It’s time to stop all of the back biting, the criticism and the comments about a certain someone’s weight and the marital state of his parents.

If we can’t, it’s time to get some prozac or let me hypnotise you.

(To feature like Michael, send in your articles for our website to [email protected])

Now breathe deeply. Are you under…

Calm and relaxed. Now listen.

Newcastle United have been rescued from dodgy management and leadership from McKeag, McFaul, Dalglish, Shepherd & co and from millions of pounds of debt.

We are now 38 million in credit. Our stadium capacity is now 52k and we even have a little telly on one side.

We have a young team with some exciting prospects.

A new manager and a revamped board of directors.

We presently have a grip on all areas of the club including players wages and contracts.

The only difference is instead of Evening Chronicle, Greenalls brewery and Newcastle breweries adverts, you are going to have to tolerate Wonga and Sports Direct….oh but the £90 trainers your kid wants are now only £25 due to the Newcastle United owner.

Who just so happens to be one of the richest men in Britain that refuses to sell the club at any price until we have won something, or achieved European football.

Ok breathe deeply.  1 2 3…you may wake up now.

Everything I have said is completely true.

You are very happy supporters.  All negativity is forgotten. All of the suffering has made us stronger.

Happy days are round the corner.  Woooohoooo!

Let’s have a season like no other.


  • Ashleyout

    You Toss pot… How much is the the fat greedy controller paying you!.. What a load of drivel…. Are you after the next managers job?….  We are not £38 million in credit, fatboy is… How can we compete with top clubs if we only pay half wages?.. I would sooner us be in debt and have a exciting football team than a bunch of no hopers turning out every week!

  • Mark Brooker

    Please extinguish any thing you are smoking Michael its messing with your brain.

  • Porciestreet

    Michael,….Your surname wouldn’t be Ashley would it by any chance, because thats just the sort of 5h!t that he comes out with. I will be stone cold in my box, the day I am EVER satisfied with anything fatty produces for this club, other than a ballance sheet that I really don’t give a t*** about.

  • FreshFool

    Close your eyes. Breath deep. When I count to 3 you’re going to wake up. When you do, write a nonsense article and look like a tw*t. 1,2,3, job done.

  • Dubaiexpat

    I suspect this article is written with tongue firmly in cheek. Only a complete imbecile could write this and believe it.

  • Sickandtiredstill

    ” Newcastle United have been rescued from dodgy management and leadership from McKeag, McFaul, Dalglish, Shepherd & co and from millions of pounds of debt.
    We are now 38 million in credit. Our stadium capacity is now 52k and we even have a little telly on one side.”

    Duhhh! And who made sure the ground is 52k capacity? 
    Who sold off the Gallowgate land which would have enabled us to expand further?
    34 million of cash in the bank was spent, straight after the last accounts were compiled (which they made a point of stating in those). It was achieved by more cuts and signing no one for 18 months.
    We have a new Head Coach (not Manager) who has been turned down by three prospective assistants in barely two weeks.
    We have a ‘War Chest’ of 25 million – at a time when our supposed top target is going to cost 15, and despite the fact with similar revenue to last season we should still show at least another 30+ million surplus.
    We have an owner who has sat on a cumulative 25 million of net profit on player sales achieved during his ownership.

    Everything I have said is completely true.

    1,2,3 wide awake. Welcome back to reality.

  • Peaco

    Unnecessary name calling aside, this article is factually incorrect. Little point summarising all of the negatives associated with the Ashley regime as there simply isn’t the space. However, I applaud that you’ve tried to look for some positives; irrespective, to claim that they are ‘completely true’ is fantasy. We are not £38m in credit, as the ‘interest free loan’ is not being paid down. To address the point about ‘dodgy management’ since the full finances have yet to be made public, the missing £28.5m ‘costs’ unexplained, and the fact that were it not for TV money our revenues would have actually decreased, this remark is frankly staggering. Yes, the stadium is 52k, but it is likely that this is where it will stay, whilst our contemporaries are expanding – with the proposed sell off of the lease for the land behind the Gallowgate, the cost to benefit ratio will simply be prohibitive – shows what this current lot are; far from being the benevolent custodians that you imply, they are basically barrow boys, with a bloody big barrow. a A blog should be about opinion, but you should at least be able to substantiate your opinion.

