An incredibly funny night in Sunderland from start to finish. Newcastle’s toddlers may have lost 4-0 to Sunderland’s first team but the laughs in the away end got heavier as the goals went in.

If you had said to me a few years ago when Fat Sam was stripping to his knees in front of the Fulwell End that in the not so distant future, we would be sat here in the Premier League watching our bairns play their first team in a competitive fixture, I would have laughed my socks off. On Tuesday night just under 2,800 of us literally did laugh our socks off, all the way from town to there, and back again.

Of course, this game was the perfect excuse to be able to really take the micky. Football is a funny old game, and things can happen very quickly, so you might as well enjoy it while you can. For all we know, Newcastle and Sunderland could again be in the same division next season.

Prior to the game, there was a very heavy police presence at central station to take two loads of Toon fans on the metro to Wearside. These games are always funny because for some reason those lads that are usually relatively sensible and well-behaved when following the Toon, seem to turn into animals the moment they take their first step towards enemy territory. I have been to many a game, home and away, between Newcastle and Sunderland, but I can describe this particular Metro as somewhat of an experience.

I am sure that the 10 year old kid standing on the platform at Brockley Whins won’t forget a train load of Geordies hurling abuse at him in a hurry.

Once we were ushered inside the stadium it became evident that there really wasn’t going to be much of an atmosphere, at least from the home support. I do fully understand why many Sunderland fans didn’t turn up. For the most part, if the roles were reversed, then I don’t think I would want to suffer the embarrassment of watching my team play their bairns.

If the truth be told, our kids played rather well in the first half. I would have called it in an even game. Although Sunderland dominated possession, if either side looked like scoring then it probably would have been Newcastle. Whether that was because our attack was a potent threat, or their defence was somewhat of a nervous wreck, is open for debate.

Of course I am sure Ben Dawson would have sent them out in the second half with the message of ‘keeping things tight’ and not conceding an early goal. They were mightily unlucky to concede so quickly after the break. Just terrible luck really. From that point on, Sunderland had their tails up, and their fans opened their voices to chant “we’re by far the greatest football team.” It may have already been a foregone conclusion but we certainly enjoyed ourselves nonetheless.

I have been told by quite a few who were in the home end that we sung well and were heard clear. Songs were largely kept to not crossing the line, or coming across as what I would term, a bit embarrassing. For instance, songs that mentioned Adam Johnson were kept to a minimum and there was no Jimmy Saville reference. Instead, the standard of songs coming from terraces were amongst the highlight of the night with:

A whole rendition of “Shola From Fenham”

“You sad SMB you’re playing our kids”

“Lets all laugh at Sunderland”

“We saw you crying on Netflix”

As well as the classic “Ole… Ole”whenever our kids put together a few passes on the SOL pitch.

Of course there were other Newcastle chants – but I think most there would admit that we were there to laugh at Sunderland more than anything else.

The main highlight of the night though must go to Charlie Wyke and Chris Maguire, who hilariously mocked the travelling Newcastle fans when they scored their goals against our kids. I am not sure what was running through their heads when they did it but those moments should probably go down as the absolute low point in what is likely to be a successful season for Sunderland.

For the most part, I feel like the Sunderland fans who attended, except for a few idiots, took their humble pie. A clash which in the end came without trouble and from a police perspective was a success. We had a right laugh at their expense, and for Sunderland, they’re now two games away from Wembley.

Although, I have to be honest, I have been genuinely shocked by the reaction of Sunderland fans I know personally and on social media. I went to school in Durham so many of my mates in the north east are Sunderland fans and I got the impression that a few of them are too stupid to see why we turned up?

A few of the texts I received during the night;

“apparently you’re not bothered at all mate… see you next year”

“is that 7 derbies in a row now?”

“Well that went well”

“Did you enjoy that mate?”

Just to be clear, we weren’t there to see Sunderland play, it wasn’t really to see our kids team, it was to laugh at Sunderland and their hilarious demise. Why? Because its funny. It is really funny.

I’m sure a few Sunderland fans will read this and tell me I am wrong…but was Tuesday night the lowest point in their history? I would say so, as I don’t think it will get any worse for them ever again… although I will hold my breath.

Alas, a funny night that we should all enjoy because hey, lets be honest, there is a good chance we will be playing in the same division as them next season.

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  • Themoscow72

    If Sean Longstaff had of played would have been a different game as he made the difference in the earlier rounds. That is two games Rafa has thrown to rest the players for Chelsea so we better win or it will have been a waste of time.

    • Kenny

      Win at Chelsea

    • Squintytoonarmy

      Yep I can see Longstaff running the game at Chelsea.

      • Kneebotherm8


    • Wezza

      Simon, what is your take on the Almiron bid of 17M when 25M is the asking price? You said we had 60M to spend yet your saviour always throws in derogatory bids around.
      Question is are you happy at Mikes ambition? No dodging please.
      Also are you happy with Nike paying a PR firm to fool the media and the fans? Even you have been fooled.

