Mike Ashley has been away on holiday.

Quite how this has been regularly trotted out as a story linked to the Newcastle United takeover in the past couple of weeks is anybody’s guess.

Anyway, many newspapers/journalists have been happy to put forward the idea that the Fat Controller on his jollies, was a reason for the sale of the football club to be delayed/on hold.

There has been almost a countdown in some of the papers, ‘Mike Ashley is due back from holiday in five days , four days…’, in the event he is now supposedly back in the UK, actually a couple of days later than anticipated/reported.

Quite how they know Ashley’s holiday movements is another thing BUT then by their rationale, it should now be full steam ahead on the Newcastle takeover if the only thing preventing it was Mike Ashley lying on a beach/net to a swimming pool.

I can’t say I have ever followed another club’s takeover as closely as ours – but I am pretty sure that the public have now been treated as being quite as stupid as we are!

Decision makers away on holiday holding up the sale of a company/club worth hundred of millions of pounds, no I am pretty sure I don’t think I have ever read that in relation to any other Premier League club.

Mike Ashley could have been sitting in an igloo at the North Pole and still gave the go ahead to the sale of Newcastle United happening, or at least progressing.

It isn’t the olden days with the NUFC owner at sea for weeks on end with no means of communication.

Wherever he has been on holiday (I am not really interested where, unless that is he has had really severe sunburn, been bitten by a shark, snake or similar, or taken some kind of truth serum), he will have been in constant contact regarding his various business interests.

You can just picture him ‘Only Fools and Horses’ style, lying on a sun longer with a huge cocktail with a pink umbrella in it, on his mobile to find out how much richer he has become on any particular day.

The world has shrunk, distance means nothing when it comes to communication.

If Mike Ashley and Amanda Staveley wanted to have a sit down meeting any day of the year, they simply have to just snap their fingers and with their money a video conferencing facility could be set up where it feels like they are all but in the same room, rather than a virtual one.

Newcastle fans aren’t that stupid, well not most of us anyway.

Wherever Mike Ashley is in the UK, or indeed the World, it doesn’t affect one little bit the sale of Newcastle United.

It isn’t him who is physically preparing any contract, whether that is 10, 100, or 1000 pages long. He is simply the person who says yes or no and signs it – even that can be done from the other side of the world now.

The same with Newcastle signing players, Mike Ashley is never at St James Park these days anyway, if Rafa does or doesn’t get any new signings it will be nothing to do with the whereabouts of the club’s owners.

He simply makes the decisions and others do the work, he is in charge and don’t we know it.

If Newcastle fans don’t see new owners arriving it will be because Mike Ashley has not been willing to sell the club at a market price.

The same with signing players, if we don’t get any added quality in January, it will be because Mike Ashley has decided that won’t happen.

I can almost hear the Ashley PR machine in motion, as well as the sections of the media that are in cahoots with him, willing to muddy the waters as to why takeovers and signings don’t happen/aren’t happening, with such lame excuses as the club’s owner having booked his holidays.

Mike Ashley, as always, is the obstacle to Newcastle United moving forward and until we all have a permanent holiday away from his influence, nothing will change.

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  • Leazes

    Staveleys husband runs a PR company, I think it is likely that no takeover talks will take place….. or indeed have ever taken place with PCP.

    This seems to be little more than a stunt to advertise the clubs availability.

    …..Which hasn’t worked!

    • Your mum

      You do know that they have actually met up and had talks, new holding companies formed etc.

      • Leazes

        They may or may not have had a curry as part of a PR exercise.

        • Guest 2

          PR for who, man? Your ridiculous theory has no bearing to fact. She’s done, or been involved in, deals worth hundreds of millions and you think she needs to be associated with our fat cretin to boost her own profile?

          • Leazes

            Work it out ‘man’!

          • Guest 2

            I’ve worked it out. You’re clueless and so are your theories.

          • Leazes

            I’m basing an idea on what I’ve seen and you are basing a contradiction on something you haven’t….

            She’s a broker not a buyer.

