My daughter has just asked me for an ice cream cos it is so hot.

Obviously I didn’t get her one straight away but said I’d wait until all of my bills had gone out of my account.

I would then meet with her mother to discuss the options open to us.

I would then hold another meeting to discuss the best course of action and if the ice cream would have a sell on value.

Finally, I will offer the ice cream man half of the price he wants.

If he wishes to turn me down then I’m sure my daughter will understand.

Perhaps I could give her some water instead. Tap water, obviously.

Meanwhile, all the other kids in the street are really enjoying their ice creams.

Still, that one pound in the bank is probably the equivalent of a couple of million when you’re a multi billionaire, so I know how good it feels too Mr Ashley.

I will also continue to invest in her upbringing.

(ED: This was originally left by GToon in the comments section on another article but I’m sure you’ll agree it deserved wider exposure)



  • Toonbadger

    Poor bairn

  • LeazesEnder

    Not eve a wafer….

  • dude 1

    GToon love it but let’s hope the fat controller dose not see this as he may get in touch and ask yourself for a more in depth review on how he can extract more money from our club

  • stephen richards

    Even if they buy us an ice cream they wil definitely be no flake or monkeys blood

  • GToon

    That’s funny! I live in the midlands these days and asked the ice cream man for monkeys blood this week and he just smiled and put the sauce on! My wife didn’t know what i meant though.

  • GToon

    I have just been laughing with my wife at the fact you put this on. My little daughter Katie is very greedy and very resourceful too. She does actually keep a cup with money in and gets her own ice creams when the van turns up. She is perhaps more like our illustrious owner than a poor deprived kid!

  • Phildene

    What a good little article GToon and well expressed. I’d imagine your little daughter has been brought up very well and is polite too.

  • Porciestreet

    Read your piece earlier and thought it worthy of it’s own page. Good analogy.

  • Porciestreet

    GToon I used to preter the “Martians P!55” mesel like   God Bless Michael Quadrini,.

  • GToon

    Aye, you can imagine that if you like. My wife and I try to imagine it too! Shes canny. Hates football tho,

  • john oneil

    Funny, but sadly a true analogy… gerrim oot..!!

  • Paul Patterson

    Brilliant!

  • TonnekToon

    Good little article , made me smile . We have a playing squad a bit like ice cream too . Ice creams melt in the sun , our current lot usually melt at the first bit of pressure . We can only live in hope of some decent signings.

  • wor monga

    Does that ice cream man only have 1 ice cream on offer…and the
    other kid’s want it…some of their dad’s might be prepared to pay more to get
    it, or maybe the ice cream man wants to take it round to the next estate where
    the families are better off and put the price up on the way round there…

    …then
    again maybe the ice cream itself didn’t want to go to your daughter, and wanted
    to go to a kid that was going to Europe for his summer holidays rather than
    Cullercoats.

    …Hope she’s not too disappointed and whine on forever about
    it like the Mag’s writers do though!!!

  • GToon

    She does unfortunately! She’s worse than me.

  • DavidDrape

    GToon is that cup a sports direct mug?

  • GToon

    What, one of those big ones? Nah, if she put too much in me and her mother would nick it!