      • Themoscow72

        No one else seems to be making any bids and £17m is a lot of money and a generous offer they might up it to £20m but cannot see us bidding any higher than £20m. Yes there should be £40m to £60m available to spend but it’s question of getting the right players.
        More time off next Tuesday and Wednesday as Rafa did not pick the right team foaming with him. Remember Mike spending £83m and we got relegated so not all about money. Not sure what you on about re Nike but my mate works for them Monkseaton born and bred.

        • Wezza

          Mike spent 33M did he? Parachute payments did!

  • Amersham Mag

    It would have been their lowest point if we had beaten them, but we didn’t we lost 4-0 and as a League 1 club (Third Division) they have every right to celebrate beating a Premier League club all be it the U21’s.
    If I was you I would have a good long look at the Sunderland Till I Die series and once you get over the first couple laughing you come to the realisation that this could quite easily be us next……Does gloating at the Mackems make you feel better about our own problems??? Doesn’t work for me!

    • Jonathan Drape-Comyn

      hey Amersham Mag! not related to your post but i live close by (assuming you’re unbiased amersham) so if you’re ever interested in finding me on twitter or facebook then give me a shout and we can sort a game/drink sometime!

    • Brian Standen

      Works for me. Just like it worked for them when they survived at our expense ( twice). So enjoy it !

  • Mr_Kinnear

    Perhaps an article on 50000 sheep handing over their money to financially support the regime would be better

    • steve

      Don’t worry, we get those at least a few times a week.

    • Lostprofit DBC

      Isn’t every article and post on here about that? Given that loads of true fans have packed in, surely if the new plastic fans truly are sheep, they would follow us? Low crowds won’t help in my opinion. Convince the media is the key. Would Spurs be allowed to die?

      • Leazes.

        ….the new intake a lot of them are students…. and fans of other clubs!

        Convince Douglas (Bradford City) Ryder (Liverpool)…. etc….etc… they are journalists who don’t care and never have….. they stayed silent for 12 years…. a critical friend of the club who admonishes the regime for not attempting to win the cups but ignored the downsizing year on year….

        … if we couldn’t win a cup with Cole Ferdinand and Shearer….tell me what chance Rondon and Perez?

        • Lostprofit DBC

          Very true, things have gone unchallenged. I remember Villa with Doug Ellis and Chelsea with Ken Bates, clubs no bigger than us then but fans discontent highlighted on the national news regularly. Sky please help us, don’t believe a word from him.

          • Tweed Mag

            The difference between the times of Bates and Ellis is the huge amounts of TV money the clubs get. Sky won’t want to see an owner like Ashley shown up for what he is. They give him over a hundred million a year and don’t want any of the responsibility/blame for his actions.
            His PR machine uses the second-rate hacks elsewhere to their advantage. Chronic, Mirror, Mail and even the Guardian recently. Facts don’t matter, it is all spin and no trousers.

          • Lostprofit DBC

            True, I suppose one plus these days is that MOTD is much more high profile. Shearer is training Lineker and Wrighty very well.

          • Tweed Mag

            He is and some of the other pundits have seen the light.

    • Ba ba.

      And 😴

    • Lostprofit DBC

      Do one (I mean that politely by the way).

  • KennyS

    There has been quite a few low times in both clubs history. The only thing both sets of supporters have left is to mock each other when both sides are $h!t.

  • Tweed Mag

    Over the top article. Sunderland are where they are due to poor management, so let them get on with it.
    We may soon be in the same position.

  • Lostprofit DBC

    It’s not far off the lowest point in our history despite our EPL status, which may be short lived. My first game was 0-4 to Cardiff City in the early 60’s and then there were those 70’s and 80’s disasters from Bobby Shinton to Ray Clarke etc. At least then though, the fans stuck together and had a united front. Now people aren’t clear on how to get rid of Ashley, perhaps we never will as he holds all the aces. Some may point to boycotts but he will laugh at that. Money banked and a show that the fans are broken, disunited in fact. It won’t get better until we get the same media outcry the other top clubs would get.

    • Leazes.

      Ashley has dismantled the club, and I can’t see anyone buying it until he resembles it…… a club without its income streams?

      • Lostprofit DBC

        Agree but apart from the money, I detect a vindictive campaign where he likes the detractors to suffer. Should go for USA president?

  • Ba ba.

    It was a funny and bizarre night

  • Carl Marks

    Picking on a TEN year old kid????
    What an absolute disgrace,not to mention hugely embarrassing!!!!

    • Lostprofit DBC

      Yes, thought that myself. Not a memory I would treasure,

      • Carl Marks

        thank you –
        nice to know someone else subscribes to the practice
        “things you just don’t do”!!

    • Jonathan Drape-Comyn

      yes it was very embarrassing. as mentioned, as soon as people get on that metro or coach to SOL they just turn into animals

      • Ba ba.

