As Mr Charnley has struggled to negotiate the purchase of a Danish international for well below the seller’s valuation, the impending scenario is that Joselu may well be the man to continue to lead United’s frontline relegation battle.

Though he is not especially fast and with no great threat in the air, it seems Joselu’s hard work and willingness to close down his opponent, outweighs the fact that he is less likely to finish than a Tory MP corruption investigation.

As a man who reached double figures for goals in a mere 27 years of playing Sunday football, I thought who better than I to cast judgement on whether our current superstar is better than some of his predecessors?

The answer is very clear. Joselu is better than lots of them!

Andreas Andersson, Emmanuel Riviere, Frank Pingel, Billy Whitehurst, Tony Cunningham, George Reilly, John Robertson, Seydou Doumbia, Paul Dalglish, Daniel Cordone, Facundo Ferreyra, Shefki Kuqi, Albert Luque, and of course Xisco, to name but a few.

He is probably better than Stephane Guivarc’h and  Luuk De Jong too.

In my time; Paul Moran and Andy Walker have played up front for Newcastle United.

One was fat, slow and drunk, whilst the other was fat, slow and might have played better if he was drunk.

Now obviously Joselu is no Shola, but continue to give him your support people, we have had much, much worse.

(If I close my eyes I can still see a front line of Ginola, Beardsley, Shearer, Sir Les and Asprilla – oh for those days again.)

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  • Desree

    Joselus mother obviously must read the mag. Or bobbi fleckman has changed names again

  • MichaelMaximusMoose

    Not bad, he`s f##kin useless, he couldn`t score for Gateshead & whoever signed him wants shafting with a baseball bat

    • Peaky Magpie


  • Jezza

    Joselu is simply not good enough. Nothing against the lad personally but if and when we go throuigh the rest of the season with him as our main striker, it will costs us our Premiership status.

    • JonMag

      the strikers will surely cost us our premiership status, there`s little doubt about that

  • ghostrider

    When you ask your strikers to do everything other than what they’re there for then you’re naturally going to lose most of their game.
    The man spends most of his time chasing shadows or getting battered in the wrong areas.
    Little to no service in most games does nothing for his game.
    He’s obviously no world beater but Messi would look bang average in this Rafa set up.
    That’s why I say, don’t waste time buying a striker because Rafa will just waste the effort of one coming in.

    • JonMag

      i once had a parrot like you, it`s dead now, it talked to much

      • ghostrider

        It would have died anyway just like we all do whether we talk or not.

      • Kneebotherm8

        Not a Norwegian Blue was it?………..

        • Rich Lawson

          Had a great reply to that but it is just waiting for approval,so we’ll never know now ! Must have been an ISIS parrot ? And how can I mention them but not another animal ?

          • Kneebotherm8

            Mention dead parrots and Monty Pythons always springs to mind…….showing our age I guess…….but classic comedy anyways..

          • Rich Lawson

            Ashley and Charnley in the ”Fish Slapping Dance” would be worth watching.

          • Kneebotherm8

            They definitely need slapping……….🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

  • Geordie Pete Moore

    is this a joke ? Not great in the air, not very fast ? I would add cannot cross a ball and a few other things, He can however run around like a headless chicken closing players doon ? Seen enough to show him the door, Gayle had a poor game up front as well but cant be too disappointed that we are out of the FA cup this year. it gives us a slightly better chance of staying up. This is the premier league and in this league you need REAL quality in your team. 52k fans week in week out, huge sums of money paid out on advertising and TV deals so where has the money gone Ashley ? we should by now be able to compete with the so called top boys in the transfer market or am I missing something ? time is ticking tik tok

  • Paul Patterson

    Not for me I’m afraid, yes there’s been worse, but he is still one of the worst we’ve had in the PL era.
    His record is similar to Albert Luque.

  • 1957

    I’m all for giving our players a chance but Hoss has had his a failed miserably. He might work hard but his job as our lone striker has to be primarily to score goals, ideally getting into double figures. He doesn’t do that and never has. Even at £5m he was overpriced, we wouldn’t get our money back if we tried to sell him.

    George Reilly scored 10 goals for us in 31 appearances we’d probably settle for that at the moment

  • GToon

    When we signed him I spoke to a stoke city keeper and he said he is amazing at finishing but just needs that fraction of a second too long to take his shot. Without pressure he can score, either foot, headers, the lot but he just isn’t quick enough. He’s like the opposite of Michael Owen. Owen was an ok player but had amazing pace that gave him that extra second to take a shot. It makes the world of difference in the EPL.

    • Paul Patterson

      I always remember Alan Shearer saying that defenders hate playing against one thing- pace.
      When you have it, it can cover up for a lack of finishing quality. With Alan the opposite was true, his finishing compensated for his lack of pace.
      The reason why the Shearer/Bellamy partnership worked was Bellamy had the pace and missed many chances, Alan didn’t but finished more often than not. As a combo they were lethal at times, it would be nice to get a partnership again but they cost money, amounts we don’t want to spend.

      • Down Under Mag

        Bellamy was great at pulling defenders out of position and creating space for Shearer to play in, giving him more time which resulted in goals. Was a great partnership had it not been for their ego’s lol

        • Paul Patterson

          Or Bellamy being a twerp..

      • len robson

        Two knee ops took Alan pace away as always we were unluckly when we needed it as a club.

        • Philippines

          Alan lost pace but was wonderful at winning the ball in the air, holding it and laying it off for others, then he would move into position. I never realised how good he was until he retired. I sort of took it for granted before that. I am sure many did.

          • Paul Patterson

            Yeah me too. He was still good in a poor side. You can’t replace the irreplaceable and he dragged us out of the clarets often.

  • X,WHY,Y MAN.

    When you put things into context of some of those players on the list then, Yes he is no worse lol

  • Peaky Magpie

    ⏱⏱⏱ tick tock,tick tock…….

  • Mike Adam


  • Peter Stabler

    Billy Rafferty was the worst I can remember (shudders).

  • Keeganontherebound

    Good article – we have had much worse on the books. He’s already scored 4 goals. Hardly an awful record for a £5m striker these days. The real problem is he should be a squad player at most but he ends up playing all the time because we -so far- haven’t invested in a top quality striker.

  • Mrkgw

    When I read this dross (about Hoss), I thought that it was April fools day. Wake up man. For heavens sake.

  • 5floorshigh

    oh yes he bleeding is……and you missed Gayle of the schit list

    • 5floorshigh

      haha was only joking……they are both fab…..way better than Mitro !

  • Stephen Paylor

    Joselu at 5 million was decent value but he is not someone that should be the main striker in a premier league squad. A squad player thats all and would be that at pretty much any other premier league team other than NUFC. We have arguably the weakest of any PL club as options up front. This is also confirmed by the stats on FIFA 18 for you gamers out there. Luan would get me excited for sure though