I’m not someone who normally listens to football talk-ins.

There’s only so many times you can listen to fans of the ‘top 6’ moaning because they’ve lost a match / aren’t in the top 4 / haven’t won a trophy recently / or have won a trophy recently but not the one they wanted to win.

However, on those odd occasions I’ve listened to talksport, and Simon Jordan has been on the programme, he‘s always managed to steer the discussion around to Newcastle United.

He keeps saying that we are ‘nothing special’ but he seems to be endlessly fascinated by the toon and can’t stop talking about us.

You would have thought that someone who looks like he failed the audition for Kajagoogoo wouldn’t want to draw attention to himself but Simon Jordan seems desperate to stir up a bit of controversy and start a row with Newcastle fans. Of course Crystal Palace fans have a history of doing this.

Despite its massive population, Sarf London only manages to support one, middling Premiership team so they’ve had to invent a rivalry with Brighton. Unlike Newcastle and Sunderland, these two clubs  aren’t physically close and instead of their rivalry going back centuries, there’s only goes back to the 70s when the Brighton manager was rude to some Crystal Palace fans.

Simon Jordan’s particular way of trying to start a row is to spout the same sort of ill-informed, ignorant opinions that I always hear whenever I walk into one of my locals in South London wearing a Newcastle shirt.  You know the sort of thing…

You don’t like Alan Pardew/ Mike Ashley because they’re cockneys.

I bet you think you’re going to finish in the top 4 this season.

You’ll be calling for Rafas head once you lose a few games.

Simon Jordan spouts the usual, ignorant rubbish and then adds some more of his own.

In his latest comments about Newcastle he claimed that we had ‘run away’ with the League last season (which is funny because I seem to remember Brighton being well ahead of us with just three matches to go). Then added that we’d spent as much as Huddersfield when we got up into the Premier League but that Huddersfield were simply making better use of their resources (Again, I seem to remember Huddersfield having a net spend of over £40million in the Summer whilst our net spend was closer to £10 million).

What was really gratifying was that after coming up with this latest nonsense there was a long wait before he got any response and his co-presenter started to sound a bit desperate, as he asked if any Newcastle fans could ring in.

I think this is an appropriate response to Simon Jordan. Just ignore the b……

I know this might seem like a bit of a contradiction as I’ve just written an article about him, but if he can’t manufacture a row with Newcastle, maybe he’ll pick on someone of a similar size to Palace, like say Charlton or Millwall. Teams with similar levels of support and similar levels of achievement (ie. They haven’t won anything) who could actually be classed as their nearest rivals.

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  • Leicester Mag

    Guy is a total cockwomble

    • anyobrien

      He he

  • Wor Lass

    “Simon Jordan seems desperate to stir up a bit of controversy and start a row with Newcastle fans …” Perhaps he`s Clarko in disguise!

  • Sean Bellamy

    This really is some childish and bitter nonsense that paints you just as badly as Jordan paints himself.

    • anyobrien


  • Leazes Ender

    Why don’t you do an article on Ryder….

    Why does he big up useless and average players? and attack the talented ones.

    Why are all players his ‘mates’ when he chums up to them yet he turns on them when they leave?

    Why did he want players whose job it is to make goals like Lauren Robert to help out useless defenders…. not tracking back wah!…. blame to one’s not helping the useless ones!

    That’s right Ryder you cretin… stir the public into protecting your ‘CLUB INSIDERS’ by attacking the better players! SABOTAGE.

    Who are ‘Ryders insiders’?….. look no further than the goalkeeping coach and Elliot. Dummett…. now that Colback is beyond redemption!


    • GToon

      Hoy mate, relax! I’ve never seen you so angry. I’m killing myself laughing! I thought you just normally put factually correct stuff about Ashley’s tenure rather than advocating decapititation one minute and then media revenge the next. Did you not get what you wanted for Xmas or summat? :-)

      • Leazes Ender

        It’s not anger…. its David Mitchell mode.

    • TheNutJob


  • GToon

    I’m glad he exists. I’m glad he says what he says. He’s something to laugh at and I like him for that reason alone.

  • anyobrien

    I got on talk sport years ago when collymore was ranting on about we have a problem with cockney’s.. I put him straight with the usual reply, Rob Lee, super mac, sir les blah blah you get the picture. But I’m glad you’ve written this article as I myself have heard Jordan on a good few time’s attempting to stir the pot… I started to think wtf is his beef with us?.. Has something happened in the past I’ve not heard aboot?…. I really really don’t get it… Tbh I now hope he’s on because its now a running joke with me and my mates to see how long before he mentions us even on sky sports sickly “the debate”.. Show were a string of toss pots spout there ill informed bile he’s been on making the same ludicrous comments…. Grade a bell end.

    • GToon

      He reminds me of some of the simpletons I teach. I sit there, listening to their moronic statements and then tell them “that’s a really important contribution, thanks”. They are happy, I’m happy inwardly laughing at them so everyone’s a winner.

      • TheNutJob

        are they the 1`s who post on the chron

        • GToon

          No. I live in the midlands now. They are mostly villa fans.

          • TheNutJob

            that explains everthing

    • Whitehurst

      Aye he’s a proper tit like. His anti-toon go-to line is always: “Noocastle think they are a big club, they are…but only in Noocastle!”

  • Andy Mac

    Jordan is yet another “expert” who pontificates in the media without accepting that he took Crystal Palace into liquidation during his time as chairman.

    Expert opinions are always welcome. However views given by a perma tanned yesterday man are not.