  • Demented_Man

    One question: are you Keith Bishop?

  • foggy

    Ashley is a fat odious bas*ard and surrounded by arse licking minions

  • Rabid Dog

    I too applaud your efforts to find something positive but put simply we are not 38 million in credit, the club owes Ashley 130 million which if we were realising at least some advertising revenue for, instead of plastering the ground in SD cheap tat advertising would be reducing. But it doesn’t, it remains the same. The club has the 4th highest debt in the premiership. Clearly McLaren has been appointed a board position in order to secure him yet despite that we see ONLY PEOPLE LEAVING THE CLUB. No one wants to come here and personally I don’t blame them. The ship is rudderless, has no crew and is on a voyage to the island of the dammed to try and convince more cheap mercenaries to join up who’ll, scuttle off and hide or jump ship at the first sign of struggle. I don’t believe a single thing I read in the media about anything or anyone as it relates to the Toon. Lies, lies and more damned lies.
    When they back up the words with actions I’ll sit up and evaluate whether my money is better spent going into the coffers at St James’ or not. Until then, not a chance.

  • PaulNewsome

    The club is still around £100 million in debt even including the money in the bank, and still owes £129 million to Ashley. 

    This story is just completely uninformed drivel from a someone who couldn’t bothered to do the slightest bit of research. Either that or it’s just a wind up / ‘clickbait’ or whatever.

  • LeazesEnder


  • TonnekToon

    So let me get this right , It’s all hail Ashley the savior of Newcastle United .   It seems I’ve been completely wrong about the man and his intentions all this time .  I do apologize !

  • Jail for Ashley

    I think the site is unanimous in deciding that article is a load of old tosh !
    Ashley Out!

  • PaulNewsome

    Demented_Man Demented, his name is Mike and he is sensitive about fat jokes. You don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes… ;-)

  • Steve Cross

    Can’t agree at all, we should always support the team but always question its leadership and the decisions the owner and board make. Surely if this is done in a sensible manner it’s the healthy way forward.

  • Andrew Swift

    Ashley is a clever man…with regards to his expansion of his retail empire. His MO has never worked for NUFC and his small mindedness and obsession with cutting costs has cost NUFC millions of pounds in revenue over the years

  • GToon

    Yes, you are spot on there, Ashley has saved us. In fact I remember one game when we had Ginola, Lee, Beardsley, Ferdinand and Shearer in the team and hammered Man Utd 5 0 and I turned to all of those around me and said “how can you just sit there and enjoy this when we have so much debt?” In fact didn’t Chelase offer to hand back the premier league trophy this year as they had spent so much? And Man City are going to get rid of all of their players and try and balance the books. It’s thanks to articles like this that I remember what football is all about. Now I’m going to try and sell my children to pay my mortgage off immediately and I’m going to stop buying food or anything until I’ve done that. I feel so much better already.

  • toon tony

    Forgive, forget and be fantastic. ……there’s another “F” word that comes to mind when talking about Ashley. …and it’s not FAT either

  • Brownale69

    whatever your on can i have some

  • v0ices

    Sickandtiredstill just one little correction there the club did not sell off the land, ownership of the land was transfered to mash holdings years ago. mash holdings sold the land.

  • v0ices

    GToon dont forget you will work for a reduced salary so your boss benefits while trying to do that.

  • Jezza_NUFC

    Yes you are right. Ashley’s penny pinching short term profiteering policies as regards to transfers not only cost us success on the pitch but they are very bad financially too. Just to cite two examples, the club would have been £36 million better off if we had kept James Milner for another couple of years ad been prepared to met the £ 9 million asking price for Wilfried Bony before he went to Swansea.

  • Jezza_NUFC

    GToon  Brilliant comment.

  • GToon

    Or 1 2 3 wake up. Right you don’t like football and never have cos it will ruin your life. You like gardening and visiting stately homes. You go for walks around the Northumberland coast on Saturday afternoons and look forward to August because flowers look nice then. You attend family do’s no matter what the date and you don’t mind what interests your children have and you choose a nice name for them rather than something linked to a footballer you once admired.

  • Andgeo

    Who is this [email protected] dip sh1t??

