Pardon my scepticism for a moment but haven’t we heard this all before? I don’t see why this should be any different now. Newcastle United have made a £27 million bid for a centre forward on season ticket renewal day! Imagine my surprise.

This summer is probably the first time in which I have treated all news with complete and utter scepticism. In the past, I have held that deep down feeling that ‘maybe this is it’, perhaps Mike Ashley has finally woken and smelt the coffee (whilst still maintaining face). Now, it amazes me the amount of people who are getting excited that Newcastle might sign this ‘Plea’ guy from Nice.

I must say, I have never seen him play before. A keen follower of French Football and Lyon, I was surprised to see that Plea was doing well in Ligue 1 as he failed to impress during his short time at Lyon as a youth. I quickly messaged a few of my friends in Lyon (a mixture of Saint Etienne and Lyon fans) to get the low down on him from those who watch Ligue 1 every week. The responses I got were all along the same lines of “could be an ok signing, but had one good season with Nice last year who are turning into a very good team”. For reference, Plea scored 16 league goals last season, while Thauvin knocked up 22.

There has also been a lot of talk about selling Matt Ritchie to Stoke, a deal which at the moment looks like it is going ahead. Even if we were to sell Ritchie for lets say 12 million, and bring in Townsend and Kenedy for their reported/claimed valuations totaling (43 million). Doesn’t that mean Rafa will have spent around 31 million of his apparently very tight transfer budget, putting the squad in an almost identical position to that of last season? The same amount of wingers, just swapping Townsend for Ritchie. It doesn’t sound like good business to me.

Is Townsend an upgrade on Ritchie? I don’t know. I actually don’t think so. As a footballer, yes he is a better player, I don’t think anyone would argue otherwise. Yet, over the course of a season, in a team that has a defensive mindset, and is likely to be fighting to get out of the bottom six rather than getting into the top six, I would prefer Matt Ritchie. I would like us to keep Ritchie, and sign Townsend & Kenedy, that would actually improve the squad.

Either way, until something does happen, I actually have no idea why any Newcastle fans are believing it. I mean, wake up and smell the Keith Bishop. Pardon me if I have missed any obvious ones as these transfer ‘bids’ are just off the top of my head;

Alexandre Lacazette

According to the Chronicle at the time, Newcastle could have had Lacazette for as cheap as £16 million but Newcastle didn’t want to pay the money for him.

Instead, Newcastle opted for the cheaper option, Emmanuel Riviere.

We apparently went in for him again a few Januarys later with a £19 million bid but instead ended up with Seydou Doumbia on loan. He is now scoring goals for Arsenal, alongside another guy who may get a mention later.

Saido Berahino

We were involved in a late deadline day battle for Berahino apparently, with the club making a bid of £18 million for the player. This one was almost certainly a PR stunt from Bishop and co. Even at the time, it seemed so unrealistic but Sky Sports lapped it up.

Berahino now a complete waste of space at Stoke.

Nicolai Jorgensen

Newcastle looked nailed on to sign Jorgensen in January but wouldn’t pay the asking price of £22 million after having a £15 million bid rejected.

We instead signed Islam Slimani on loan.

**Disclaimer, I saw all of Denmark’s games at this World Cup, and I’m sure that most would agree with me that every time Jorgensen took to the pitch he didn’t look a £5 million centre forward never mind £22 million!

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang

Another one from France who Newcastle apparently came very close signing. Perhaps this was one of the occasions where the club did stump up the money for a player, but he chose to go to Borussia Dortmund instead.

Or was it a case of the club making a bid for a player they knew they had no chance in getting? He did sign for Champions League finalists instead. Now partnering Lacazette upfront for Arsenal.

Luka Modric

The most famous one of all. I don’t think I need to explain this one. An example all the more fitting given that he is my player of the World Cup so far (irrespective of that late penalty miss Sunday night).

Clement Grenier

Reported by several outlets, including Sky and the BBC at the time, that Newcastle had a £11 million bid rejected by Lyon after selling Yohan Cabaye for £20 million. At a time when Newcastle were doing ok in the league, our failure to replace Cabaye straight away almost relegated us, and in my opinion, those 5 months were the main instigator behind Pardew’s relationship with the fans declining rapidly (as well as the fact that he is a knob).

