The relegation terror ride at last comes to a stop with thankfully no fatality, only for us to move instantly into ‘Newcastle transfer swooping’ territory.

I woke up this morning to headlines of five star signings on their way to St. James’ Park, as United supposedly stoke up the transfer window fires.

On the basis no doubt of naming a bigger number of players equals a bigger story, the Daily Star have named five players that are expected to arrive at Newcastle United.

Their headline shouted:

Newcastle eye Chelsea, Hull and QPR stars in stunning TRIPLE swoop’.

With….’Hull defender James Chester, QPR hotshot Charlie Austin and Chelsea striker Patrick Bamford top their list of summer transfer targets’.

This was added to with a pair from abroad, who according to The Star  are ‘on their way’.

‘Newcastle will not turn their back on the Continental transfer market altogether though.

Anderlecht’s Serbian striker Aleksandar Mitrovic and Marseilles winger Andre Ayew are two players understood to be on their way to the North East’.

It would be reassuring to think that there will be rapid movement in the transfer market, to give everybody some confidence that lessons have really being learnt in terms of lack of quality and numbers in the squad.

However, until the swooping stories are replaced by photos of the signings in black and white shirts, I’ll stay hiding under the kitchen table counting off the days of inaction as the season draws ever nearer.



  • Paul Patterson

    IF this is true, it does confirm one thing- we have a manger for next season and his name is Carver . .

  • Haven’t we been through all of this before for eight long years???
    Why are some fans STILL taken in by this garbage?

  • Andgeo

    Nobody should be renewing season tickets until a proper manager is appointed. If players come in before a manager we are getting lumped with charver. If the fat barra boy doesn’t stick to his word we should buy tickets to the first home game, give him he’ll from the first whistle and walk out at half time.

  • Sickandtiredstill

    What facts do we know?
    1. There is no ‘football board’. The BoD consists of Ashley, Charnley and a departing Irving
    2. Therefore, Ashley must mean the football decision making people. They are Charnley, Carr & Carver if Ashley wishes us to believe he takes no part. The same people then who just about delivered relegation, no signings in January, loans and sales at that time and a team not worthy nor capable. 
    3. Ashley publicly stated that these same people will continue to make the decisions.

    Based on those facts – is anyone really going to believe change (or success) is coming?

  • Hughie

    Here we go– another summer of bull………..a bit like that great sage Charver’s ridiculous suggestion to his players,  hibernate for two months and watch cricket, golf or tennis!!!

  • A lex

    Football Controlling Board (FCB for short) “So, thanks for agreeing to sign for us”.
    Player, “Fine, no problem. By the way, who’s my manager?”
    FCB, “Could be John Carver”.
    Player, ” John Who?”
    FCB, ” Or it might be Steve McLaren”
    Player, “Can I speak again with my agent, please?”
    FCB, “Or it might be Billy Smart”
    Player, “Ah, now we’re talking……where’s that pen?”

  • prestondave

    And so it begins. For all you gullible knackers please make your season ticket cheques payable to FCB, c/o the Cayman Islands.  I thank you.

  • Kevin Halliday

    Oh dear, manager first surely. Then have him compile his list for Graham Carr to work through. Awful feeling that maybe JC getting another crack at it. Lessons not yet learned perhaps.

  • TonnekToon

    Its every close season now under Fatty , rumors will abound , He’s coming ,he’s going etc. all the time the new season will get nearer and nothing Earth shaking happens , the natives will get restless , and inevitably we all end up disappointed because of Fatty and  his invisible “Line” that somehow we just can’t  get over. The regime will just follow its usual smoke and mirrors act , they can’t help themselves . I hope I’m wrong this summer .

  • Gordonthetoony

    5 on the wanted list. There isn’t enough time left before the new season starts to get them over the line

  • Alltomuch

    Austin, worth a go
    Bamford, no need to young as we have Promise in Ayoz
    Chester, no please big top c/h only. Build from defence this time please

  • DownUnderMag

    We need to go for players we actually need for once rather than focusing on those that we CAN get on the cheap.  We desperately need defensive strengthening and you will notice not one of those players fills that role.  The only reason we would possibly sign these players would be because Ashley and Co think some trophy signings (they are strikers so naturally we must be happy with them) will be the medicine required to fix the lack of season ticket take-up.  The problem is, those who would fall for those tricks are the ones who will no doubt be keeping their season tickets anyway…

  • ilullissat

    Buy 5,get 4 free in a closing down sale which then reopens 50 yards down the road