my Kitchener moustache etc.

Who cares, she went hyem with Edd and I had a couple of whiskeys and contemplated how far my team has come.

The Magpies are flying and I’m old, free and happy.

Happy days.


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