Another case of Newcastle not willing to pay the asking price. Rumored that he is now available for as little as 3 million after suffering from a torrid time with injuries.

Bas Dost

The one that never seems to go away. However, at one point, Bas Dost was a serious option for Newcastle. Portuguese press once reported Newcastle were offering up to 40 million euros for the player.

Will forever be linked with Newcastle United.

Bafetimbi Gomis

Newcastle weren’t willing to pay the 7 million wanted for him… and thus looked at the option to take him on loan later in the window. It was also claimed by Gomis that the deal fell through because of agent fees and loyalty. We will never know.

Anyone else know what he is up to now?

Kevin Gameiro

£10 million bid was rejected way back during his time at Lorient.

Charlie Austin

The British Bas Dost who was forever linked with a move to NUFC.

Most heavily linked during Steve McClaren’s sole summer in charge, Newcastle first weren’t willing to stump up the fee, then weren’t willing to pay the wages, then were worried about his fitness.

A transfer that never made sense.

Alassane Plea (pictured above)

According to the ever ‘reliable’ Sky Sports Newcastle have bid £27 million for Plea… although, whatever happened to that Amanda Staveley woman they told us about?

Laughable the way the Chronicle are pressing ahead with this idea that Newcastle fans should be jumping for joy because Newcastle have made a ‘cash bid’:

Tweet from Lee Ryder read; “Mixed News: NUFC understood to have had bid for Nice striker Alassane Plea rejected. But this at least means they are now back in the business of cash bids after first offer this summer”

Is that what we have resorted to? Is that the standard? Newcastle United making a bid for a footballer, with actual money, is seen as progress. I do weep.

Its funny how, as with the examples noted, Newcastle seem to amazingly have the money available when they have made a bid for players, yet when they are ‘rejected’, the money magically disappears never to be seen again. Newcastle have been making club record bids for 7 years now, without ever breaking their transfer record. It is almost as if it was never intended to be used in the first place.

Maybe we will spend some money, Chris Holt is pretty adamant that we will reach a net spend of 70 million. I don’t think that we will. Even if we do, as Chris argues, the amount of money we spend isn’t exactly the point… it’s the policy, the haggling over a few million, subsiding quality for the sake of a few million quid, is the manager even the one making the signings, are the signings even real? Did Newcastle ever have any intention of bringing in some of the strikers mentioned, or was it a Keith Bishop PR stunt to keep fans content and ticking over?

I may be proved wrong, but for those fans out there who think the club are seriously trying to improve the squad, I would ask… where have you been for the last 10 years?

Honorable Mentions;Wilfried Bony, Andy Carroll, Pierre Michel Lasogga, Danny Ings, Moussa Sow, Ricky van Wolfswinkel, Mevlut Erdinc, Diego Rolan, Michy Batshuayi, Loic Remy, Vincent Aboubakar, Ryad Boudebouz, Tammy Abraham

You can follow the author on Twitter @JonathanComyn

To feature like Jonathan Drape-Comyn submit your article to [email protected] and/or for more info go here

  • FatParosite

    It’s easy to make a phone call with VR money….. Eh Bishop..?? you fat t0$$er

  • Gianfranco Shola

    A few days ago there was news about lots of people not renewing season tickets which came as a shock to the hierarchy. In the next few days we made a free signing apparently ‘signalling the clubs intent and showing ambition’ according to the chronicle. And now we’re in advanced talks to sign Plea, Townsend and Kennedy all for in excess of £70 million…. Ashley PR masterstroke same old same old

    • panther

      for them all to fall through, when the thick pay up

  • Monkseaton Magpies

    First of while I know you are getting educated a cash bid is money up front and not on the never never over five years. For example some people selling a house take a cash bid far lower than a bid which involves selling a houses at the other end. So the selling club may take £20m up front rather than £27m over five years. Did not Ashley give McClaren £70m to spend on excellent players so no reason he is not doing it again. Sky have reported this and they are very accurate unlike the Times or other papers. I have now added you to my official list of moaners that’s the good news. The bad news is that you fail to make it into the top ten.

    • MichaelMaximusMoose

      Bet JDC is gutted he`s on your schitt list

      • Monkseaton Magpies

        Moaners list. That’s two bad articles in two days. He is that depressive he is getting worse by the day.

