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Opinion

Scrapyard or bringing back the oomph-factor – Mike Ashley has Steve Bruce decision to make

1 month ago
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You buy a car. It’s your pride and joy.

It’s not a 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO, nor is it an Austin Allegro. It’s a spotless family-friendly runaround with that little bit of oomph for when you want to impress and you love it.

Every weekend, you’re primping and preening it: a jet-wash, a good wax, hoovered out. Hubs polished. It looks and feels good and you can’t get enough of it.

However, inevitably, despite the cosmetic attention you lavish on your vehicle, as time passes, things begin to show signs of wear and tear.

If you’re switched on, you attend to these niggling little tweaks and, “Bingo!”, all’s well once more. It’s still a good-looker and the oomph-factor? Still very much in place.

If you’re clueless, or perhaps the cachet has worn off, your former pride and joy begins to lose your affection and attention.

Spots of rust appear and, where once you’d have leapt up and dealt with it, they’re just allowed to spread. Cracks appear and they too go unattended.

The engine, once capable of an impressive turn of speed, is now so full of rubbish it is lumpen and struggles to move with any fluidity and the sparkle is long gone.

The ultimate snub comes when your boring old uncle reckons he can “put the pedal to the metal” and get a performance out of it so you hand him the keys and sit back, waiting to be wowed by uncle Steve and his magic toolbox…

His first attempt is successful.

“Wow! What did you do? That was great”, you ask.

“Oh, it’s just common sense. Tried and tested. Too many tinkermen these days. Stick with me, kid…”

Tragically, Newcastle United has been lumbered with this anachronistic, lumpen and closed-minded tactician for far too long.

We won’t go anywhere until he is gone.

We have the capability to produce the oomph-factor once more but he’s too short-sighted to pick those lads and give them the chance to coalesce into a unit.

As for the lads who’ve already slammed on the brakes, I couldn’t perform for a manager in Steve Bruce, who is so petty he blames everyone but himself when his “jumpers for goalposts” tactics fail.

Bruce out now, whilst we still have a chance of motoring up the table.

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