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Opinion

Newcastle United winning the FA Cup and getting relegated would be perfect season outcome for me

2 months ago
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What a special day today is, I give you Brucey’s FA Cup record breakers.

Tonight will see Newcastle United play their fourth FA Cup game of the season.

That’s right, whatever else happens this year we will play more FA Cup games than any of the other years under Mike Ashley’s ownership/dictatorship.

Okay, so it’s not a quarter-final as a fourth game might be for some teams who somehow manage to win their opening three games first time. In fact, we’re still not past the 4th round just yet and the only reason we have made it to a previously undreamt of fourth FA Cup game is due to the fact we’ve been forced to play replays against League One opposition twice.

It’s hard to get too excited about progressing into the fifth round considering we got beaten by these boys in their three-stand stadium a couple of years ago. There’s nothing quite like the experience of being able to see a car park from your seat during a football match! That time we played a much-altered team and hopefully Steve Bruce will put out a strong batch this time and see us through to the next stage.

Whilst we’re hoping for things, can we also have a takeover and a striker that can outscore our defenders please?

I have said before that I would take relegation if it meant getting rid of Ashley. I don’t know what to make of this latest takeover revelation (it’s all gone a bit quiet again) but I’m done getting excited over these things and I’ll only really celebrate once the headlines confirm that Mike Ashley has taken to his chopper and f…lown off forever.

If the takeover doesn’t happen, I still want us to, and believe we can, get relegated. We might be on 31 points but we’re still only seven clear of the relegation zone. With how poorly we’ve been playing I feel Bruce is capable of emulating another local lad and capitulating into a spectacular losing run that will allow teams below us to make up some ground.

Watford have Pearson who will have them charging around like angry ostriches and I think will pull safe. West Ham have quality in their squad, although a terrible manager, and could put a run together. I’ll be surprised if the likes of Palace or Bournemouth go down.

We are still in the mix, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

For me, winning the FA Cup and getting relegated would be the perfect outcome for this season.

I have probably lost most of you now. Many of you are probably imagining me bouncing around a padded cell in a straitjacket shouting these words to a member of staff to record and submit to the Mag.

But if we do get past the mighty Oxford in the next round then we have more lower league opposition waiting for us at West Brom. Dwight Gayle scored enough goals there last season, I’m sure he could manage a couple more at the Hawthorns. It would probably take Joelinton breaking both his legs to see Gayle get his chance but you never know.

If Shrewsbury can beat Liverpool and Chelsea, I’d take them in the quarters.

A tie against Portsmouth in the semis after they’ve beaten Arsenal and whoever they get in the quarters would be ideal.

This could then tee things up for an emotional showdown with Sheffield Wednesday in the final after they’ve bettered Man City and two more teams to meet their old boss.

It’s all getting a bit fanciful now. In all honesty, it’s a bit much to hope for with so many strong teams still in the hat.

But if we beat Oxford and West Brom and get another draw against lower league opposition in the quarters and win (probably over two games) then we’re only two wins from glory.

We’ve beaten Spurs, Chelsea and Man U this season already so what’s to say that we can’t do it again? Yes, we’d undoubtedly play terrible football and need to be extremely lucky but if I could make a Top Trump card for Bruce it’d have the following skills: Tactics 0, Defending 20, Attacking 0, Motivating 0, Luck 99.

Canny Bruce, although being a failure in so many ways, would have a cult hero status at his home-town club having won us our first trophy for half a century. Mike Ashley would no doubt stick by him and if he did relegate us, I don’t think he’d get us back up and, if he didn’t, I think he’d give it a hell of a shot next year.

A year or two of Championship football and Big Mike would hopefully get fed up of his pet project and scarper faster than you can say ‘failing high street brand’.

Cue the torrent of abuse in the comments section when we bail out tonight in an uninspiring display.

You can follow the author on Twitter @billymerlin

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