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Crystal Palace 1 Newcastle 0 – Match ratings and comments on all NUFC players

2 years ago

Ahead of today’s game, we asked Jamie Swan to give us his match ratings after the final whistle, the game ending Crystal Palace 1 Newcastle 0.

Not quite sure what the point is of marking these players today.

Steve Bruce telling the world that we paid forty million pounds for a striker who isn’t a striker, was probably even more pointless.

But not as pointless as Newcastle United this afternoon.

This season, the myth of us ‘defending well’ or being ‘hard to beat’ has only been spouted by some because Dubravka has been like a steroid fuelled Octopus on Lev Yashin’s shoulders.

Once more, he had to be at it again to save us being pasted by a supposedly ‘toothless’ Palace, who were unfortunate not to batter us.

After the debacle of last week’s second half, you have to ask severe questions of Bruce having changed the square root of eff all for today.

We look like we are playing blindfolded when we cross the halfway line, that’s ‘if’ we cross the halfway line.

The surrender of possession is not a tactic, it’s just the fact we cannot seem to pass a ball these days. In fact the word ‘tactic’ may not have been a word heard since a little fella with a Spanish accent and a black goatee beard p.ssed off to China in the summer.

We are dog-sh.t on toast. We are currently that bad, we are dog-sh.t squished into bare feet and skidded through the house on a new carpet and sofa bad.

Unbearable, borderline unwatchable and incomprehensible.

The fortunate current points tally probably sees us safe. Probably does not mean definitely by any means and with games against the rest of the bog-sniffers to come, barring Norwich, based on this form there’s going to be cornea-scrapingly painful viewing ahead.

The joys of supporting Mike Ashley’s bargain basement club.

Marks out of ten:

Dubravka – 8.

Couple of worldies, may have done better with Goal? MOTM.

Lazaro – 3

Not a wing-back.

But hey-ho, why learn last week’s lesson?

Fernandez – 4

Zaha strolled past.

Lascelles – 4

Needs to be the leader when we need him most.

Schar – 5

Had a shot, one of only two on target!

Rose – 4

Subbed for Ritchie. Is he fitter than last week?

Bentaleb – 3

Played the full game, what does he bring to us?

Longstaff – 4.5

Part of a complete midfield failure. Again.

Almiron – 5.5

Subbed for Gayle.

Saint Maximan – 6.5

At least he tried. But no end product. Deja vu.

Joelinton – 4

One long range blooter.

Garbage…but a young Pele would have had a mare playing at the top of our team.


Ritchie – 5

Should start.

Gayle – 3

No impact, not sure touched the ball – yet better bet than Joelinton for a goal!

Stats from BBC Sport (Half-time stats in brackets):

Crystal Palace 1 Newcastle 0 – Saturday 22 February 2020 3pm


Crystal Palace:

Van Aanholt 44

Newcastle United:

Lazaro red card 90+5

Possession was  Palace 44% (44%), Newcastle 56% (56%)

Total shots were Palace 18 (11) Newcastle 8 (5)

Shots on target were Palace 9 (6), Newcastle 2 (1)

Corners were Palace 7 (3), Newcastle 5 (3)

Crowd: (2,800 Newcastle)

Referee: Peter Bankes

Newcastle team v Crystal Palace:

Dubravka, Lazaro, Fernandez, Lascelles, Schar, Rose (Ritchie 70), Sean Longstaff, Bentaleb, Almiron (Gayle 70), Saint-Maximin, Joelinton


Darlow, Matty Longstaff, Lejeune,  Yedlin, Hayden

(Steve Bruce reaches new levels of embarrassing with comments after defeat at Crystal Palace – Read HERE)

(Crystal Palace 1 Newcastle 0 – Watch official match highlights here as Dubravka keeps the score down – Watch HERE)

(Crystal Palace 1 Newcastle 0 – Instant NUFC fan/writer reaction to Saturday’s lucky one goal defeat – Read HERE)

(Crystal Palace 1 Newcastle 0 – Incredible Steve Bruce luck as Newcastle United escape a real hiding – Read HERE)

You can follow Jamie on Twitter @JamieSwan1


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