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Steve McClaren, a Cow and a Banjo

6 years ago

As I headed toward St James Park on Wednesday night I was listening to Radio Newcastle as the team news came out.

This was followed by an excellent interview with the Newcastle United first team coach, Paul Simpson.

Radio Newcastle’s Mick Lowes stated the obvious, ‘you have gone strong’.

Paul Simpson then spoke impressively and passionately about respect for the competition, respect for the opposition and his desire to win a trophy for Newcastle United.

The Sheff Wed team was then announced and it showed no less than 10 changes from the team that beat Fulham last weekend, in other words they did not think they could win?

I was quietly very confident.

Surely the unthinkable could not happen now, Newcastle United v Sheffield Wednesday reserves, the rest as they say is history!

Far worse than the spineless display against Wigan a few year back, at least Wigan reserves were then Premier league reserves

So what now?

In my eyes, the knives are out for a clearly inept manager, clearly tactically inept, clearly unable to motivate, but very able to field a team that would insult the generous paying public.

On this occasion you can’t blame Mike Ashley, he backed the new manager with cash, and in my eyes the cash was well spent, but in a few short weeks these players look McClarened, and in a shorter time than any previous player was Pardewed.

The excitement of the first game against Southampton, and it was a good promising performance, replaced by games with players who look clueless and terrified.

So I ask again, what now?

Despite the fact that Chelsea never win up here, I fully expect zero points from our next two games. I actually worry about how many we might concede, seeing how Man City dispatched our equally inept neighbours with ease…….is double figures that far-fetched?

We will in all likelihood be adrift by several points by the time the ‘bald men fighting over a comb’ derby takes place, these really are worrying times and relegation is at this moment looking likely.

The only way the damage can be repaired is for Newcastle United to come out fighting and beat Chelsea this weekend, not a gallant draw or a brave defeat, but a win, there can be nothing less.

Has this team got what it takes to do that?

I actually think we have the players to trouble any team, unfortunately I don’t think we have a manager who is remotely close to being able find a formation to do this.

I would start with simplicity, drag a cow and a banjo onto the training ground, and you probably know where this is going…but no, hang on, wait, read on.

Line the players up to each take turns at hitting Steve McClaren with the banjo, then let the cow have a go as well, before anyone says it’s cruel, please remember, our bodies feel battered after each passing defeat!

Steve McClaren, you are in fact drinking in the very last chance saloon,  win on Saturday and you can stay and have another drink, draw and you might get one or two sympathisers, lose and the whole city will be sniffing blood whilst holding the hangman’s noose!

I don’t care that it is Chelsea, it could be horrible Stoke or colourful Norwich, after what you did to us the last two games, the change has to start now.

There can be no more failures.

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