  • Andgeo

    Ashley might be clever but he knows absolutely nothing about running a football club. Only pure luck saved us last season! Is he going to take a chance this season? With the appointment of McClaren I suspect the fat man will give him barely enough support to achieve mid table mediocrity, whilst he continues to be the benefactor of millions from our football club. Pure scum!

  • Duke Fame

    I think he author makes a good point in that changes have been made which are positive. the transfer window will of course be the main thing, the Austin / Carroll talk gives a real forward line and we should remember De Jong will be available this term. I’d love it if Cabaye returns but his salary may be nuts.

    so yes, a good coach, a football board, why not be positive.

  • Duke Fame

    LeazesEnder  I think McFaul was a bit weak and when his post Gazza buys didn’t work, he was a bit stuck. the season before though, we were a great side.

  • Duke Fame

    v0ices Sickandtiredstill  was it? I must say I don’t get the fuss about this, the land that was sold has no effect on adding capacity to the gallowgate end. if that was part of the stadium, it would have to be very tall and the seats would be laterally 250mtrs from the goal line. the main obstruction to a bigger stadium is the lack of demand vs cost in building.

  • v0ices

    Duke Fame v0ices Sickandtiredstill what exactly is your relationship to ashley and what were nicks did you post under in the past? Sorry to dissagree but the losß of theland causes a huge effect on the ability to extend st jamesark in the future but if you are happy with ashley then you have no vision for the future of the club.

  • Duke Fame

    v0ices Duke Fame Sickandtiredstill  can you explain why? the land sold is a long way from the Gallowgate end, if that land was going to be a stand, it would be a terrible view.

    I’m interested as to how the land was sold. are you saying it was sold to Mash at below value and then sold by Mash? I can’t see why it would be dine that way, what are the transaction dates?

  • grahame49

    I turned up all last season in block u gallowgate and the fans have been fantastic also forgiving and the atmosphere at the west ham game was due to forgetting every home game after Burnley game. Alas how the club I love is being run today and at times in the past I will never forgive or forget. Forgiveness is only trueley given when things change so if Ashley can change I will forgive but never ever forget

  • v0ices

    Duke Fame v0ices Sickandtiredstill the land would be the best way to bridge the road for a support structure for a second tier. its my understanding the land was transfered to mash holdings for free.

  • NufcToon

    32 million in credit are you for real? Our debt level to the fatman must not be debt then. This lad is clearly from the SMB wind up crew.

  • Duke Fame

    v0ices Duke Fame Sickandtiredstill  when was this transfer out through? it would be on public records right?

  • v0ices

    Duke Fame v0ices Sickandtiredstill im sure it will be it happened soon after ashleys takeover feel free to search out the exact details.

  • Ollie Burtons Grandad

    To be honest this is the worst load of “Pro Ashley” Shite I have read for eons, well done you sad sad delusional muppet.

    So all it takes is one little interview and you think we should forget 8 years of lies and under investment; I reckon you have taken too many prozac mate or been hypnotized by Charnleys shiny bald head

    So far Fatmans brave new world has brought in, well…no one at all. Come to think of it we aint even managed to get McClown an assistant yet as everyone knows what a circus NUFC is. Well apart from a few happy clappy cretins that is.
    I bet you renewed your season ticket didnt you? Now trying to convince yourself that it was money well spent and Fatmans drivel will all turn out to be true eh?.Unfortunately bonny lad in the real world your money has been wasted  and Fatman is a liar.

    Ashley out

  • Toonbadger

    Forget and be Fantastic’ is contributor Michael’s message to Newcastle
    fans for this coming season”
    You forgot an “F” Michael
    and we all know which one, it has OFF after it

  • Toonbadger

    Duke Fame Are you Michaels Mum?

  • Toonbadger

    Brownale69 Mogodon and vodka me thinks

  • Toonbadger

    Andgeo And the three he has put on the board know fk all as well so where does that leave us?

  • Toonbadger

    Rabid Dog I`m afraid the days of press ganging and the kings shilling are long gone, It`s a shame because it`s the only way to get anyone signed at NUFC

  • prestondave

    Utter tripe. Deluded fool and part of the problem.

  • desree

    notbonly do I get bible bashers knocking on my door 7.55pm on a Friday, they are now hounding on the mag!

  • NottsToon

    Was this “article” written in crayon and delivered on the back of a Happy Meal box by any chance?