Just when you thought things couldn’t get more incredulous at St. James’ Park, John Carver has just given us his latest performance at the pre-West Brom press conference.

The Newcastle Head Coach declaring that he thinks he is ‘still’ the best coach in the Premier League.

“I still think I’m the best coach in the Premier League.”

A big claim to make considering most Newcastle fans aren’t sure whether he is in the Premier League top 20…

Showing what a showman he is, John Carver then produced a hand written letter from Fabricio Coloccini, supposedly proving that the Captain’s letter to fans wasn’t a club production…mental.

Carver says that having the backing of Mike Ashley and Lee Charnley is all he needs, well I hope they are shielding him (from verbals) around the dugout on Saturday  if we get a ninth defeat in a row.

“I have got the backing of Mike (Ashley) and Lee (Charnley) and that is enough.”

Stating he has a ‘spring in his step’, John Carver does acknowledge though that West Brom are organised and good at set-plays…well that’s us knackered then!

“West Brom are very well organised and a threat at set-plays but we need to win the game and have to find a way to do that.”

“It has been a tough period but I have a spring in my step and am ready to go for the next three games.”


  • prestondave

    Dont know whether to laugh or cry. Im drained.

  • Dominic Cottle

    Can tell… But even Ramsey has done better…

  • SamBrown3

    WTF is his guy smoking, Best Coach in the league, each club have 5 or 6 coaches including the Manager, the bigger teams even more coaches and staff! I still wouldnt put him in the top 1000!

  • jonny89

  • Rowla

    Oh my God

  • essexMag

    Go away buffoon. Go now.

  • PaulDonley

    The ramblings of a madman once again

  • HitmanHernandez

    When is Cisse back?

  • foggy

    Which other “coach” has lost 8 in a row ?

  • pilly 69

    What ever he is smoking please pass it this way fecking unbelievable

  • scotty63

    I think I’ve just peed with laughing

  • Mark Wallace

    He needs sectioning!!

  • RaySte

    I’m starting to think there’s a gas leak at SJP.

  • Dubaiexpat

    Not even Pardew would have the stones to come out with something like this.

    In repsone to him saying he has the backing of Mike and Lee – I would have hoped that one of the journos present pointed out that he would’ve down the job centre fater than a scouser on giro day had the wally with the brolly taken their offer up.

  • keeganRescueUs

    That is utterly gobsmacking he needs psychiatric help now!!!!

  • Toonbadger

    Words fail me

  • StSaud

    Just back from France…Est-ce que Carver has been round chez nous in the nuit and nicked all our vin rouge?
    Even our French neighbours, les grand fans du Toon, sharpening guillotine for le summer clear oot. Have offered to lend it out for les chops au actual Chateau Neuf FC in exchange for some bolleau de footballer which I believe they are going to casserole with some of the aforementioned vin rouge. Mais desole, est-ce qui’ily a vraiment des footballers’ bolleaux any more chez Parc St Jacques? Pas seen any pour 8 games.

  • Demented_Man

    “A spring in his step.” That’s until the effect of the whisky and amphetamines wears off.

  • JohnyH

    Schizophrenia (/ˌskɪtsɵˈfrɛniə/ or /ˌskɪtsɵˈfriːniə/) is a mental disorder often characterized by abnormal social behavior and failure to recognize what is real. Common symptoms include false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking,

  • TheBoneYard

    I have suspected this for a while now………….and I have never seem them pictured together…………John Carver is Tigger !

  • JohnyH

    Wikipedia says;
    Schizophrenia (/ˌskɪtsɵˈfrɛniə/ or /ˌskɪtsɵˈfriːniə/) is a mental disorder often characterized by abnormal social behavior and failure to recognize what is real. Common symptoms include false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking,
    Someone should take him for therapy, or something……..

  • Wallsendstu

    I have requested that Sky put a health warning out before showing the interview again as I fell off my seat and nearly choked on my sandwich when Carver said that. The note he held up was a packing list from Colo so he doesn’t forget anything when he goes at the end of the season.

  • John ne29

    If he’s on about coaching teams on how to lose games then he’s one of the greatest coaches to grace the game.The blokes a total loon

  • TheBoneYard

    Ashley must be pishing himself

  • Angus Robson

    We are the club that just keeps giving,everyone a classic

  • I’m a liitle bit worried for Carvers mental health . I’m being serious !………Message to Ashley via his troll on this site , You have a responsibility for the health and well being of  your employees and I am advising you ,something is not right here !

  • fishandchips

    Well iam the best steefixer in the UK

  • Andy Brannen

    Malcolm Bell just nar mate ….

  • toonfifer

    Just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse, the only person who could come in and manage this circus is Billy Smart!!!

  • James Fisher

    Wot a knob

  • Michael Brown

    Nicky Marshall

  • TonnekToon

    Perhaps the delusional one thinks he’s one of those 6 wheeler coaches with double decking , galley ,toilets and wide screen TV .  Perhaps he needs his teeth removing and seats put in ? It may SHUT him up !

  • jimblag

    Coach driver maybe….

  • Billy Moralee

    Yeah and gouffran is the best player ever to pull on a black and white shirt eh John? Muppet!!!

  • tino o

    Ha ha he’s as mental as jfk or wait could it be? ?? The return of jfk take off the mask John at the next press conference and call them all [email protected]!

  • DTE9

    Unfortunately I think Carver has learned more from Joe Kinnear than Bobby Robson

  • John Blackburn

    Lol and dummet is player of the year lol

  • Andy Brannen

    Unreal James Fisher …..

