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Time for a new Court Jester at Newcastle United

5 years ago

So after John Carver, it looks like the club are destined to appoint Steve McClaren as the new manager, sorry ‘Head Coach’, of what used to be Newcastle United.

Once again proving that Mike Ashley and his board are past masters at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory by passing up on World Cup winner Patrick Vieira, that is if he was even considered in the first place.

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Survival Sunday and the owner’s grand speech of words without meaning seem a long time ago now. That brave new dawn which so many heralded as being about to arrive seems to, once again, have been replaced by the darkest night. Thanks to a regime for whom the most staggering thing about their ineptitude, is that it actually seems to get worse over time.

I wrote several weeks before the end of the season that Newcastle United is heading full steam towards the edge of a cliff, and aside from a half decent performance against a West Ham side who were at least partially on the beach, I have seen absolutely nothing which makes me change that assessment.

Many saw optimism in a statement from the owner which told us absolutely nothing other than his intent to carry on as normal, until he decides not to, with his policy of, “continuing to invest.”

The sane amongst us saw nothing more than a greedy man trying to deflect attention away from the horrors he has perpetrated ,by attempting to hint at a bright future which he has no intention of delivering. The proven liar lies again, surprising right?

The stench of rot and decay from St James’ Park has not lessened, it has got worse.

Firstly, in the classless way in which long serving players, one of whom kept us in the league virtually single-handedly on the last day, have been dispatched via a shared phone call with the coach.

Secondly, in the utterly shambolic way in which the head coach hunt (ha!) has been conducted over a period of no less than six months, resulting it would seem in the imminent appointment of Pardew 2 (electric boogaloo).

The familiar story of a British coach, who had formerly shown some promise and was now seeing their star fade, employed in desperate times by a club who thoroughly match that with their former promise and current slump. A romantic dream of shared redemption quickly being turned into a joint descent further into mediocrity and disdain for all involved, at the whim of a mad miser who couldn’t lie straight in bed.

We are asked to believe that they will sign six quality players based on the generosity of the benevolent owner, news delivered by the club’s selected media partners. Conveniently ignoring the fact that we have already released 6 from an understrength squad, along with 2 more sold on in January – it looks pretty grim for reinforcements.

Whether six players will be brought in is debateable.

Whether they will be of the calibre required is extremely doubtful.

Whether it will be enough to re-energise the squad…an odds on certainty that it won’t, and the answer to the question of whether fans should be looking forward to next season under these conditions is a resounding no.

The comparison between McClaren and Pardew is an appropriate one. Both were highly rated earlier in their career and tipped for big things (although McClaren did actually get a crack at the national job).

Both saw their star dwindle over a number of years, resulting in their dismissal from lower league clubs.

Both out of work at the time of appointment, and both desperate for a credible job with a ‘big club’ to try to seek some personal redemption.

The issue of course being that thanks to the now infamous blueprint, the job is anything but credible, instead it is a thankless task of being the only public facing employee of a business with hundreds of thousands of customers in all corners of the world.

A company where every week you have to stand face to face with 50,000 or so of these customers who will let you know in no uncertain terms if you are doing a bad job.

And do a bad job you will, the owner and board will see to that, the blueprint will see to that, the lack of funds, disgust from the terraces, worst injury record in the league, players sold from under your nose and constant negativity caused by all this will see to that.

To become Newcastle United ‘head coach’ under the current regime, with this blueprint in place, is to accept an impossible job where the only reward is cold hard cash, and probably not a great deal of that.

Surely no serious coach or manager would accept these ludicrous conditions, which leaves us choosing what we deserve. A joke of a coach, a clown and court jester in the kingdom of mad King Mike.


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