Let’s descend into the realms of Newcastle United fantasy football for a moment.

Let’s believe some of the transfer, and other, speculation surrounding the club and allow ourselves to think about what the summer could hold for Newcastle United if what we read in the media turns out to be true.

(To feature like Notts Toon, send in your articles for our website to [email protected] – all views those of the author etc etc)

Taking it a stage further, let’s see what effect it could have on the strength of feeling amongst the fan base if this summer does not turn out to be an unmitigated disaster.

The first assumption we will make is that Newcastle avoid relegation, whether by the skin of their teeth or by two comfortable victories (as they should be) doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we head into the summer with Premier League football assured for at least another season.

Now let’s move on to the section where things get quite unbelievable, but let’s say that all this happens exactly as stated.

We begin the summer by announcing that John Carver will not carry on his head coach role for the following season, instead David Moyes will be joining on a four year deal.

The transfer window opens with a flurry of activity, within the first week the club announces the release of Jonas, Ryan Taylor and Sammy Ameobi,  we see the first images of Lascelles and Darlow being paraded at Saint James’ Park alongside new Barcelona loan signing Sergio Ramirez and £15m Anderlecht star Alexandar Mitrovic.

Shortly after bolstering the forward line, the attention moves to the defence where the club manages to secure a pair of high quality international centre-backs for a combined £20m fee, swiftly followed by a versatile left full-back in a similar mould to Janmaat.

What comes in the following weeks is the addition of a couple more decent quality loan signings to further add to the defence and midfield, a contract extension for Aarons and the sale of Obertan, Tiote and Williamson for nominal fees, plus the early release (mutually agreed) of Colocinni back to his beloved Argentina.

The last signing of the summer is completed in the final week of the transfer window when England winger Andros Townsend joins from Tottenham for a reported £7.5m fee.

We hear an affirmation from the new manager that he fully expects Sissoko, Janmaat Cisse and Krul to still be at the club after the transfer window closes, which is proved to be true, and a rallying cry that this season the club fully intends to fight on all fronts, including the cups.

Pre-season matches seem to be extremely encouraging with a  fit again De Jong pulling the strings and Mitrovic scoring for fun, even Cabella seems to have discovered an end product raiding from the left, with Townsend hugging the right in a classic 4-4-2 formation.

The season begins with an away trip to Anfield where Newcastle pull out an untroubled 3 – 0 victory, understandable optimism grows ahead of the first home game of the season but the question remains…

How do you now feel about Newcastle United?

Would you still protest?

Would you still advocate boycott?

The club has spent £65m in transfers, added significantly to its wage bill and employed a real manager – Is that enough for you to change your opinion?

Answers below please….


  • Hetton Mag

    Well that’s three minutes of my life wasted. What drivel.

  • A lex

    I’ll have a pint of what you’re having, please.

  • 50trevor

    I have no problems with dreams KK nearly delivered my dream

  • NottsToon

    The point of the article is if the unbelievable happened, and the club (Mike Ashley) actually addressed the issues of his stewardship, would people still want him gone? Are the sins of the past too deep to forgive or would a change of plan placate you?

    For me he has gone too far too often, even if the above fantasy situation occurred I would still want him gone, and I am interested if anyone else feels the same way or could your principles be bought?

  • StephenBowers

    Could you throw in The Euro Lottery 1st Prise as well?

  • GToon

    Dunno. If we won something people might change their minds but he has presided over these years of rubbish when we all think it could have been so different. That’s pretty unforgivable and we won’t get those years back will we. There’s always time to do the right thing and the players we buy often have a poor first season but I don’t really see any reason for optimism. Is not going down our only success under him? Under the previous owners we had hope. Under the shopkeeper we have nothing. That’s the difference.

  • GToon

    The sell.it inside the ground. It’s a mixture of anesthetic and beer. Just a tender a pint!

  • A lex

    GToon To do what they suggest they’re going to do, having ‘learnt their lesson’ will cost millions. Too many millions for it to happen.
    If he’d wanted to achieve what they say they want, then he could have done it after the 5th place for 1/2 the price it will cost now.
    The pattern and trend of 8 years ain’t going to change.

  • GToon

    Aye but I get the feeling that this is different to previous years. We are at a crossroads with the club and he must realize his brand needs improving. We do need investment but a change in ambition and direction.would be a start. He can’t be that stupid can he? Surely even he,with his limited knowledge can see the club needs investment. Let’s see. Not banking on anything but getting a good manager would be a start!!

  • A lex

    GToon We are most definitely at a juncture that he can’t ignore. Yes, it would be nice if he woke with some kind of footballing Eureka moment but, as you say, let’s see.

  • Paul Patterson

    Nice stuff.

    I’ll toast to it tomorrow night. I may even run it by Shakira and Caroline Wozniaki while we’re getting our breath back . .

  • DownUnderMag

    GToon significant investment, squad restructuring and appointment of a ‘real’ manager is paramount this summer, if for nothing more than to secure safety next season.
    However, even if things do seem to be going well in the summer with recruitment etc, there will always be a feeling by the fans of what is going to be sold off to balance the books, or indeed if the new additions will only be there until a perceived safety target is achieved and then sol doff in January to cut the wage bill…
    And here in lies the problem, even with a change of direction, things have gone on too long that there is no trust left.  A change of heart and an upturn in fortune is one thing and will help avert protests for a while, but for the regime to gain back the fans trust it needs to be a sustained development and progression seen…not just for one transfer window.

  • Adam_B

    Good grief. And why not add:
    and the wicked witch died,
    and the beautiful princess married the handsome prince,
    and the bunny rabbits’ warren was saved from the nasty evil developers,
    and that nice Mr Murray won Wimbledon for the next 10 years.

    Oh, and of course, everybody lived happily ever after.

    If you want to write fail stories mate, fine. Alas, we all live in the world inhabited by one Mike Ashley.

  • NottsToon

    Adam_B Massive congratulations on totally missing the point of the article.

  • NottsToon

    For everyone thinking that this is some kind of pro Ashley article, or something I expect to happen. Have any of you read anything else that I have ever written here? Do you need me to explain, again, the point of the article?

    Can your principles be bought is the question posed, not “here is what I think will happen this summer because I’m a 12 year old fantasist with a passion for Champ manager and an erection”.

  • Adam_B

    NottsToon Adam_B  oops, sorry mate! No offence

  • MikeAshleyAteMyHamster

    Obviously this is never going to happen. However, even if it did I think that for a lot of fans the damage that Ashley has done over the last 8 years has crossed a line. The relationship between Ashley and the majority of true fans is toxic and cannot be fixed. If he’d shown a bit of ambition in the beginning he could be a local hero by now but that opportunity has long gone. ASHLEY OUT !