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Opinion

I have finally realised what NUFC actually stands for

3 weeks ago
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I have finally figured it all out!

NUFC actually stands for – Newcastle United Farming Community.

Let’s start at the top…

THE LAND OWNER

Mike Ashley is an anagram of “Has Milk Eye”… and boy has he milked our farm dry and is still doing so.

He has sold off part of our farmland for development. We have two barns and one of those ‘Barnes’ needs removing immediately, the other requires sprucing up and money spent on many areas.

Our stables require development and brought up to date with the latest equipment. On the plus side, our field is doing really well due to all the manure spread on it every other week, proof of this is we have a Rose and we all know roses love manure.

THE SHEPHERD

Has sadly gone and will never be forgotten, so we no longer have ‘One True Geordie’ in control as in years gone by.

THE SHEEP DOG

We had an award winning dog called Rafa, who knew how to get our flock under control and all going in the same direction.

However, the land owner did not appreciate him and replaced him with a soft Bull Nosed Mastiff who doesn’t have a clue how to herd our flock, he goes in the middle of the field and the flock goes off in different directions, not knowing what to do or what is going on.

THE SHEEP

Sadly, we no longer have a Shearer.

So all our flock looks demoralised, defeated at times and lacking direction, no longer achieving the goals required.

THE BULL

We all remember Sir Les Ferdinand who was at the head of our herd/flock!

He loved Dani Bhaarrrrr.

Back to the present day and our buyers went to auction and bid on a young bull at a cost of £40m…

Sadly, our bull has no nose for a goal and his ‘only goal’ is to hang around the field until we farm him out at a great loss.

We did have a cracking young calf coming through, however the landowner handed him to the foxes…

Talking about foxes, I’m sure one gets in our field now and again to bite the heads off our chickens as we often see them running around the field headless!

OLD MACDONALD

We all remember him…e I ei a do!

He can no longer look in admiration of his time spent at NUFC.

So we all need to stop hanging around the farm ploughing money into the land owner’s pocket until we get what we deserve. A cull…

NEWCASTLE UNITED FARMING COMMUNITY!

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