For Sale – Football Club… One Careless Owner.

I pride myself that after 58 years on this hurtling boulder I don’t hate anyone, not even the ex-wife.

I am however prepared to make two possible exceptions in the shape of Mike Ashley and David Cameron. Now this is about the Toon which, everyone knows, is way more important than politics, so I think we should leave DC there.

I am in the Ashley out and Boycott the world etc camp, but in an effort to come up with something different I thought a letter to a prospective buyer might move things, enema like, forward; so!

Dear Sir Richard Branson (Or any other credible very rich person)

Please come and buy our football club.

As I’m sure you are aware, Newcastle United, by any measure, is a large Premier league (just…) football club with in excess of 50,000 tapped, and tens of thousands more untapped supporters.

It has a wonderful 52,000 seat stadium located very near the centre of our wonderful and vibrant city, we are the only football club here, meaning that the club enjoys the full and undivided devotion of supporters for miles around.

The present, and not very careful, owner Mr Mike Ashley has, since the start of his tenure, used this once great, although not very successful, institution to promote his business empire. His prerogative you may think, however he has chosen to do this in the most harmful way possible.

Initially the devoted and much maligned fans saw a saviour, someone who would steady the ship and in time, bring about a modicum of pride in their team.

You see, contrary to what some would have you believe, the fans of Newcastle United do not expect to beat the world, just the ‘Mackems’, that’s those lot from Sunderland.

Unfortunately, Mr Ashley has gone for ‘Total Business’ and he has no idea that there’s a sport involved here. I’m sure being the kind of ‘Go Getter’ you are, you will appreciate that the raison d’etre of a football club is ultimately to get the small round leather thing into the large oblong netty thing, he hasn’t a scooby bless him.

So, he has just about starved the football side to death to promote his business. Someone like me, who doesn’t have two brass razoos to rub together, or the proverbial blind man on the galloping horse, can see that with a bit of thought, careful management and investment, the marriage between sport and business can be a very good one for all.

I’m talking myself into thinking that just maybe the football/business model might not be so poisonous after all; but please don’t go thinking you can rename the stadium, that would be like calling St Peter’s Basilica the God Direct Arena. That is just plain daft but a synergy of team investment and business promotion could be the answer.

Virgin already has an affinity with the Toon after buying up Northern Rock and briefly being shirt sponsors; so please Mr Branson contact Mr Greedy, I reckon you can pick up the club for a mere £250 million, pocket money to you.

For our part. we will come to the games and buy all of your nice merchandise, we won’t even expect to win stuff,  just to try.

Yours sincerely



  • BrianKD

    Couldn’t agree more. The only thing he really cares about is Shite Direct and any negative comments about that has him foaming at the mouth. The more the boycott can cast negative slant on his baby the more chance of success it has.

  • I don’t want another dictator owning the club , check out how Branson made his first £million !

  • Porciestreet

    Nee wonda wu cannit score goals if wu tryin to get the baall in the netty like…!

  • LeazesEnder

    Branson ….He’s a great bloke …. I’m not just saying that…. what a guy… top notch….. 

    …..I like Bill Gates too

  • BillytheFish

    Why hate Cameron…I doubt you even know the bloke, so it is likely you would probably Hate Branson if he bought the club and didn’t run it to your liking….Stupid article…..

    Most Geordies don’t want Billions lavished on our club attracting mercenary players like Chelsea and City, we just want an honest, decent owner, who understands this club is the heart of a proud culture, and puts a team out who give all for the shirt in all competitions.

  • Willvenus1

    Newcastle United is now just a company. All the supporters really want is for it to be turned back into a club again

  • Sickandtiredstill

    BillytheFish Sounds good – until you realise we are now stocked with absolute mercenaries, cheap ones, which Ashley deliberately targets as part of his business model.

