When Newcastle played at home to Watford earlier in the season, I gave the game a miss, as the girlfriend was flying up to Newcastle and she doesn’t like football very much.

In fact, the only game she has ever been to, she saw a convicted sex offender score a last-minute winner at St James’ Park for Sunderland so why would she like it?

Instead, we went straight from the airport a couple of stops down the coast to Tynemouth and went to the beach.

On the way back to the Metro we had a meander around the market. I love those sorts of places, especially in the North East because you can guarantee that there’ll be some crazy fella (football crazy) selling a load of football memorabilia. Sure enough, there he was, programmes, magazines the lot.

I stumbled upon a pile of old copies of The Mag, and flicked through a particular issue, which included a tiny section named ‘Top 10 Plusses for Sunderland Fans’.

You can see where this is going after Sunderland fans watched their team relegated yet again today at home to Burton Albion:

(1) You probably won’t get relegated again.

(2) Jordan Henderson and Jordan Pickford will be going to the World Cup with England.

(3) You may support a rubbish football team, but look on the bright side, your grandchildren will probably end up supporting Newcastle so at least they’ll be happier.

(4) If Sunderland had been in the same league as Newcastle this year they would have had an extra six points and therefore stayed up. Ah, but don’t worry, you’ll get to play our youth team in the Checkatrade Trophy next season!

(5) It’s only the football team that is getting relegated and so you’ll still be able to visit Roker Beach, the swings in Pennywell, and I hear you have a new bridge too!

(6) Blackpool away will be a great weekend for you! Although let’s face it, it will be on a Tuesday night in January…

(7) No need to worry about the distance of getting to away games against the likes of Portsmouth or Plymouth because Newcastle International Airport is only a 30 minute drive away!

(8) Premier League to League One means you have really hit rock-bottom so things can only go up from here right? Just ask Portsmouth, Wimbledon, Bradford, Oldham, Swindon, Blackpool, Blackburn and Coventry…

(9) With the Checkatrade Trophy, League One, The FA Cup and the League Cup you will get to go to even more matches!

(10) It will be the first time Sunderland get to play Accrington Stanley. Who are they, you ask? Well Sunderland is a small town in County Durham known for cheesy chips, a Japanese car and a football club that is slowly dying…

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  • paul mclaughlan

    Beautiful end to a beautiful day.

  • Monkseaton Magpies

    A disgrace putting a woman before football you should be banned from the stadium for life. Remember the wife not being to happy with me going to Russia the first time we went as we got escorted in with tanks and troops as there had been a lot of bother over there. No way would she tell me or expect me not to go to a match ever.
    Hope you not with her now.

    • Jonathan Drape-Comyn

      i’m still with her! if it wasn’t for her living in London i wouldn’t be able to afford to get to half of the games i get to!

      • Damon Horner

        I wouldn’t worry about it mate. I still think he hasn’t forgiven you over Perez!

      • Monkseaton Magpies

        When my now wife said she wanted to go out for the night when we first started going out said fine took her to see the reserves against Port Vale. Michael O’ Neil made his debut and got a hat trick. That is what a fan is not Tynemouth market.

        • Jonathan Drape-Comyn

          “this is what a fan is” – tell you what, that’s the silliest thing you’ve ever said on here.

          because you took your wife to a reserve game you’re some sort of super fan 😂 c’mon man.

          • TheFatController

            Can we take a moment to despair on behalf of MM’s poor wife?

          • Monkseaton Magpies

            My point is that you should have taken her to the match not the market what is stupid about that. When my brothers daughter got married this season had to let myself out during the service as taxi was waiting to take me to the match. That is what supporting Newcastle is all about not markets or family weddings.

          • Mark Potter

            Highly disrespectful to your brother and niece. She will only get married once or twice, maybe three times if she is lucky ;)

  • TheFatController

    We’ll not be laughing when they fly a banner over the Chelsea game ‘missed out on europe, stuck in the top 10 Mags’, or maybe ‘Kenedy can’t play today haha ’?

    The way they always have the last laugh. We can only sit and wait for the day we have some small crumb of comfort ….

  • Paul Patterson

    #mackemsneedsnookers #gettingoutofthechampionshipatthefirstattempt

  • nufcslf

    Not the total naka’s, but would love to have a chat with a few honest Sunderland fans and get their views. Must be hell on them.

  • HarryHype59

    I disagree wirh the first point about them not getting relegated again next season.

  • thewildchimp

    Mate, stop it! My CPU is going to melt down due to the intensity of your burns! :’D

  • Scott Robinson

    They might be playing the other black n white magpies. so something for them to get excited about. To be fair I didn’t think it could get worse than being beaten by Hereford, but relegation to League One would be it. At least they have a trip to Blackpool; hope it is on a Tuesday night in February. They’ll be doing a Coventry the way things are going.