          • Guest 2

            I’m not arguing that she is the buyer! I’m also not arguing against years of headlines which show the deals she’s been involved in and the money she made. I’m also not inventing a ‘theory’. You on the other hand are promoting the idea that she isn’t a buyer, nor a broker – just a PR stunt by and for the pie man. Sorry like, but that’s the most absurd scenario possible.

          • Leazes

            Her husband owns PR Company Velvet Media…. you would think with the wealth she supposedly has they would retire from that sort of stuff…..

            …. I wonder if Mehrdad Ghodoussi is a friend of Keith Bishop…. he’s in PR too and works for Mike Ashley.

          • Guest 2

            Christ, lad, you are really clutching at straws now.

          • Leazes

            Work it out ‘man’!

        • Your mum

          I hear their is a special offer on tin foil at Asda if you need another hat.

          • Leazes

            …’there’ is

      • joe mac

        cast yr mind back, shearer had a meeting with fatty about taking the managers job a few yrs ago…he said he,d get back to him…and…he,s still on hold!!

    • S.G.M.

      And you believe that Stavely would risk her reputation by allowing herself to be Ashley stooge in this little playground ploy?

      • Leazes

        Staveley hasn’t made any comment at all about her desire to own a club…. her reputation is lodged with Companies House in the form of ‘businesses'(sic) with no turnover.

        Despite the non disclosure agreements becoming public she could have whispered to the Chronicle that her Great X3 Grandfather had been mayor of this City in order to ingratiate herself with the fans.

        She can’t be a prospective owner she hasn’t the money. The mis-named ‘PCP Capital Partners’ has a share issue of One Share so she can only be a broker, there aren’t any partners.

        … or a PR exercise to find a buyer.

        Her husband has a company called Velvet Media… they do PR.

        • Guest 2

          Just ’cause you don’t where her money is doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any or control over any. Grow up. It could well be bulging out of her Jersey company accounts or any others offshore.

          • Leazes

            The media have given a picture of Amanda as being extremely wealthy but she isn’t in the sphere of Freddy Shepherd, she has the owner of the express as a personal friend.

            I guess you feel let down by the suggestion that this is no more than a stunt, and that will account for your abusive retort.

          • TheNutJob

            It`s in Saudi & the UAE

          • Leazes

            …. or buried in a bag in Yemen.

    • Guest 2

      Aye, right. She was just desperate for a cheap curry and a night of Ashley’s company.

      • Leazes

        No she or her husband may be getting a fee for a PR stunt.

        • Guest 2

          Yeah, ’cause association with Ashley is just what any high flyer needs. You’re mental. And if I recall correctly you didn’t even realise it was her husband with her when she was at St James’. You concocted another cockeyed theory over that.

          • Leazes

            Charming.

          • TheNutJob

            😂😂😂

          • hetonmag

            Is he Clarko, Fleckman, in disguise.

          • Guest 2

            Ooh, below the belt!

  • Peaky Magpie

    Straight off to see his mate at Sky to say he tried to sell the club (honestly) but no one would reach my asking price so I’ve decided to stay put.What a crock of s***e.

    • Mitros gotta start

      ^^^^this^^^^ but not until Feb 1st

  • Geordie Pete Moore

    If I was a betting man I would put everything I own on a no sale, not now not ever until Mr Ashley is 6ft under, its off especially if Swansea get a result on Sat

  • TheNutJob

    the blonde was Fatty`s stalking horse to draw out potential buyers, she may or may not have known his intentions but its failed miserably.
    the policy remains the same, sell before you buy, you`re not getting a penny out of me.
    Doomed as long as he`s here

  • Guest 2

    Wiki- First port of call for even the most hopeless online searchers: Note the first paragraph – PCP works via offshore private equity affiliates!

