Welcome to the Newcastle United transfer truth guide, your essential companion to surviving the nightmare which is the summer transfer window.

With 54 days until the Premier League kicks off again and NUFC still to unveil their first signing, we are deep in transfer speculation territory.

(To feature like Sam, send in your articles for our website to [email protected])

New names, old names, players from the Premier League and from foreign leagues far and wide.

Just how do you decide which transfer tales are credible and which are not?

To help you, I have designed this non-scientifically proven (awaiting patent) accompaniment to your Newcastle United transfer window browsing in the days, weeks and months ahead.

78 days until the summer transfer window closes, here is your essential transfer truth guide.

10 points = Transfer already over the line and 0 = Zero chance

Start off with 10 and then knock off 1 point for every one of the following

You had already heard of the player

You can spell his name

You had already heard of his club and could name 2 of their other players

There is a transfer fee involved

Quotes from the player’s agent appear in the story/’exclusive’

He already plays for another Premier League club

Other Premier League clubs are also reported to be interested

Has no background that could reduce price (bad injury record, only 1 year of contract to run etc)

The story has been running for more than 2 months

The transfer story has been running for more than 2 years

  • SGM

    Get a proper job Sam.

  • IntravenusMP

    I remember a DJ who had a show on Sunday afternoons with a similar scoring system.

  • Dubaiexpat

    Joking aside – people can save themselves a huge amount of bother by ignoring everything you see and read in the press. When a player is pictured with McClaren holding the shirt then you know he’s an NUFC player. 

    Everything else is just noise.

  • LeazesEnder

    Dubaiexpat …..Or the bloke who does the laundry!

  • Happyharrys2011

    I mean really how long does it take to sign a player? January transfer window last day, players are signed within hours, what’s the big hold up?

  • Demented_Man

    I would definitely knock off a point if the story comes from one of Newcastle’s ‘preferred media partners’.

  • ncncnc

    errmmm, am i wrong in thinking the window opens on the 1st july? so its only free agents who are allowed to be signed so far? so it isnt much of a surprise we havent signed anyone yet.
    all the stuff around now is papers or websites tryng to get you to buy or click – there’s nothing official AT ALL, it’s all made up so far. some of it may prove to be true but even a broken clock is right twice a day

  • Happyharrys2011

    ncncnc eeeerm am I right in thinking that’s all we ever sign.

  • The Mag

    ncncnc Transfer deals with fees can be done and many have been – Depay to Man , Nathan to Chelsea, Cleverley to Everton etc. It is simply a case of 1 July is then when the player’s registration can be transferred to the new club and not before, the same for players on a free such as Jonas, Ryan Taylor etc if they sign up with new clubs this month.
    Last season we had already bought Perez and brought in Colback on a free by this point.

  • The Mag

    SGM Not sure what a proper job is….but Sam is just one of the countless people who regularly/irregularly send in articles because they enjoy doing it (as well as their ‘proper’ job). All articles welcome from any fan who fancies having a go (instead of just contributing cheap insults) to [email protected]

  • Denbr

    You can knock the whole 10 points off if there is even a suggestion that any other PL club is interested

  • PaulSwanson1

    Demented_Man  hehe

  • hettonmag

    The Mag SGM  Well said, and to all the other people who think Ashley is the  best thing to ever happen at this, club please write an article and tell us why.

  • Consett Mag

    You can give him a point if there’s a short Youtube video of him shot from a phone in a small stadium in Mexico.

  • LeazesEnder

    hettonmag The Mag SGM That would be interesting

  • Michael Maximus Moose

    You can sign anybody you want it just that the contract must start on the 1st July or later

  • Michael Maximus Moose

    Believe only half of what you see & nothing that you hear

  • Dubaiexpat

    Happyharrys2011  I’m sure our way of doing business holds things up but also I don’t think it’s a simple process either with multiple parties involved in any transfer and all with a vested interest in the outcome.

  • ncncnc

    Happyharrys2011 ncncnc
    and everyones moaning on here as we dont sign anyone for cash, then everyone moans because we havent signed any on on loan. bunch of moaning arses on here most of the time.

  • ncncnc

    The Mag ncncnc
    foreign players – depending on the league have a different window they can be sold but cant officially be registered until the 1st in this country.
    colback was free – so exactly my point – as is cleverley.
    perez again a foreign player as is nathan and depay.
    ive read the mag for many many years and while its always taken a sideways look (both positive and negative) since its went online its almost exclusively negative with most times very little fact in the ‘articles’

  • ncncnc

    Michael Maximus Moose ncncnc
    no, they cant, not if they are at british clubs with a contract in place

  • SGM

    LeazesEnder hettonmag The Mag SGM  F.F.S. cheap insults are a right of passage on here.

  • v0ices

    SGM LeazesEnder hettonmag The Mag a proper job like hanging out all day on forums trying to say how great ashley is for nufc?

  • PeterS84

    ncncnc Michael Maximus Moose

    you sign anyone right now as the 2014/2015 is officially finished however as moose stated the registration is not transferred over until July 1st when the official transfer window opens.

  • JohnEllis2

    You will have a long wait for fatty supporters to write in as his family probably don’t look at this site..

  • Chemical Dave

    Brilliant response.

  • magpie9

    ncncnc How much would you bet Liverpool havnt signed Ings?

  • ncncnc

    magpie9 ncncnc
    id bet you as much as you like he was a free transfer and out of contract