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NUFC: I’m a celebrity…get me out of here

6 years ago

With news that one-time player Kieron Dyer looks to be heading into the jungle, we look at how some of the current NUFC crop would survive on the ITV reality show.

Please be assured that none of the players will be trying to recreate the famous Myleene Klass shower scene.

The Contestants…

Papiss Cisse: Loses all tasks and challenges due to being offside.

Jack Colback: A steady campmate and very reliable. Always happy to collect the wood and can bring back enough stars to ensure they eat. Definitely won’t win but might plod along to fourth place.

Fabricio Coloccini: Assigned the role of camp leader due to his experience. The Argentine’s leadership skills come into question as Colo sits and watches the camp burn down around him.

Siem de Jong: Really wants to take part in the challenges but is ALWAYS ruled out on medical grounds.

Georginio Wijnaldum: Probably the favourite going into the competition, Gini proves he is the man for the occasion by winning stars aplenty.

Daryl Janmaat: Not the man you expect to bomb forward and win the stars, the Dutchman is more than willing to put himself forward to help the cause, but can sometimes forget his actual job of defending the camp.

Aleksandar Mitrovic: Young, daft and up for the fight. The 21 year old will wrestle a crocodile if it means winning stars for his camp. Geordie duo Ant and Dec don’t have a difficult time winding up the Serbian.

Ayoze Perez: Relatively unknown when he arrived from Tenerife, the Spaniard showed he was more than up to the task. As his bromance with Mitrovic blossoms, the youngster coasts into the final.

Moussa Sissoko: Should be one of the favourites and is probably the most physically suited to the jungle, but always goes missing when the camp is looking for someone to do the trial.

Florian Thauvin: The young Frenchman isn’t going to survive this experience. The majority of his time is spent ensuring his hair still looks good.

And the winner is… Ayoze Perez. The little Spaniard does it, because the British public loves an underdog don’t they?

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