For all of his business acumen, Mike Ashley is a failure.

He is by far the wealthiest owner the club has ever had, but in relative terms has achieved nothing compared to John Hall, or Gordon McKeag, or Stan Seymour.

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He has a multi million pound football club, he’s worth at least £4,000,000,000 (four thousand million) pounds and is unable to make it a success.

I don’t think he has the brains to plan to fail.

He knows how to sell cheap clothes to the street punter, but move him up a class and he is lost. He has a habit of putting people in positions of authority in which they clearly are not suited to, or capable of.

He does this by listening to them, weighing up how much he knows about football against how much Dennis Wise, Joe Kinnear, or Lee Charnley, or even Bob Moncur (good footballer, very poor manager) say that they know and makes a decision.

Wise was an ex Chelsea/Wimbledon/Leicester player; fined for attacking a taxi driver, assaulting his own team mates and famous for getting booked / sent off, a lot. He had a failed managerial stint, told MA that the sun shone out of his backside, how he was misunderstood as a manager and Boo! With no prior experience we had a new director of Football????

Charnley was a personal assistant to Russell Cushing, a PA, or as the rest of the world call it, a secretary/teamaker/notepad carrier, eventually becoming club secretary. He has no certifiable background in running a company and yet earns in excess of £120,000 a year. Why?…..because he told MA he could do it.

Why did JFK get a job, twice, because he told MA he could do it when they were drinking in a pub!  If MA was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon he’d now have the donkey head that Tom usually gets.

It took two stints of JFK for Ashley to realise he was being suckered, he put a pillock in charge of transfers and got no one in, yet it still took Ashley a year for the penny to drop.

Why didn’t MA realise that Shepherd had built up Newcastle with a large debt? Because Shepherd never told him, he therefore neglected to carry out due diligence and was suckered again.

How did Moncur get anywhere near the boardroom when he was escorting paid visitors on VIP trips only last year and pretending he was Captain Pugwash on his boat for the close season? Because he told MA he could do it. Director material? No.

I despise the way Ashley is treating our club, I think his choice of directors is laughable, if NUFC was on the stock market we’d be falling through the floor.

It’s been eight years since he took over the club and he still hasn’t realised he’s been made a fool of.

Anyway, there is a boardroom full of people who pity him already (they’re just too scared to tell him).



  • Porciestreet

    What a good piece, and every word is dead right.

  • Demented_Man

    Absolutely spot on.  There are far too many people, such as Marco Gabbiadini, who are in thrall of him just because he’s made a bit of money.

  • NottsToon

    Sorry, but I disagree. Mike Ashley is far from an idiot and each and every one of the appointments described here was a calculated decision to the end of distracting the mug punters whilst he reams the club of all the actual money.
    He isn’t an idiot, he’s a confidence trickster intent on relieving NUFC of that troublesome TV contract money (where is that by the way?), and fans of the change in their pockets. All this whilst advertising his actual business in one of the most public places in the world (the PL) for no money.

  • Chemical Dave

    If he read this article he’d piss himself laughing. You talk like you think he’s trying to make the football club successful? Dear me man.

  • Alsteads

    I know people that have made a mint and they are horrible, I know people that have made a mint and are genuinely thick as fxck. All of them (when I say all I mean 5) have no genuine friends. Ashley would fall into that same pathetic bracket (you may have money, but I’m glad I’m me not you) but the difference is he has our club as a toy thing and will continue to make rash, horrible decisions just to pxss us off cos he can. Would love to hear from his so called school friends lol
    He is like the adopted kid at school. You were always skint but he always had money and bought the other kids sweets and thought he was popular. As it turned out and kids got paper rounds and their own bit he ended up a sad lonely twxt !

  • v0ices

    NottsToon spot on, people need to understand football is not why ashley is involved in nufc exploting the club to make money is thats why the debt to ashley has grown assets have been stripped on favour of mash holdings and revenue streams strangled in favour of sports direct. he is not doing a bad job of rumning a football club he is doing a great job of making money for mike ashley, football is just something that has to happen so he gets his money.

  • IbizaToon

    Alsteads My response has nothing to do with football, or Newcastle United, so apologies in advance. But what the hell has a kid being adopted got to do with that scenario?

    I suppose as I’ve commented, I should address the article too…
    Ashley the sucker? Wild increase in personal wealth and a mass of people who continue to line his pockets….who is the sucker again?

  • mrkgw

    Charnley – purely out of his depth. Moncur – just doesnt instil confidence. Sorry – just my opinion.

  • SteveSmith16

    Disagree with the majority of this article.
    You don’t get as rich as Ashley by being as stupid as he’s made out to be here.
    Dennis Wise? Just an easy way of getting rid of KK who proved to be a thorn in his side.
    Kinnear? Blatant scapegoat for a lack of signings that were never going to happen anyway.
    Charnley? Looks like a complete toss pot / cartoon character. Even despots need a laugh.
    The due diligence on the “debt”? Justification for his tyranny at this club in the eyes of the media and the sheep who believe that he’s “saving” us.
    If Ashley wanted us to be successful then you can guarantee we would be.

  • foggy

    The new turnstiles at st james park are set to be in operation for the first home game of the season.
    They are all connected to Ashleys office by microphone. The sound the turnstile makes as it is being operated is “mug” and the sound in Ashleys office is “kerching”.
    mug-kerching-mug-kerching-mug-kerching……… 50000 times.

  • MagpieG

    Sorry, what exactly did Seymour and McKeag achieve at NUFC?

  • Chemical Dave

    Steve, perfect summary.

  • DownUnderMag

    SteveSmith16 agree, stupid?? No!  Unscrupulous and not bothered who he steps on to make a profit??  You betcha!

  • CMRowley

    What a load of tosh tosh.
    You’re seriously suggesting that this man just stumbles round being convinced by manipulative chancers?

  • Bornunderabigbluestar

    SteveSmith16  Excellent summary. During Kinnear’s second time there was never any intention to sign anyone, so perfect scapegoat. Don’t believe the due diligence bit, he is not that stupid, I do believe he tried to sell us straight away and it fell through. He has no emotional tie to the club, its cold hard business to him.

  • Andgeo

    It is as simple as this. ASHLEY OUT! There is no other way forward. He has a track record now of appointing fall guys. And when we have had the right people there in shearer, Keegan and houghton who were all they have been undermined. This is all intended to distract attention away from what he is doing, which is profiting from the football club, at everyone else’s expense!!
    Ashley out! Ashley out! Ashley out! Ashley out! Ashley out! Ashley out! Ashley out! Ashley out! Ashley out!
    ASHLEY OUT!!!!!!!!

  • mactoon

    Chemical Dave  You are spot on. His business model is for the club to SURVIVE not succeed and nothing has happened since his ‘come and buy your season ticket battle cry’ to convince me anything has changed.

    If what he said was genuine why are we one of the only three clubs who haven’t signed anyone despite the press putting out McClarens supposed top target list.

  • JohnEllis2

    Anyone who has bought a season ticket are a bunch muppets dopey feckers

  • tino o

    All these no hopers have been used as his human shields while Ashley is counting his profits. It’s clear he has no interest in football nufc works for him and sd kinnear and Co disposables. He lives for making money and he seems to be good at it. He is achieving what he set out to do when he bought the club helped out by supporters who continue to feed the fat pig. Ashley out!