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Steve Bruce, 6 tubes of Pringles and a crate of Carling

6 months ago

It was another classic from Steve Bruce.

The Newcastle United Head Coach speaking ahead of this weekend’s Premier League action.

We have already had some great one-liners over these past 21 months from Mike Ashley’s latest patsy but this was maybe the least believable of all.

Which is some achievement, considering that previously Steve Bruce has claimed (in this digital age) to receive sacks of fanmail through the post.

The Head Coach claiming that he wouldn’t be paying any attention to other Premier League matches, including Friday night’s match at Craven Cottage, even though if Fulham won it would mean Newcastle dropping into the relegation zone.

I’m sorry, but if anybody thinks Steve Bruce was doing anything else between 8pm and 10pm on Friday, other than watching Fulham v Wolves with six tubes of Pringles and a crate of Carling, then I take it you also believe that Mike Ashley has the best interests of our club at heart…?

Much as I’m sure he would have loved not to have to miss two hours of the Prince Phillip coverage, Steve Bruce was sat on his throne sweating profusely, as Fulham v Wolves played out.

By the time Wolves finally scored in the 92nd minute, I bet the six tubes of Pringles were well gone for sure, with also not even the dregs of a Carling left either.

Steve Bruce would have been left to survive on pure adrenaline only by that point.

At least with the result going the right way, the Head Coach could also have a canny lie in to recover from the excesses of the night before, interesting to know if training still went ahead on Saturday…?

In reality, the only thing worth watching for Newcastle fans…and Steve Bruce this season, has been other clubs. Even Brucey wouldn’t choose to watch the rubbish he’s served up to the rest of us sitting at home.

It has been great watching the likes of Fulham and Brighton this season, both play really good football AND they can’t score many goals or win matches. So a perfect combination all round really.

Admire their football and at the same time be secure in the knowledge that they won’t pick up the points to get above, or at least far ahead of, Newcastle United.

After the opening ten rounds of Premier League matches this season, Newcastle United were seven points clear of Fulham.

In their next 22 Premier League matches, Scott Parker’s team have only managed three wins.

Yet this is how the Premier League table looks after last night’s Wolves win at Craven Cottage:

Quite remarkable isn’t it?

Despite only winning three of their last twenty two PL games, Fulham have reduced the gap on Newcastle from seven to three points, since how the situation looked after ten games.


This isn’t the tale of the Tortoise and the Hare, this is the tale of the Tortoise and the other even slower Tortoise.

I just hope Fat Sam doesn’t prove to be the Hare who suddenly wakes up and this time miraculously runs past both of the Tortoises so late in the day, carrying West Brom to safety.

You might laugh but back in 2017/18 after very belatedly sacking Alan Pardew, West Brom under Darren Moore picked up 11 points in five games after Pardew had picked up only one win in the previous 18. Moore getting wins against Newcastle, Man Utd and Tottenham, as well as draws against Swansea and Liverpool.

West Brom hammered Chelsea last week and are at home to Southampton on Monday, if they (West Brom) win and Newcastle lose at Burnley, Allardyce and his team would be only two points behind Fulham and two wins off overtaking Newcastle United.

Strange things happen late in the season as those in the middle with little to play for often down tools, unusual results happen, maybe even Fulham or Newcastle might win a match…

If West Brom did beat Southampton and somehow won another four of their final seven games (they have the likes of Villa, Wolves, Arsenal and Leeds left to play, all four currently 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th with nothing really to play for), the Baggies would have 36 points.

So assuming defeat to Burnley, that would leave Newcastle needing seven points to get to 36, eight to guarantee overtaking West Brom. Bruce’s team still with three of the top four to play, as well as Liverpool. The only other two teams left to play being Arsenal and Sheff Utd before final day at Fulham.

I have a feeling that Steve Bruce will be littering the carpet with plenty more empty cans of Carling and tubes of Pringles before this season is over.

Here’s hoping all the rest of us will be able to quickly recover from this Steve Bruce induced hangover and have something far better to look forward to next season.


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