Straight in at number one (in the ridiculous stakes) is a Newcastle transfer story that would only make sense if you thought that Mike Ashley would behave in exactly the opposite way to how you’d expect.

The Daily Star claim that Steve McClaren is going to bring Ashley Cole to Newcastle United.

The reasoning being that the former England and Chelsea player isn’t happy at AS Roma, despite them finishing second and qualifying for the Champions League (Thanks to Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa scoring against derby rivals Lazio).

It is of course understandable why Ashley Cole would be unhappy, he didn’t play at all for the final three months of the season and only played 11 Serie A matches all season.

Wor Cheryl’s former love interest instead sat on the bench unused for the other 27 league matches, so it wasn’t even injury that ever prevented him playing.

With a year left on his contract, Ashley Cole now faces the reality of not playing next season, as he is behind both Vasilis Torøosidis and Jose Holebas.

So understandable from the player’s point of view why he might fancy a move back to the Premier League but….

Ashley Cole turns 35 in December, Mike Ashley would have to pay him a level of wages where he would become Newcastle’s top earner, it would unsettle our better players who would be on less, obviously no resale value…and the list goes on.

I haven’t got a clue as to which players (if any…) Newcastle will eventually sign but I suppose it is at least of some comfort that we won’t be seeing the Newcastle owner’s Cashley namesake at St James Park next season.

  • Porciestreet

    This is 8o11ox. It’s like pouring petrol on the fire if you think we would get away with signing Cole after what he did to Cheryl.  An extremely good back but surely, he wouldn’t want to be here anyway.

  • tino o

    Our list of targets just gets bigger and bigger more ridiculous every day! Who’s next? Has Messi been approached yet maybe Ronaldo different day same [email protected]

  • Mark Brooker

    Oh stop it your killing me :-) :-)

  • mentalman

    We need a lb

  • Morpeth mag

    I’ll never forgive him for what he did to wor Cheryl!!!!!!!

  • beardsleys cat

    its early days but tbh its looking like the same ols story.

  • TonnekToon

    HaHaHa nice one . I like a laugh on a Sunday morning .

  • Duke Fame

    I’d take him for a years loan.

  • Rabid Dog

    All I can see for Ashley Cole are 3 little letters M.L.S. But I’d take him if for no other reason than we need something to attract others to the cause. It’s not like we have much of that going for us with the current motley bunch.
    Agree it’s ridicules tho

  • toon tony

    We could play him up front. ..I hear he’s got a canny SHOT on him.!!!!

  • Demented_Man





  • Brownale69

    Are you sure its not Andy Cole?

  • tino o

    Or maybe carlton?

  • Larry Adler

    Old king, nat king or george have more chance of signing than Ashley and they have all passed away

  • Jezza_NUFC

    Never going to happen of course but it’s exactly the kind of signing we used to make when Fat Fred was in charge. A once big name player, well over the hill and looking for one last big pay day before retirement.

  • toonterrier

    tino o What happened to old king cole

  • tino o

    Couldn’t get him over the line

  • DownUnderMag

    Jezza_NUFC all we want is something in the middle…pay well to retain your current stars and push on in the league…i’m all for avoiding overpaid has-beens just like i’m all for buying in players as a bargain…but the trick is to keep those players by paying them the wages to keep them here while they are still good, then sell them on when they pass their use-by date…seems pretty straight forward and yet here we find ourselves staring into the abyss of relegation if we don’t get players in before the season starts!