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Opinion

Newcastle United fan compiles CV to compete with Steve Bruce for NUFC management role

2 weeks ago
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A Newcastle United fan wishing to remain anonymous for the time being, has touched the limits of desperation, for the sake of better results.

The young lad has compiled his footballing CV in an emergency bid to provide an alternative to Steve Bruce.

Sources say Lee Charnley would be “blown away” by this CV, with the only possible problem being the line where “honesty and integrity” were mentioned.

Other predictions have been made about the skills section as well, with this young Newcastle United fan listing a lot of points that are not possessed by Steve Bruce.

While it is uncertain whether the current manager would be either angry or amused by this bold job seeker, it’s fair to say that he (Steve Bruce) will be about getting the balance right.

The Newcastle United fan CV has now been made public to readers of The Mag to judge if they would rather stick with Bruce, or give this unnamed fellow a try…?

FOOTBALLING CV (Of a for the time being, remaining anonymous Newcastle United fan)

PERSONAL STATEMENT

A highly organised and disciplined football coach with excellent communication and conflict
resolution skills.

A concerned Newcastle United fan who is ready to take on the challenge of the relegation
battle this year.

He is known to avoid throwing his players under the bus, and also for actually trying
out formations in training, rather than “unfortunately dropping” into them.

EXPERIENCE

Lifelong (current) – TV Manager

Screams gameplan at players who, unfortunately, can’t hear.

2011-2020 – Manager (Newcastle, Manchester United, Tottenham, Arsenal… on PlayStation)

Drew up game plans

Made game-changing substitutions

Managed transfers and club finances

Brought youth players through the ranks

2017 – Manager (unnamed 5-a-side team)

Drew up game plans

Assigned roles to players

Fostered team spirit

Led team to the finals

2016 – Player Manager

Led training sessions

Drew up game plan and assigned roles

Led team to semi-finals but withdrew due to personal reasons

SKILLS / ATTRIBUTES

Confidence in press conferences

Honesty and Integrity

Actual knowledge of football tactics

Prevents training ground bust-ups

Studies players strengths and weaknesses

Good sense of humour

Shows by his words (during pressers) that he actually manages the team

Has never managed Sunderland

FOOTBALLING EDUCATION

YouTube, Television and local experience

Aspiring towards UEFA licensure

Arsene Wenger and Pep Biographies.

PLAYING CAREER

2003-2017 (Local teams)

Centre forward: 8 goals in 6 games, by official record (1000 goals in 500 games, by “Pele” record)

Also played attacking midfield, Right back and Centre back

REFEREES:

Available on request.

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