  • jimileysbaldyheed

    eh bonny lad itill nivoor woork.I dont hate Cameron just what he stands for.Likewise I  dont hate Ashley just what he stands for. Greed I dont hate modern footballers just what they stand for Money that is. So hoping and praying for  a benovelent caring mega rich new owner is a pipe dream There is only one club in the Prem who seem to have it right step forward Swansea City. Im all for Ashley out and protests but we should define what we are aiming for and to me somewhere down the track probably after Im gone been north of 70years old is Communal ownership by the North Eastern community. Except for the Mackem members of said community who presumably will be herded into camps somewhere What we should do is persuade Branson to give us a whacking great loan all legal like to get the the whole thing started.  or alternatively an extra tenner a year on the cooncil tax voluntary like.Ill have to send mine cos I live doon sooth

  • Mister Tee

    I always found it weird Ashley didnt involve Branson more when Virgin became the shirt sponsor.
    When Ashley first came I remember him doing an interview for a now defunct club magazine and I’m positive he said something along the lines of “I’m no Abramovich, I’m not in his league and I will explore options as to other people investing money into the club to help”.
    This was when Allardyce was in charge and before Keegan, Kinnear, relegation etc but he most definitely said something along those lines so I was confused by his reluctance to involve Richard Branson more at the club.
    Obviously it would have meant somebody of a similar mindset sharing his boardroom (if the boardroom still exists) and Branson would have surely challenged him on some of the poor, poor decisions that have helped us get to this desparate point.
    I just can’t help thinking it would have been a great decision to get Branson on board to lend a helping hand and not just for the money he has. He certainly seems more of a people person than Ashley and it would have been great publicity, he was even on Northumberland Street with Mike Williamson to promote the shirt sponsorship. Can you imagine Ashley doing the same?
    A missed opportunity perhaps but probably all down to one mans greed and a desire to be the main man at the club.
    How ironic he is running the club his way but we are imploding on a daily basis.
    The stubborness that got him his money could be the same stubborness that helps destroy us.

  • Sickandtiredstill

    Mister Tee Look how he runs SD, a PLC. He runs it still like a sole trader without regard to any other shareholders, so much so that the City keep expressing concerns over Corporate Governance. The don’t even have a Finance Director in place after almost 18 months, which has allowed him to do a number of deals and actions without any scrutiny.
    The man has no idea nor interest in sharing or inclusiveness. He’s an ego-maniacal machine and most surely a sociopath.

  • SeanBayley1

    Have a look at how much Branson’s worth when compared to Ashley, the reality of the situation is that we would be weakening our potential resources if Branson bought the club. We needs someone who has the optimism of Branson but a worth closer to that of Ashley.

  • Sickandtiredstill

    1957 Hahaha! For sure, he already qualifies as a space cadet.

  • SeanLynch


    I’m surprised no one has picked up on your comment to be honest, [quote]’weakening our potential resources’.[/quote]

    The potential resources in question aren’t just absent, they’ve been systematically siphoned from our club on an annual basis.
    Lets face it, FCB could be the richest man in the world and would most likely still treat this great club in exactly the way he currently is, however much he is valued at in real world terms is irrelevant.

    As for comments further down the page pertaining to surprise that Branson wasn’t involved more.
    Branson admitted that he was surprised and saddened that he hadn’t even been approached to tender a sponsorship renewal himself , when FCB went ahead with branding quite possibly the most loathed sponsor we’ve had across our famous stripes.
    The Virgin mogul would quite possibly rate the highest, if a poll of potential owners were drawn up, he’d certainly be my preferred choice.

    The days of FFP may well have brought a sudden and overwhelming halt the rich throwing ridiculous money around for fun. 
    But if action is taken quickly enough, NUFC still has global appeal and a huge untapped resource in funding which has been simply used by FCB as an advertising board for his only real desires … SD and money.
    The other bonuses such as loyalty, a single team City, a huge quantity of fanatical followers who eat, drink and sleep NUFC and the lure of waking a sleeping giant, have been well documented and are known by anyone who has ever heard a conversation including the word ‘Geordie’.

    Foz, I commend your post and second it!

  • stepaylor

    SeanBayley1 actually if Branson was to float Virgin and its associated companies on the stock market he would be worth much more than Ashley. Valuation on a business privately owned is 3 years net revenue where on the stock market it is in excess of 10 times.

  • stepaylor

    Ashley wouldnt sell for 250.

    Would be over 400 including the debt. TV revenue has changed everything

  • Toon Magpie

    Have you sent the letter off to Branson?

  • LeazesEnder

    stepaylor What debt? ….. he’ll sell the stadium with the club…. otherwise the next owner will have nowhere to play.

  • fromtheheed

    Firstly, it is not just about winning the Mackems, I don’t care if we lose 2 derbys to them as long as we win every other game with entertaining football.
    And, writing to Branson, then calling his best mate David Cameron, a letter such as this wouldn’t get past his secretary. Nice try though.