    • Albert Stubbins

      Beaten by Hereford. Aye cos that’s never happened to us has it?

  • Jezza

    Ponitless article that just makes Newcastle fans look bad.

    • GToon

      Jezza, is there really not one little bit of you that thinks it’s even remotely funny. Tbh their fans would expect us to laugh at them. If we didn’t and they didn’t the rivalry wouldn’t really exist. Gone on mate, one little laugh – you’ll feel better for it!!

      • Leazes.

        Jezza’s taking it badly!

      • Jezza

        I had a bit of a laugh at the plane and banner merchants last year but and I probably would have laughed at them failing to get promoted and being stuck in the Championship for a few years but I wouldn’t have wished this on them.

        • paul mclaughlan

          I agree with pretty much everything you say on here. But I must admit to finding the whole debacle that are the SMB hilarious.

        • GToon

          I’d rather play them than not, however that might work out. I don’t like to see any team from the north east suffer. We are rivals tho and it’s not like anybody has died so I don’t feel bad about laughing and sharing a joke with family and mates. Perhaps they needed this to rid themselves of the big money buys on big wages. It might be tough in league one tho as they are obviously gonna have to restructure the club from top to bottom.

    • csh

      You think they’d have any sympathy if it was us going down?

      • Jezza

        Probably not but I don’t see the point in lowering ourselves to their level.

        • TheFatController

          I don’t think we’re mocking their demise like they did ours, we’re mocking that mocking they did of our demise…

          It’d be a lot less intense if it wasn’t for the fact that revenge is a dish best served with cold, hard, reminders …

          • Jezza

            Fair enough I see your point. Those Sunderland fans who hired the plane, hung the banner and celebrated a fourth successive fourth bottom finish as if it was a Champions League victory were always setting themselves up for an almighty fall and they were the only ones who couldn’t see it. They will be feeling bad enough tonight without us rubbing it in. I would rather concentrate on my own team and the possibility of a top ten finish and show those Sunderland fans that their team doesn’t matter that much to us.

          • csh

            There’s little harm in taking pleasure at a rival’s demise. They had their moment and we are having ours.

          • TheFatController

            Fair enough, but they won’t be reading these pages, so it’s really just a chance for some of us to enjoy being toon supporters and bonding.

            The story from the lad enjoying soccer Saturday in the strawberry proves football is all about rivalry as well as how your own club does.

            Just as your club’s success is part of football, an element for many is besting your rivals. It’s why the world watches on for that Manchester Derby last week – everyone got the significance

    • Phil

      I must look bad because I am absolutely loving their demise and enjoyed the daft article.

      Before you say it could easily be us…. It’s not!! It’s them so LALAS 😂😂😂

      • Jezza

        Give it a couple of years and it could well be us.

        • HarryHype59

          The margin of safety between this club and them isn’t the chasm some people think it is.

          • Jezza

            That margin of safety can be summed up in two words. Rafael Benitez.

  • Mayor Vaughn

    Crying into their Cheesy chips and blue pop tonight.
    Great day!

  • Mike

    season tickets will be cheap. and if u go into admin at least you can play Gateshead be a local deby

  • strongangel

    While you were doing your Arabic studies did you learn any Sumerian? Then you will know MUS = snake LIM = face/presence IS = pit/clay-pit and LAM = netherworld/hell/underworld , all Sumerian (you know, actual babylonions) Loan Words .. if you didnt bother studying up in your Sumerian, can only ask then what are you studying, because middle east studies is otherwise meaningless booty stuff

  • TheFatController

    For Sale: footballer’s houses in Newcastle – quick sales required due to fall in living standards….

  • 5floorshigh

    out of the championship at the first attempt !

  • Albert Stubbins

    I enjoyed my afternoon in the strawberry today with wor lass and two of her friends who flew over from Poland yesterday. What an experience for them watching soccer Saturday when the last ten minutes unravelled. Broon ale all round and a little tour around the stadium for photos alongside milburn sir bobby and shearer. Needless to say they’ve been converted!!!

  • MadMag83

    Gotta love the banter.

  • Down Under Mag

    I can honestly see the owner doing a runner, putting the club into administration to wipe out his debts and the club starting next season with a 15 point penalty before they even kick a ball….


      Yes. surprised he hasn’t handed the keys back and called it quits

  • Mxpx

    They’re not actually down yet they can still stay up mathematically although it’s not going to happen feel a bit sorry for the mackems really no set of fans deserve a double relegation… The team however really does

    • Liam Hogg

      Of course they are, 6 points from safety with 6 to play for. Burton play Bolton so either are guaranteed to pick up at least a point.

  • gallowgate26

    What goes around comes around, exactly – the people who organised the banner plane should have thought of this…