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This leaves Rafa Benitez with his last job

3 years ago

Is there something biblical going on?

There seems to be something bubbling in the holy water. The press and fans at large have always mocked little old us in our never-ending search for the ‘new’ Messiah after KK, and I don’t want to live up to the mental Geordie stereotype….but….

Rather than being driven from the Wirral in a posh taxi, if Rafa Benitez (pictured above with the Blyth Mags) had glided into Newcastle in a toga and sandals strutting across the water of the Tyne, sunbeams shooting through the Tyne Bridge lighting up his path – would you have been surprised? Nah, me neither.

Rafa is fast becoming the personification of all that is good. The list of his disciples increases by the day, season ticket sales are soaring higher than Keith Richards’ personal suitcase.

If Mike Ashley had hired the pied piper to strut Barrack Road blowing crack cocaine out his piccolo, he couldn’t hook more people back to the ground.

Santa-Clause riding pillion with the Ghost of the late, great Jackie Milburn on a two stroke motor-bike dishing out golden tickets back to SJP would still probably run a close second!

He’s just got that magic touch, that gravitas. You just trust him implicitly. Been there, done it, bought the Tee-shirt and the company that made the Tee-shirts.  No doubt whatever he turned his hand to he would excel at. Open heart surgery, rocket science, alchemy – nee botha! Don’t doubt it.

Mike Ashley has been like the devil himself, the club sinking closer and closer to hell with each season that passed. The atmosphere has at times been black and unholy.  We the poor natives of this once thriving parish have been soaked to the bone by his sins and hope was extinguished.

Until (*fanfare) Cardinal Benitez parachuted in from Madrid to exorcise us of our demons!


Uri Gellar bending the entire arsenal of the Sheffield Cutlery museum’s spoons whilst reciting the Blaydon Races backwards in a Pentagon of Salt couldn’t have reversed the spell.

Step forward brother Rafa. He has taken full control of the madhouse and made it (almost) sane. The job that nobody wanted, that ‘poisoned chalice’ has been grasped in both hands and the foul water within transformed into Brown Ale – and swigged doon like a man who knows what the future holds. Geet up lad, what a guy!

Somehow this man, has United our club from top to bottom. A club that were United by name, but most definitely not by nature. The fans who were close to desertion themselves are now back on the front foot and following him back to the (so-called) Holy (Hurly) land.

Lascelles, our future Captain in the making, has came out and said we will follow Rafa in wherever he goes. Damn right. Like a diamond bullet through ya’ heed, never has the clarity of the plan been seen like this for donkeys years. The only plan previously held within was lost long ago along with the plot and we’ve been flying blind like Ray Charles hang gliding down Scotswood Road. Just waiting for the bump.

Relegation? What relegation? Powered by Rafa, pies and pints we march onward again.

The transformation in mood, mindset and mentality has been nothing short of miraculous.

Long may it last. A fine result on the Emerald Isle on Saturday, the land where St. Patrick expelled all the snakes from the land, ironically leaves Rafa with his last job. Expel the players who dis-believe and bring in those ready to die for the cause.

I will shed no tears for players leaving, who were always using the club as a means of a crossing only. So don’t you either, thanks lads – but tatty bye.

Newcastle United should be the pinnacle destination. Nowt higher than the highway to heaven.

The Gaffer is working on it, and like the Monkees – “When I saw Rafa’s face – now I’m a believer!”

But before I get a knock on the door by a bunch of men pretending to be ladies with fake beards on, trying to stone me to death with some pointy stones and packets of gravel, I’d best stop the religious guff!

This quite obviously is tongue in cheek, so anyone who takes offence just give your head a little shake!

We have no divine right (last one I promise) to achieve anything, but with hard work and a man who actually has a clue what he’s doing at the helm – it’s a bloody good start!



Keep smiling.

You can follow the author on Twitter @JamieSwan1

(ED: Apologies to Jamie, we managed to put up this article on Sunday missing a significant part of it, so hopefully you have enjoyed the full deal here!)



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