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Opinion

Would I lie to you? Starring Mike Ashley and Lee Charnley…

3 weeks ago
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No sign of Mike Ashley of course, whilst Lee Charnley has once again surpassed himself, winning Gold for GB this summer in the hide and seek event. They still haven’t found Charnley in order to present him with his medal…

All very strange because just over two years ago, ahead of Steve Bruce’s very first game, Lee Charnley and Mike Ashley promised a revolution at Newcastle United, in terms of communicating with and showing respect for Newcastle fans.

We still didn’t hear Lee Charnley actually speak of course…his ‘communication’ was by the medium of the club programme for the Arsenal home game that kicked off the 2019/20 Premier League season.

However, in quotes attributed to him, Charnley apologised on behalf of himself and Mike Ashley, saying that the lack of communication with Newcastle fans had been totally unacceptable and this would be changing with immediate effect. With far more regular communication etc etc from club owner and CEO blah blah blah.

In particular, Lee Charnley said / wrote, that their previous communication ‘strategy’ of leaving all communicating to whoever happened to be manager / head coach (stooge, patsy..) would most definitely no longer be the case.

Last Thursday we saw Steve Bruce (latest head coach, stooge, patsy…) appear on BBC Radio Newcastle to answer ‘all’ the questions we as fans wanted answered. It was a predictable waste of everybody’s time, we learnt nothing and the questions we would all like answered by those in charge at Newcastle United weren’t even asked, for whatever reason…

There again, even if the pivotal questions had been asked, what would have been the point? As hopeless as Steve Bruce is as manager / head coach, it isn’t his job to answer all of those questions that are way beyond his responsibility / control, particularly as Mike Ashley insisted he had that title of head coach, making it absolutely clear to everybody that Bruce had no say at all in anything apart from coaching and picking the team.

So anyway, as the title of this article suggests, I have decided to review the running of our club by the medium of game shows, panel shows, quiz shows…

Would I lie to you?

This is a panel show where each player reveals unusual facts and embarrassing tales. Some of these are true; some are not and it is up to the other team (and viewers / fans) to spot which are lies are which are true.

As outlined above, with Mike Ashley and Lee Charnley, when they never ever speak to Newcastle fans it is thus a but tricky to spot any truth or lies.

Though of course we can certainly spot that lie from August 2019 when Mike Ashley and Lee Charnley promised respect for fans and proper communication with them going forward.

Family Fortunes

The Ashley family of course are the winners every year / season in this one.

Since buying Newcastle United and ruthlessly using it to promote the rest of his business empire at the expense of the football club, Mike Ashley and his family have seen their family fortune increase massively, from billionaire to multi-billionaire.

The Charnley family of course aren’t doing too badly either, the former club secretary now shown to have earned £675,000 in the latest accounts for the 2019/20 season, not a bad reward in return for doing Ashley’s bidding.

Lee CharnleyYou can of course add in the Bruce family as well. The Championship level manager also amply rewarded for taking on the stooge role after being plucked from the second tier by Ashley, who recognised his qualities…

Pointless

Whilst the family fortunes of the Ashley, Charnley and Bruce families are on the rise, Newcastle United kick off the season in chaos and no realistic proper investment in the squad.

After the opening games and six goals conceded, United are pointless and in the bottom three.

Tipping Point

Mike Ashley was forced to give away 10,000+ free season tickets in December 2019, due to himself and Steve Bruce in their respective roles forcing some 10,000 season ticket holders to reach their personal tipping points.

This summer over 10,000 season tickets left unsold and currently the Southampton match (a 3pm Saturday match in the summer school holidays, not a freezing rainy midweek in mid-January) looking to have around 10,000 unsold seats only a few days before the game.

The Weakest Link

Take your pick at Newcastle United.

Deal or no Deal

Mike Ashley justifies his ongoing abysmal running of the club (refusal to spend on infrastructure of NUFC and no proper spending to strengthen the first team squad) on the sole basis that he is hoping to sell it…

The way things are going, Mike Ashley could well relegate the club (for a third time) whilst he is waiting to pocket his Saudi riches.

Have I Got News For You?

Well, the news coverage of the shameless shambles is as ever, massively disappointing.

The NUFC media letting down the Newcastle fans as they fail to hold Mike Ashley and his minions to account.

Mike AshleyIt feels like they have completely given up the ghost, simply accepting that this nonsense is acceptable when it comes to running a Premier League club.

Scrapheap Challenge

Mike Ashley and his loyal minions Lee Charnley and Steve Bruce, have attempted in the last year or so to give new contracts to as many players as possible who are now on the way down in their football careers. This cunning plan replacing the one that other clubs use, where they sign new players and have a process of then moving on those players who either have never been good enough, or are now on the decline.

By the end of this season a majority of this Newcastle United Premier League squad are set to be in their thirties.

Total Wipeout

Mike Ashley has treated us to countless exciting relegation fights and on two occasions has managed to go the whole way, scoring a total wipeout in both 2008/09 and 2015/16. Two relegations in his first eight Premier League seasons, not bad going at a club that had only previously been relegated four times in its entire history.

After these past four years of Premier League ‘fun’, it looks about time for Mike Ashley to keep up his average of another total wipeout and relegation every four or five PL seasons.

Are you smarter than a 10 year old?

Well if so, don’t bother applying for any jobs when it comes to running Newcastle United.

Expertise or intelligence not needed when the only plan is to spend as little money as possible and hope to cling on for another year of Premier League revenues and promotion of Mike Ashley’s business empire.

I’m sure you can think of many other apt examples of titles of quiz / game / panel shows that could apply to Newcastle United and the likes of Mike Ashley, Lee Charnley and Steve Bruce.

Others I had in mind included: In For A Penny, Senseless, The Fake News Show, Tenable, Rolling in it, The Price is right….

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