Get your daily update and weekly newsletter by signing up today!


As Keith Bishop picks up his pay cheque thanks to another successful Newcastle United PR campaign

3 years ago

So Keith Bishop earns his money again and mediocrity and profit remain the key ambitions of those in charge at Sports Direct United.

They created a glimmer of hope for the fans by releasing the snippets of information of a takeover by a Sheikh and immediately get people interested in a bright future at NUFC.

Season ticket sales renewals would run smoothly and the new strips would fly off the shelves at a rapid rate of knots, therefore filling the SD accounts with ‘loadsamoney’.

Of course, the other intention of this latest PR campaign was to try and gloss over the plan of not renewing Rafa’s contract because let’s face it, his ambitions for the club were the same as the majority of the fans and community. He simply wanted the tools to be able to be competitive in the Premier League and have professional facilities/infrastructure for his team of assistants and the playing staff to work with.

As we all know, ambition in Mike Ashley’s dictionary is not the same as in anyone else’s, it simply means money in the coffers. Survive in the top tier and bank as much as possible with as little outlay as possible.

And it worked initially.

I had mates contact me from Newcastle who were ecstatic that there was light at the end of the tunnel. They were preparing to outlay their hard earned cash and buy season tickets again after their self-imposed exile of five years.

Fortunately, they had learned a valuable lesson from times past and waited for the Keith Bishop orchestrated PR dust to settle and see what transpired. Same sh.. different day resulted in them hanging on to their money and thankfully becoming even more cynical about the club we’ve followed through thick and thin since we were kids of the sixties. The light in the tunnel once again proved to be another train and consequent wreck heading towards them.

Now we move along to the present day and the ‘exciting’ prospect of a local lad coaching his boyhood team.

Keith Bishop must have wet his pants when given this news to work with. “Let’s appoint one of their own. They’ll never slag off a tried and tested manager from the North East. We’re on a winner here lads. Ring around all the usual media outlets and let the games commence. This is going to be the best fun since…since….since the last time we lied our backsides off to them”.

According to reports at the weekend, Steve Bruce will become the lowest paid manager in the Premier League BUT can be paid the same as Rafa with bonuses attached for every place the team finishes above the relegation places. The MA generosity knows no bounds.

There are also a few more obstacles for him to contend with. For instance, a team of players who will only be bolstered by loans, returning sub par loanees and cheap overseas youngsters scouted very ably by the returning super scout, Graham Carr.

Once everyone is sitting comfortably in their freshly painted shed with ice baths on wheels and paddling pool, there is the slight matter of Stevie being able to motivate them to perform on the pitch to enable him to receive the aforementioned bonuses. Either way, MA wins again. Minimum outlay for maximum gain. Kerching!

To the fans who attend to obtain their fix of mediocrity, enjoy your day out, have another glass of Sports Direct Kool Aid and keep on keeping on.

Your hard earned money is part of the problem not the solution.

It’s what Mike and his minions hope for and Keith Bishop picks up his pay cheque thanks to another successful PR campaign.

Next stop on the Ashley gravy train is the January transfer window. All aboard.


If you would like to feature on The Mag, submit your article to [email protected]

Have your say

© 2022 The Mag. All Rights Reserved. Design & Build by Mediaworks