        Well I was there and I didn’t turn into a animal

        • We’ll support you evermore

          Too much carling and toot for some.

          • Ba ba.

            Aye the toot in general has reached epidemic proportions in every day life.. Its a sad state of affairs imo.

          • We’ll support you evermore

            Aye I agree. It’s rife in society and it’s not by coincidence.

          • Ba ba.


      • Carl Marks

        I suspect they were animals before they boarded the transport –
        Grown men(?) picking on TEN year old child =
        severe lack of street cred

    • Cushty lad

      Too right. With acts like that no wonder we are the laughing stock of other fans. Also we want to be careful the way things are going. If the fat lad don’t get into the Jan sales we’re heading down the league’s sooner than we might think.

  • Jonathan Drape-Comyn

    Sorry lads, but i don’t buy this whole ‘don’t laugh at Sunderland’ because it might be us soon. If everyone took that logic then nobody would laugh at anything.

    It’s just football. If the roles were reversed they’d laugh at us and again that’s football.

    Think you’d need to lighten up a little if you think we shouldn’t laugh at where Sunderland are.

    • Leazes.

      Who have we got in the next round?

      I’ve read four reports in the Mag all proclaiming we were the winners…. that is embarrassing.

      Man City U21 did win on the same night. You know what the level of self delusion isn’t just engulfing our club its drowning it.

      As far as levels of despair are concerned look closer to home because our owner has set quite a few low records himself which aren’t going to be removed from the history books.

    • Carl Marks

      I’d rather “stay in the dark”
      Can I take it,you’d still find it funny,if it was your TEN year old kid they were ganging up on???
      Classic case,of a “safety in numbers” mentality
      * I once got on a southbound train wearing a NUFC shirt only to discover,that it was heaving with Mackem fans heading to an away game –
      they were better behaved towards me,than a load of drunken toon fans picking on a CHILD
      Nobody likes taking the pee out of Mackems more than me,but it doesn’t cover you in glory,
      when you do it to a kid!!!!

    • Tweed Mag

      Most people had a laugh when they were relegated (twice). The joke is a bit old now.
      Rivalry and micky-taking is perfectly acceptable, but abuse directed towards a 10 year old? Bad enough it happened, never mind writing about it.

    • Ba ba.

      I was there and gave them some stick but would never aim it towards, a child.

      • Carl Marks

        It’s bad enough the club hierarchy embarrassing the club on a 24/7 basis,
        without our fans(?) giving them a helping hand!!
        I thought we were ‘better than that’?
        My best mate’s a lifelong Boro fan and when I told him that I’d read about a young Toon fan being spat on by adult Boro fans after a match at Ayresome Park
        he replied,
        “What a fu**ing disgrace”!
        Yes football fans hate rival fans(and correct me if I’m wrong?)there are “unwritten rules” and picking on a defenceless TEN year old is a massive “NO NO”
        I reiterate,
        I thought we were “better than that”!!!!

  • Carverlier football

    “Songs were largely kept to not crossing the line, or coming across as what I would term, a bit embarrassing” – would hurling abuse at a 10 year old not come under those headings…?

  • Billmag

    I’m old school and through out my time I’ve had some good laughs at the Mackem’s demise but unfortunately for us it hasn’t been one sided, I’ve had some stick both in the work place and socially. I’ve learned through time to enjoy the banter when you can because football has a habit of biting you on the backside.

    • Carl Marks

      I used to work in Sunderland and some of them got huffy with me,when they found out I was a Toon fan – amazingly I’d been wearing a NUFC scarf to work for months and they didn’t notice it!!
      I wouldn’t hold out much hope,
      if they had to pick someone out of an ID line up at the cop shop

  • justchampion

    Personally I only worry about my own team. Frankly I find all the schoolground behaviour from all footy fans embarrassing. Maybe I’ve grown up?

  • Ba ba.

    I was there and I seen no violence… Good laf and banter… Picking on a ten year old is a disgrace … Nothing to be proud of .. We have our day and they’ll have there’s in sure of that… BTW the metro home and the policing was a shambles . Kids nearly getting crushed by police horses riden by screaming banchies. Total over reaction.

  • Grahame Johnson

    Debenhams is Donald ducked so super ash to the rescue with transfer money!!!!

    • Carl Marks

      That was my instant reaction when I heard this news –
      ” Great minds think alike?
      more like the “bloody obvious”
      It’s as though Satan is handing him “get out of jail” cards when it comes to excuses for not investing!!
      What’s that old saying?
      oh yes!
      “The Devil looks after his own”

  • X,WHY,Y MAN.

    What if said 10 year old youngster was in fact a Newcastle fan ?

  • Whitehurst

    …and the point to this article is what? Time I’ll never ever get back!!

  • DeadToiler

    Not much to celebrate / laugh at – a 0-4 defeat.

  • Martin

    There is every chance we wil be in the same division as Sunderland in approximately 5 months time. I think you are right that the 10 year old was probably very scared by the encounter but that’s not very funny.