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Newcastle United: The joke that never stops giving

5 years ago

The defeat hurts like hell, but it’s not that;

The  way we lost was disgraceful, inept, shameful, but it’s not that.

It’s not even that every other club is looking at Newcastle United and laughing; why not? We’re the joke that never stops giving.

No, none of those things are what have me fuming this morning.

I might also be angry at the last manager who took us to relegation, who seems to have forgotten that as he pronounces doom and gloom with more ill-placed righteousness than a drunken Vicar on a Sunday night. My respect for Alan Shearer has all but gone.

And then there’s McClaren: hapless, hopeless, incompetent, a man who has failed at every level of management. He just needs the Premier League for a full house. But he came out and, for the first time last night, admitted that the team he “manages” is crap, not good enough, relegation material.

No: I’m furious because, if any research student in need of Government finance suggested a history of Newcastle United’s 2015 – 2016 season followed on social media, they’d get funding. And they’d discover that, since McClaren’s appointment a sensible few have been screaming for his head.

They were far from a majority. The majority – loyal, faithful, hard-working, cash-strapped Newcastle fans – desperately wanted it to work; longed to see McClaren mould talented players into a mean top-half of the table team; to see the club at least achieve SAFETY.

As the season dragged, McClaren hauled the creativity out of Wijnaldum, the fire out of Colback, the skill out of Mitrovic, the guts out of the team. His backroom team oversaw training which created injury after injury and didn’t seem to instil anything other than “couldn’t care less” into the multi-millionaires they are charged with “training”.

And so it was that the number of the Newcastle faithful  calling for McClaren’s inane, smug grin on  a platter grew exponentially.

But NONE of that fully explains why, when the Toon Army sang the loudest it did yesterday, and called for McClaren’s head, I smiled in grim fury.

For McClaren’s head is not enough. The man who has orchestrated this failure is NOT Mike Ashley. The man who has made absolutely certain we will stare relegation in the face until May, and why will almost certainly go down, is LEE CHARNLEY.

He has NO football skills of any kind in ANY role until his job at NUFC.

If my agony, and that of my fellow fans is to be properly assuaged;  If I am to be there next season, chanting and pushing the team on to get promotion back to the Premier League, Lee Charnley must go.

McClaren’s days are numbered anyway but others should go too.

Bob Moncur should fall on his sword NOW and admit his backing for McClaren was wrong, and propping up Lee Charnley’s ailing board was worse.

And Graham Carr should retire and spend the rest of his days watching Billingham Sinfonia in the hopes of finding the next crop of superstars for the French teams who’ve taken our money.

These are torrid times for our club, but the pain could be eased by some REAL entrepreneurial skills from Mike Ashley. Show you have some cojones Ashley:  Sack the lot of them.

Oh look, there’s a pig flying by.

(Or was that – God help us – David Moyes).

You can follow John on Twitter @JOHNDLEWIS54

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