    1 “In 2008 the Financial Times described her firm, PCP Capital Partners, as really amounting to Staveley and her legal partner, Craig Eadie, and explained that, although based in Mayfair, London,the company acts “via offshore private equity affiliates” as a vehicle for the investment of Middle Eastern money, with Staveley acting as an adviser on those deals.”
    2 “while Staveley advised Sheikh Mansour on his £3.5 billion investment, for which he gained control of 16 per cent of the bank (Barclays) Staveley earned a fee of £30 million for her role in the transaction.”
    3 “The Barclays deal followed Sheikh Mansour’s £210 million purchase of Manchester City F.C. in September of the same year through the Abu Dhabi United Group, a transaction reportedly worth £10 million in commission to PCP Capital Partners.At the same time Staveley was involved in extended negotiations by Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum’s Dubai International Capital to buy a 49 per cent stake in Liverpool Football Club, although the deal, which would have given Staveley a place on the club’s board, eventually foundered”
    4 “Also in 2008 Staveley fronted a bid by the Qatar Investment Authority to buy the Trillium facilities management business from the Land Securities property group, an offer reportedly totaling £1.1 billion”
    5 “Later that year Staveley was involved in an attempt to help finance the $13.5 billion sale of Barclays Global Investors to the US firm BlackRock, offering $2.8 billion of funding in return for a shareholding of 10 per cent, an amount that reportedly included a commitment of Staveley’s own money”
    6 “In 2010 Staveley was reported to have advised the Qatari property investment company Barwa in their purchase of the Park House site on Oxford Street from Land Securities for £250 million, a deal that was said to have earned PCP Capital Partners in the region of £5 million to £7.5 million in fees.In March 2012 it was announced that Waterway PCP Properties Ltd, a Middle Eastern private equity group fronted by Staveley, had paid Land Securities £234 million for their Arundel Great Court site on the north bank of the Thames in London”

    • Leazes

      Accounts are empty, she brokered the deal and Eadie is only her accountant who resigned… and resigned from every one of her businesses.

      She got a brokering fee.

      • Save the toon

        Like you would no all this…fuckin doom merchant,

        • anyobrien

          Correct

        • TheNutJob

          😂😂😂😂😂

        • Peaky Magpie

          Did well to get the f word in there bud,ive had loads of comments withdrawn for much less ! 👍👍👍

        • paul mclaughlan

          How did you get away with typing a swear word? I couldn’t write the shortened name for Richard earlier on.

          • Tony Mann

            Just tried the f word – It’s waiting to be approved by the Mag. How did ‘save the toon’ get away with it?

          • paul mclaughlan

            Feckin unbelievable mate.

          • Tony Mann

            Effin brill this!

          • paul mclaughlan

            Just tried to swear properly before. Comment is pending. 😂

          • Peaky Magpie

            Could he be Mr Disqus ????? Mmmmmm

          • Peaky Magpie

            Try typing Arthur C O X normally and they’ll review your comment and then remove it ???

        • Mitros gotta start

          ^^^^^nibble^^^^^^

      • Guest 2

        The accounts you can see are empty.

        • Leazes

          Not quite PCP … the second version has £3.5 million in it…. enough for a horse or two maybe.

          • Guest 2

            and whats in the Jersey company? Ah, we can’t see or tell. She works through offshore affiliates – seems a good enough explanation to me considering who she has represented to date.

          • Leazes

            You’ll be hoping its got £300m in it then.

          • Guest 2

            Couldn’t care less. If she is brokering the deal then the money won’t be in this country yet anyway.

          • Leazes

            What money?

          • Guest 2

            The magic money which you can’t find – but buys the likes of Man City. Untwist your knickers and move on.

          • Leazes

            Think its you in a twist daft lad…. where is the takeover?

          • Guest 2

            What takeover? Thought you are arguing it’s all a PR stunt for Ashley’s benefit?
            “But by 2005, she had set up Dubai-based private equity company PCP Capital Partners, which keeps such a low profile it doesn’t even have a website.”
            Dubai based – comprende?

          • Leazes

            PCP account isn’t in Dubai …. its British registered with the owners permanent address and has £3.5 million in it…. which is more than any of the other accounts. Probably Amanda’s share of the Lightwater Valley Company which she and her brother inherited and sold. PCP Capital Partners has a share issue of ONE share…. there are no partners.

            Her husband was said to be Iranian but he’s a British national and runs a PR company from Chiswick High Rd, it has about £65k in it.

            This is looking increasingly like a PR event

            The Curry House meeting with the owner of the express Richard Desmond in tow…. cheap stunt.

