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What has Mike Ashley ever done for us…?

11 months ago

Before I start, just a quick sorry to all those of you who are under 50, who may think this month’s drivel is even more random than usual.

However, I’m hoping those out there who went to the Odeon on Pilgrim street in 1979 to see Monty Python’s Life of Brian, may get it.

Some of you may need to YouTube “What have the Romans ever done for us” to make real sense of it.

I hope all the lads I have included in my tale, don’t mind, it’s just a bit of fun to try and lighten the mood.

Someday in the future, when life returns to normal, a bunch of old beggars are sitting in a pub discussing Newcastle United.

Leicester Mag:

‘I hate Mike Ashley, he has bled us dry, the b.stard.

He has taken everything we had. And not just from us. From our fathers and from our fathers’ fathers.’

Wor Lass:

‘And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers.’

Leicester Mag:


Wor Lass:

‘And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.’

Leicester Mag:

‘Alright Wor Lass, don’t labour the point.

Anyway, what has he ever given us in return?’

Mick Moose:

‘John Carver?’

Leicester Mag:


Mick Moose:

‘John Carver, best coach in England.’

Leicester Mag:

‘Oh. Yeah, yeah, he did give us him, that’s true.’

Glasgow Mag:

‘10,000 free tickets?’

Newki Brown:

‘And two relegations.’

Glasgow Mag:

‘That’s right Leicester. Remember what the ground used to be like before Ashley came?’

Leicester Mag:

‘Alright, I’ll grant you, 10,000 free tickets and two relegations are two things Ashley has done for us.’

Tweed Mag:

‘Don’t forget the mind numbing football.’

Leicester Mag:

‘Well obviously the mind numbing football. I mean that goes without saying, doesn’t it?

But apart from Carver, 10,000 free tickets, two relegations, what has…..?’

Toon Arnie:

‘What about being laughed at by the rest of the country?’

Grantham Mag:

‘And the capitulation in the cups every year?’

Leicester Mag:

‘Oh for Caesar’s sake you lot, will you give it a rest.

Right. so, apart from Carver, 10,000 free tickets, two relegations, mind numbing football, being laughed at by the country and cup capitulation every year, just what has Ashley EVER DONE FOR US?’

Sensible Monk:

‘Gave us a stable, profitable club and has stopped us becoming Sunderland.’


‘Oh will you shut the up!’

I remember the night like yesterday.

A bunch of 19 year olds coming out of the cinema, having cried laughing at this film, calling each other “splitter” all the way home on the bus.

Sadly, my club have now become a Monty Python sketch.


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