        • MichaelMaximusMoose


    • Alex

      Care to give a figure on how many people around here sell their houses for a cash bid, instead of ‘5 easy installments’?

      • Dont stop bobbi fleckman

        It’s not what he said.

        In house buying terms, it’s looking at an offer of £270k where the buyer needs to get a mortgage, sell their existing house and full survey etc vs a cash offer of £250k where the developer just wants the land so can have it completed in a few days.

        • Alex

          Nice try, but he said ‘houses’ not development land.

          • Dont stop bobbi fleckman

            No, the illustration is simply to say, cash is king. Transfers in instalments have to go through extra hoops to process but moreover, the seller will put a value on getting his money now rather than jam tomorrow

          • Alex

            We all know cash is king, unless you don’t need it quickly. But the illustration of buying / selling a house was silly and not relevant to buying / selling footballers.

          • Dont stop bobbi fleckman

            If you look at the comments and even some of the articles, you would not state that “We all know cash is king” any assumption that we all know stuff is dangerous, especially on this forum.

          • Alex

            You said that cash was king – I didn’t state that. Read my full sentence and I’ve put a caveat in.

            Cash isn’t king with Ashley because he doesn’t need it. That’s why he simply accepts long term deals on sales – it’s of no bother to him, but it’s not in the interests of the club.

            That’s also why he doesn’t want ‘a deal’ with a club sale. He’s not a pressurised seller, and needs only to sell if someone comes up with a silly offer he’d never turn down.

          • Dont stop bobbi fleckman

            I see, however, in football, even now, everyone is short of cash.

      • Monkseaton Magpies

        If the person at the other end fails to sell their house you do not sell yours simple as . So you get the cash all be it lower by a fair amount
        then you can spend the money now not a years time simple. Our family have done exactly that this month. So Nice might need the £20m now in preference to West Hams £27m over five years. Hope this makes sense.

        • Alex

          The example of all cash up front now, for a player; or spread over 5 year installments, of course, makes sense. That’s simple negotiation. However, your analogy of selling a house is nonsense – nobody sells their house over a period of 5 yearly installments.

          This would, however, fit with Ashley selling the club. NUFC is a business which he can sell immediately, or ‘offer terms’ (like he’s rumoured to have done) over a few years. Here’s hoping, eh?

          • Garry Norman

            Are you seriously taking the 5 year idea of house buying literally? He was trying to explain a very simple idea which seems to have gone way over your head.
            Irrelevant to Newcastle Utd, but annoys me when people are being intentionally dense.

          • Alex

            Well, you never know how other readers read things, so I’m showing how inaccurate the anaolgy is. He was the one who suggested it was the same as taking 5-year installments on a house purchase, not me.

          • Monkseaton Magpies

            Lets keep it simple £20m now in cash or £25m over five years. Just like selling a house now for £200k or perhaps getting £230k in a years time which is not even sure to happen. Easy to understand that is why Ashley pays up front as it’s cheaper and saves money very wise.

          • Alex

            No, no, no – it’s definitely not the same. You’re posting schyte.

            Selling your example player now gets £20m or £25m in total, in 5 years. In both cases, the player moves immediately.

            On the other hand, selling ‘your house’ now gets £200k now. Nobody waits 5 years to see what the house market is like, if they NEED to sell it now.

            Similarly, nobody agrees a house sale now, then continue to live in it for 5 years before moving out.

          • TheNutJob

            he`ll have you round the bend, mark my words

          • Alex

            Don’t worry – I’m having fun tying the idiot in knots. ;-)

          • Monkseaton Magpies

            If you cannot understand a simple concept I have little hope explaining other matters.
            1) Player for sale £25m over five annual payments or £20m cash up front.
            2) House for sale £230,000 or over to highest bidder which might take over a year to complete as there is a chain or except £210,000.00 cash next week as you no it’s a done deal.

          • Angelswithdirtyfaces

            A player on a 5 year contract is a depreciating asset. A house on freehold is an accumulating asset (probably). You are comparing apples and pears.

          • Monkseaton Magpies

            Yes but same principle about buying an asset for less money.

          • Alex

            Hahaha – you’re changing your own metrics now in an attempt to get out of it.