            The whole thing designed to draw out a genuine bidder has gone silent because it didn’t work. If Amanda is representing middle east money are they really quibbling about a few million?… NO!

            Oh yes….and Amanda’s three times great grandfather was mayor of Newcastle his name was Henry Ingledew.

            There you go …. its a stunt and they’ve roped in lazy journalists who didn’t do their homework.

          • Guest 2

            Jeez, man. PCP Capital Partners LLP (formerly Ltd) is registered as a UK company. So what? PCP International Finance Ltd is registered in jersey. You think PCP can’t have a Dubai based existence too?

          • hetonmag

            Your talents are wasted on this forum you should be scripting the next James Bond movie.

          • Peaky Magpie

            Bond v BetVictor ?

          • X,WHY,Y MAN.

            I thought PCP was just angel dust ?
            I think we are being had ower !

          • Mitros gotta start

            Or half a joselu

  • Peaky Magpie

    I tell you what If Guest 2 now happens to mention BetVictor Leazes will be to take away !!!

    • Guest 2

      Surprised he’s not already having a fit over the mention of offshore accounts!

      • Leazes

        I’ll leave having a fit to you when the penny drops that this is a stunt.

        • TheNutJob

          😂😂

          • Peaky Magpie

            Ali v Foreman,Federer v Nadal ….and now….Leazes v Guest 2….Loving it !!!

          • TheNutJob

            Is he Clarko`s bro

          • Guest 2

            No need for that form of insult! I agree with Leazes, usually, but he’s on a conspiracy rant with this one.

          • TheNutJob

            there`s always a conspiracy with fatty

          • Leazes

            He pulls stunts….. and has for ten years…. premeditated…. little cost maximum effect.

          • TheNutJob

            eaxactly

          • Leazes

            No conspiracy, just asked myself the question ‘how wealthy is Amanda’?….

          • Guest 2

            Doesn’t need to be wealthy to broker a deal. She clearly has money somewhere – so it’s possible she could take a stake herself if a deal was done. That’s the story in a nutshell isn’t it?

          • Leazes

            …that’s why I said she’s a broker not a prospective owner. Its the press still going on about her.

          • Guest 2

            She could be a broker and own a stake in the club.
            Anyway here’s another one to add to your list –
            PCP GULF INVEST 3 LIMITED, registered and active in Jersey.
            And from 2010 – “Barclays has today received notice of the exercise by PCP Gulf Invest 3 Limited, owned by Nexus Capital Investing Ltd, (“PCP3”) of 626,835,443 of the 758,437,618 warrants it holds in Barclays PLC for an aggregate exercise price of approximately £1,240 million,”

          • Guest 2

            Nexus is offshore also, registered in Tortola in the Caribbean.

          • Leazes

            Who are the board members….I can’t find Staveley just Mansour Bin Zayed Al Nahyan

          • Guest 2

            Dunno. As I said, the company is owned by Nexus who is registered in Tortola, BVI

          • TheNutJob

            £115 to a £120m, pocket money to fatty

        • Guest 2

          It’d take a house to fall on my head before I believe Staveley is anyway involved in a PR stunt on behalf of and for the benefit of Ashley.
          Maybe that’s what happened to you already, hence your manic conspiracy fueled ramblings?

          • Leazes

            I don’t ramble I do paragraphs.

          • Guest 2

            That’s a sentence…

          • Leazes

            Well spotted.

          • Duh

            yeah Leazes was going on about this yesterday.

            I think her business would be done if she engaged in a stunt like this and it was exposed. She heads up a serious financial advisory firm which relies on client trust. Besides she has a track record here, she brokered the Man City deal, I don’t think anyone challenges that as fact.

            Mikey is definitely capable of such things, I don’ think Stavely is. She seems to have everything to lose and nothing to gain from this.

