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Opinion

A Billy goat’s tale featuring Joelinton and the Yorkshire Vet

4 weeks ago
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Did you watch the Blackburn match, or did you settle for listening to it on the radio?

I did neither.

I decided that my evening would be spent watching the Yorkshire Vet.

For those of you not familiar with it, it’s basically a programme about two fellas sticking their arms, elbow deep, up the back end of cows.

I like it…the programme that is.

Last Tuesday’s episode centred on the antics of a goat called Billy (naturally enough).

Billy had been impregnating every goat in town and the decision had been made that this had to stop.

Billy was to lose his gonads.

As he was carried into the surgery, he had this bewildered and frightened look on his face, as if he knew something bad was about to happen to him. An expression we regularly see on Joelinton’s mug as he enters the penalty area.

The surgery shown is surprisingly graphic and had me grimacing and crossing my legs, as Billy’s crown jewels ended up on the table. However, it seems that any pain suffered by the goat was nothing compared to the pain suffered by those who chose to watch the goings on at St James Park eight days ago.

We won, which we are told is all that matters. To a degree that is true, but the one fact that I take from the game, is that the Cups are now an irrelevance and a nuisance to so many clubs.

This really gets my goat (sorry Billy) because I’m one of those who would take a Wembley appearance before a sixth place finish every time.

Up to 10 years ago, I would regularly be one of those who went to second and third round games at St James Park, because I loved night time games and it was a chance to get a nephew or niece to their first game.

Sadly, when the club don’t care and the players don’t care, it’s a bit much to ask the fans to care.

When the programme ended, I actually went to switch on the radio and catch the last 15 minutes, only for wifey to shout down the stairs, “are you coming up Pet, Midsomer murders is starting on ITV3+1.”

And there it is. When you prefer to watch a goat being castrated and the antics of Inspector Barnaby, rather than Newcastle United, then your relationship is in trouble.

I have been here before, notably in 1989, but things changed and the desire returned. I really hope that can happen again. We shall see.

The Yorkshire Vet finished with scenes of Billy jumping around the paddock with his ladies. He seemed to be suffering no ill effects except Billy was now impotent, and had no end product in him. So he was able to run around the field without causing any harm.

A bit like Joelinton.

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