            What you’re not getting is that in your player example, the player moves immediately, irrespective of the finances.

            In your house example, you either move house staright away for £210K, or continue living in it for another year or more for £230K. So, if you need to move right now, you’ll take £210K; but if you can sit around for 12 months or more, then there’s no rush and you’ll take the higher deal.

            As I’ve said elsewhere, that’s the same principle as Ashley is doing regarding a club sale.

          • Monkseaton Magpies

            Would put you in the group of people on here with learning difficulties but it is full so will put you in category three of the moaners list as category one and two are full.

          • Tino11

            “Would put you in the group of people on here with learning difficulties but it is full so will put you in category three of the moaners list as category one and two are full.”

            And what is wrong with people with learning difficulties, please enlighten us?

          • Monkseaton Magpies

            Nothing at all but I have sent him five replies which other people understand and what they say he is just doing it on purpose so hence the reply as have done my best to explain.

          • I’ve got the Ki

            Two thumbs down. Worst and most confusing analogy ever. Admire your dedication to insisting it made sense and manipulating the comparison gradually to a point where it nearly did.

    • Milo79

      You can add me as well because I think his scepticism is very well placed.

    • Chuck D

      Nope I’d believe the Times over Sky any day because Ashley has Sky as his mouth piece.

    • Damon Horner

      You should publish this “moaners” list.

    • Mirandinha9

      I’ve been previously honoured for my work in the community, though, I would accept it as my greatest accolade if you contain me on your top 10 moaners list, affirming my utter polarisation to any of your thoughts. Conversely if I ever agree with any of the tisch you spout, I will drive to the nearest hospital and plead for the examination that my head well and truly requires. Say hello to Cashley if you catch up with him in Manchester.

  • East Durham Mag

    Was just thinking does anyone really believe a word uttered by Fatty or any of his minions then i saw MM’s post.

  • Toonrobbybobson

    The only ones you can believe headlines wise is when it comes to selling. That usually turns out true.

  • Dont stop bobbi fleckman

    Not your best effort Jonathan Drape-Comyn, get back to your dissertation.

    Are you Spanish Swifty’s brother BTW?

  • Weyhhadaway

    Smoke and mirrors, when have we seen this before? Go on Mike, prove our skeptical souls wrong.

  • Tino11

    BREAKING NEWS: Newcastle bid 75 million for Gareth Bale!!!! Unfortunately it’s nowhere near his release clause fee, but at least the club is trying and are ready to “splash the cash”, honest!

    This news report was sponsored by K. Bishop.

    • Leazes.

      ….and brought to you in an exclusive by the chronicle!

      • TheNutJob

        Ryder & the boys are alway 1st with breaking news, because they make most of it up

        • Wezza

          Criminally spouting the Bishop PR and falling for it. The chronicle should be ashamed. Mind, if they fall out of line they’re banned.

  • ivanlogan

    Nice are looking for £18m so why would we bid 27m?

    • TheNutJob


      • Tino11

        The old one of offering far too little had been used up, the new one is to make them think we are still taking the p*ss by offering far too much, either way the other club is left confused so the deal never goes anywhere, which is exactly what Penfold wants!

      • Kneebotherm8

        Tic tacs….

  • Mrkgw

    All pie in the sky until we see a player revealed. We have had hopes dashed so many times that I remain highly sceptical of this regime.

    • Duh

      It seems more often than not, no one knows who we are going to sign until they turn up

  • TheNutJob

    Engeerrrland, the boys are going for glory tonight, Harry the spud to lead us into the quarter finals

    • Peaky

      Get through and nowt to fear against Sweden…in fact tonight will be a harder game…

      • Wor Lass

        The Sewedes have got to the quarters as well – it won`t be an easy match.

        • Peaky

          Different challenge altogether…..they’ll be very calm and methodical as all Scandinavians are…not like the dirty cheats of last night….what’s the feeling like in France on their chances ??? Will be tough against Uruguay….thought Cavani’s performance last week against Portugal was the best of the tournament so far….superb all round forward play.

          • Wor Lass

            But I think he`s injured and out of the game – according to our builder, anyway. The French have started getting a bit excited since Mbappe`s performance. They`ve got the best squad, I reckon. England v France for the final!