          • Leazes

            Hello David….’Staveley’

          • hetonmag

            Correct.👍

  • Jamie Smith

    Do people get that Amanda Staveley is not a potential owner? She’s a broker, basically an intermediary.
    The gut feeling is that this is all going to amount to nothing and we’re cattle trucked. However, we’ve all got to accept that no-one actually knows and we can only speculate

    • Leazes

      Well you know if anything comes from pointless arguments its one basic agreement… It can’t possibly be Staveley who purchases the club. That the Chronicle and Dr, Ed are still going on about it shows you have to dig a little deeper than the press to find the truth.

      I don’t know what sort of owner she would be but she seems to like horsies. her husband likes Liverpool…. If talks are going on then nobody in the press has flushed them out….

      ….the curry…. did he get poppadoms with it.

      • Guest 2

        Now, that’s sensible and I agree with that.
        I get the impression he was more of a Naan bread type though.

  • TheNutJob

    he`s stitched everybody up, the manager, Staveley, the fans, his own MD Penfold cos he`ll take the fall with HMRC not Fatty. you couldn`t write the script, the guy`s a bad, bad man

    • Andy Mac

      Which is why we need to get him Out Out Out !

  • Andy Mac

    “You can just picture him ‘Only Fools and Horses’ style, lying on a sun longer with a huge cocktail with a pink umbrella in it,”

    “Del Boy” ? Maybe that should be his new nickname because we all know he’s fat ? Ashley’s Retail Sales Operation Ltd ?

    • Peaky Magpie

      Don’t know if it was intentional or not but Ashley’s Retail Sales Operation Ltd = A R S O L

      • Andy Mac

        Trotter’s Independent Traders !

  • hetonmag

    Just waiting for yet another Sky interview with Craigie, the lying machine just keeps on giving.

    • Peaky Magpie

      He’s probably on his way there now,Pedro will have picked him up at the airport !

      • TheNutJob

        Pedro`s mowing Penfolds lawn

        • Peaky Magpie

          I hope it’s not with the same mower he’s been cutting his own hair with for the last 40 odd years ???

        • Leicester Mag

          I hope this isn’t a Finbar Saunders euphemism! A frightening image

          • Peaky Magpie

            😂😂😂

          • Cockneytrev

            😂😂😂

      • Mike

        aye saying that those ethnics are giving me grief

    • Leazes

      ‘Heaton’ not ‘Heton’

      • TheNutJob

        😂😂

      • hetonmag

        Told you before it’s Hetton birthplace of Bob Paisley, Ralf Coates, Harry Potts (ex Burnley manager).

      • Stephen Paylor

        Hetton is Durham mate

        • Leazes

          I did look at a map…. Sunlun.

          • hetonmag

            Shut up I’m in Co. Durham told you to get out of that darkened room. Where do you live fantasy island.

      • Tony Mann

        Depends – Monkseaton Magpies used to call himself Monksaton Magpies before literacy/spelling (and I pointed it out to him) smacked him in the face. Jeez – how thick do you have to be to know how to NOT spell your name?

    • X,WHY,Y MAN.

      That little buck toothed snake has become a feature of Ashley’s Reign Of Terror On Tyneside.
      Whenever you see his face on Evil-Sports you just know it’s going to be bad news for fans of the club !

  • TheNutJob

    the scary blonde`s grandad ran an illegal betting empire, she`s quoted as saying
    “he taught me everything”
    was`t enough when she met the son of Satan though

    • Leazes

      On her mother side.

      • TheNutJob

        Ralph Raper

        • Leazes

          Yup….

  • X,WHY,Y MAN.

    Ashley is back from holiday so it is full steam ahead into what ?
    Ashley’s Holiday Movements, Would rather hear about his bowel movements due to being nauseous at continued takeover talks !

  • Leo

    He must of found out that Rafa played a competitive team in the cup, and is rushing back to put him on the naughty step.

  • Peaky Magpie

    When’s the interlude between Leazes n Guest 2 ?? I’m dying for a cuppa & the khazi !!!

    • Damon Horner

      Kept me entertained… I wonder if Leazes seriously believes that!

      • Peaky Magpie

        They should have filmed that ding dong,PPV or Amazon would be raking it in now,I’m worn out just reading it.

