Is this man really coming back to Newcastle United?
Amongst the many many tedious transfer stories that they fill the international break/void up with, surely Andy Carroll is king where Newcastle United fans are concerned.
Almost five years have gone by since he was whisked off in a helicopter and Andy Carroll back to Newcastle is a headline that is repeated and repeated and repeated…
There are minor details/reasons to get over, such as…
In Mitrovic, Newcastle already have a big centre-forward who cannot run around very quickly, with nobody to put in any crosses to him either.
Andy Carroll would be expecting £100,000 a week or so from Mike Ashley in wages.
The Geordie striker has only scored 21 league goals in the five years since he left Newcastle.
He’s knackered most of the time anyway and has only made 74 league starts in those five years.
Plus that other small detail of the Hammers allegedly wanting £20m for him.
Once you get past those though, you get to the really serious stuff.
This was part of a question and answer on the West Ham website this week with Andy Carroll:
What was the last meal you cooked?
“I made some sesame seed tuna with breadcrumbs, which was nice. I had to write down the recipe for Joey O’Brien and tell him how I made it.”
What was the last app you downloaded onto your phone?
“Harvey Nichols. I got told by the woman in Harvey Nichols to download their App and have a look at the stuff on there, so I did!”
Andy Carroll is living the dream.
He’s like somebody on the dole winning the lottery.
He has more money than he knows what to do with and whether he turns in for work or not he’s swapping sesame seed tuna recipes with his teammates and buying half of Harvey Nicks on his smartphone.
In his tasteless Essex mansion (see image above) with his (once of Towie) partner and a bairn added earlier this year…
Do you really think soon (January) to be 27 year old Andy Carroll fancies heading back up to the frozen north and actually doing some hard graft?
In his Q and A with the website he was also asked a couple of other questions which take him back to where it all began:
Who was your first football hero?
“Alan Shearer. As a Newcastle United fan, that was standard!”
What was the first nickname you were given in football?
“Shay Given called me ‘horse’, but I can’t think why…! I still get it now from the lads. It seems to have just stuck.”
‘Horse’? More like ‘My Little Pony’…
Andy Carroll will be one of those players that are a bit of a modern phenomenon, famous for how much money they have made and what thy get up to off the pitch, whilst punters will struggle to remember what they actually ever did on a football pitch.
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