          • Peaky

            Definitely the best squad….don’t think Belgium will have enough to beat Brazil but the French certainly do….as you can imagine everyone is starting to get a little over excited and carried away over here….get to the semis and who knows what could happen….

          • Wor Lass

            Before the tournament, most people were saying we`d be on the first plane back. I always thought we`d do better than expected but we`d struggle to score enough goals to go all the way. I also said Harry Kane would be in the running for the Golden Boot. The French are the only team that really worries me. Southgate has surprised me – I had him down as an FA poodle but he`s turned out to be spot on.

    • Jonas

      Colombia, Belgium reserves, Panama, Tunisia, Sweden.
      not to mention the qualifying groups. How do England, whove done nothing internationally in 50years get such easy draws continuously?

      • Kneebotherm8

        To be fair……it was England reserves against Belgium reserves…..

  • magpiefifer

    It’s amazing how gullible/naïve/desperate the Chron are (as well as many fans) over so-called multi-million pound bids.
    You’d think by now that it would dawn on all and sundry that these ‘bids’ are part of the cynical Ashley strategy remember all the ‘getting new signings over the line’ quotes!?
    Ashley is happy playing his control game and won’t change tack when he is ‘winning’!!

    • Desree

      At least pick decent players if they are going to lie.

  • Toon

    Yeah on season ticket deadline, no don’t you’ve renewed yours, sucker!!

  • Gordonthetoony

    Someone must have sunstroke if they think Plea is worth 27million. Move on.

    • Clarko

      Have you ever seen him play? A single game?

    • Leazes.

      In a world where Mitro is worth £20m….. its not a big ask for an average striker who can score maybe 10-12 in the Premiership. His market value is £18m but he’s under contract for a few years so I guess that’s the price.

      • FatParosite

        A price we won’t pay.

  • TheFatController

    The money goes on Monkseaton mugpie’s house purchase by the sounds of it.

    A reward for not moaning about Ashley, and instead being a codependent ‘can do no wrong in my eyes’ little troll, spinelessly happy with an owner who admits he doesn’t care about the club.

    Nothing is more bizarre than Ashley himself announcing he’s given up day to day, also given up attending and putting cash in and yet still being defended on here as ‘good news for the club’.

    Even he must think his followers on here are weird …

    • SuperDesHamilton

      And that’s exactly why he’ll never sell. Treats the fans like mugs & Monkseaton etc..lap it up! Worst case of Stockholm syndrome ever

  • Wezza

    27 million bid… on ST renewal deadline day. Righto.

  • Geordiegiants

    Harry McGuire has been class.

    • Peaky

      Yup,him and Trippier….also must say Henderson was superb tonight….massively improved under Klopp.

      • Wor Lass

        Agree with all of that.

    • Wor Lass

      MoM for us tonight – he looks like he`s still operating in second gear and could become a top player.

      • Geordiegiants

        He was head and shoulders, literally, above anyone else on the pitch.

  • glassjawsh-got-banned

    like you all didn’t know that last gasp goal wasn’t coming. I’m glad the US didn’t qualify because if this had been them my heart would be in my throat right now (and my fist may very well be in a wall).

  • Leazes.

    Chris Holt is pretty vacant …. and very much responsible for the myth surrounding finances at the club.

  • Tino11

    The Mackem’s has come good!

    • Peaky

      Yes,I’ve been one of the first to criticise the lad but he did well tonight.

  • Leazes.

    Transfers seem to have dried up…Charnley better get his skates on.

  • pedrodelgardo

    This is fake news about fake news for people to speculate about and look into their crystal balls – really meaningful stuff like! My mate tells me Cavani had a poster of Shearer on his bedroom wall when he was kid.

    • Leazes.

      Did you actually read it?

      • pedrodelgardo

        I started to but my eyes glazed over and I noticed some drying paint.

  • mactoon

    I don’t believe any of these reports of ‘bids’ because Newcastle don’t divulge details of any transfer activity (For example, no one knew about the Ki Sung-Yueng deal until it had happened)

    I don’t believe any of these reports of ‘bids’ because Newcastle don’t divulge details of any actual transfer activity. I would be surprised if anything more than telephone enquiries were/have been made.