  • Stephen Paylor

    Its 2018, business doesn’t stop because someone is in a different country. Ashley if he doesn’t do a deal now loses Rafa and with it likely half the fans become crazy demonstrators which will see the club go down again and this time likely not back up he aint stupid. Club will be sold.

    • Leazes

      Maybe Ashley likes demonstrations to make him feel important.

      • Leicester Mag

        Touch of the D Trumps

        • Leazes

          Twins

          • Mitros gotta start

            Twins?
            Hardly….1 is a thick fat ugly billionaire that talks out of his 4rse…..oh, hang on…..

          • Peaky Magpie

            😂😂

          • Rich Lawson

            No,same bloke but with an orange wig,that’s why he’s so rarely seen at the park .

  • same-old

    It
    will be the most Newcastle thing ever if we bring in a new rich owner
    after the window slams shut, only for us to go down because Ashley
    refused to spend in January

    • Dillon Tovak

      Agreed.
      Except the new most newcastle thing to happen is just Ashley stays…forever more.

  • Mitros gotta start

    Ashley back in the country 1 day and he gets Rafa the striker he has been begging for….

    Ivan toney has been recalled from wigan….
    Well done fatty!

    • Damon Horner

      Is that an upgrade on Mitrovic? 😉

      • Mitros gotta start

        Cheeky

    • Peaky Magpie

      Is Lovenkrands still fit & healthy ???? 😉

      • Mitros gotta start

        Cant afford his wages

  • TC Toon Army

    I hate to say it, but even mike Ashley, like everyone else, deserves a brake from work. The only bad thing is, I read that he didn’t find his wallet that he left poolside 10 odd years ago. But hopefully someone will get him a new one with 300m in it and he can go on perminant vacation. At least from the club anyway.

    • Leazes

      ‘Break’

      • TC Toon Army

        Thanks for that

    • Cockneytrev

      I’d like to see him with a break,, above his shoulders and below his head!!!

  • Mike

    id stay on a beach get pssd and think folk will wait for me coming back and giving me 300m zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • robbersdog

    Oh dear, the headline got me all excited. The takeover isn’t back on at all!

  • HappyToons

    Front Page Ashley was really at Benidorm and was seen on the plane home in his ‘sports direct’ best togs of pink Slazenger shorts, grey arrow socks, and flip-flops, carrying a sports direct carrier bag stuffed full of bank notes. He was also carrying a big donkey, which is rumoured by the Daily MindYaownBusiness to be our new Spanish CF. Meanwhile the same paper: ‘Rafa says Stoke could be as BIG as Madrid, come and get me.’ ‘Ashley to flip coin…takeaway or takeover’ ‘Peter Beardsley to enter the jungle ‘I am a Celebrity Let Me In’. ‘Newcastle to exchange Mitro for Peter’s Couch, on loan affordable monthly payments.’ ‘Stoke to be twinned with Madrid, REALLY’

    Yes it must be true as it is all in the toilet paper …

    • Mitros gotta start

      As if!

      If rafa goes to stoke then mitro would hardly go there aswell

    • Peaky Magpie

      😂😂😂”I am a Celebrity Let Me In “

    • GToon

      Wearing a sombrero surely!

    • Cockneytrev

      😂😂😂

  • Peaky Magpie

    It’s gone quiet,Leazes & Guest 2 must have gone for a lie doon !?

  • GToon

    I like the title. It makes me think that somehow Ashley has come back having spent too much on holiday like the rest of us and will have to sell the club to tidy himself over for the month.

  • magpiefifer

    Will Ashley agree to spend this month – will I win the Lottery!?
    Fat chance!!!

    • Jezza

      There’s as much chance of Ashley spending as there is of me winning the lottery…..and I’ve never bought a ticket and never will.

      • Blackburn1066

        How sad, you never bought a ticket, why?

        • Jezza

          It’s not sad at all. I have never gambled so when the lottery came along I never saw the point in starting even though most of the country jumped on the bandwagon. I’ve never been one for doing something just because everybody else does it.

  • glassjawsh-got-banned

    his whole life is a holiday, from sense.

  • Gallowgate Frost

    PR stunt

  • Ian James Lightfoot

    Couldnt