  • toon tony

    Has he been drinking with Gazza. ????

  • James Fisher

    Can’t believe where R club is in this position Andy

  • Paul Patterson

    Yes John, you are John. Take no notice of the nasty lads and lasses. PMSL.

  • PeterS84

    Carver just because you are good at playing football manager on your PC doesn’t mean you are good in real life. Do us all a favour and walk away as soon as possible.

  • toon tony

    “I have in my hand a letter. ..from Fabricio Collocini. ..

  • toon tony

    He’s not even the best manager in “NEWCASTLE “

  • NotFatFreddy

    Yes John, and I am the most handsome man in Newcastle after your good self.


  • ilullissat

    Please someone,in fact anybody save us.We give in.

  • TonnekToon

    70 years ago there was another delusional [email protected]  holed up in his bunker and it didn’t end well for him either .

  • Morpeth mag

    Tonnektoon. Brilliant!!!

  • Morpeth mag

    He’s not even the best manager in his own bedroom,,,,,that’ll be one of the voices he listens too,,,,

  • Morpeth mag

    Apparently he’s going fishing with him up rothbury,,,,

  • Morpeth mag

    Don’t know if it’s amphetamines, or he’s been on a scouting trip with Carr, to amsterdam?

  • David Penny

    Did he have two pencils up his nostrils at the time shouting wibble wibble !!!

  • PeterRobson

    If anything in the world sums up NUFC under the three stooges it´s this video: It´s not a spam and anyone who has ever read any of my comments would know; I have OUR club deep in my heart !!!

    You have to watch it and laugh at the accuracy of it !!!!


  • SaveNUFC

    When someone losses a match he thinks of winning the nest one. When he losses the next one he tells to himself “common keep on trying”……When he loses the eight match and breaks a record of most consecutive losses his cognitive function gets impaired. John Carvers thinks too much his little primitive brain overloads and it crashes. What he said is the outcome of that crashes.

  • PeterRobson

    toon tony I used that gag under the old moderators mate !!! They didn´t see the irony of it !!!

    Glad to see it getting a proper airing !!!

  • TonnekToon

    @ David Penny , Don’t forget the underpants on the head, wibble wibble

  • jD Sports

    I think he made that comment so that we and all the press would focus on it, thus taking the attention and pressure away from the team and it worked. It’s what all the good managers do to stop the team being in the limelight.

  • SaveNUFC

    John Carver favorite OS is Windows 95. His favorite aftershave is a mouthwash.

  • Laughlaugh

    Can someone tell JC it’s not April 1st!!

  • Lofty9

    He’s right, we do have the best coach. Moordale must be very proud of the name check.

  • Fedup10

    He said “I think I am the best coach if I have the right tools”……….. Someone had better tell him he has had 11 proper f***ing tools since January.
    What a joke.

  • MilitantGeordie

    Aye John you’re simply the best aren’t you. Just think how amazing you will be when Mr Money bags gives you 300million in the summer.. champions league winners here we come!!

  • Pedrothegreat

    He was talking about his subbuteo team obviously.

  • GToon

    Lofty9 Aye, ive seen it. Saw it at the u21 game at Stoke. Its got a bog and tely’s in it and all sorts. They had the cricket on for the journey back. Maybe thats where we are going wrong!!

  • Nicky Marshall


  • GToon

    Best coach? Based on what? Obviously not on results or morale or fitness levels or tactics or motivation or anything really. Thats hilarious. I might go into work and tell everybody i’m the best at my job too. Why not. Whats the worst that can happen!!! Honestly, he must have lost it big time.

  • GToon

    PeterS84 My son is playing that PC game too. He is Newcastle manager and when i asked him how he is doing he said “[email protected], because the board wont give him any transfer funds!!!!” Hahahaha.

  • GToon

    prestondave Yeah, Dave, thats what Carver should have said too – we would have believed him if he said that.

  • David Williams


  • Drumbo

    WTF! We have had so much [email protected] thrown at us since I can remember. I was ashamed when they changed the name of the ground.  But  this is the first time I could ever say I am really really embarrassed to be a Newcastle United supporter. We will going to the matches with paper bags on our heads.

    PS. Good luck to Jimmy Greaves in his recovery. The Saint and Greavsie show was always viewed before heading off to the corner of the Gallowgate on match day when I was a kid. Football was a lot more simple in those days.

  • dav_art

    I’d just like to say that I am the best centre forward in the South Tyneside Sunday morning League, I’m better than Messi, Shearer, and Mark Hately put together. I have to believe that because the last time I played in it was 1994, and I was at right midfleld – not centre forward, I was sh!te, and I only got a game because the piss-heads didn’t turn up.

    Did JFK leave some of his glue behind?

    I’m not one to slate people but John, just stop talking – please.

    And Geordies aren’t deluded?

  • dav_art

    Well, reading the comments below, the gallows humour is alive and well thanks to Crackerjack John.

  • Allan Thomson

    Carver needs to be drug tested because I think he’s up to the eyeballs!

  • NotFatFreddy
  • James Henry Mcgillivray

    He was caught rolling about the floor fighting Bellamy as well U0001f631. Legend

  • Tadger

    Well we know he is delusional maybe he is confused, and thinks he is a coach with Go North East

  • Rob Horsburgh

    has he been sniffing glue? radgie

  • Alsteads

    We’ll done john. Double page spread in most papers this morning. Just grabbed a coffee in macdonalds and 3 lads pixxing themselves over it and I’m in Essex ! You really are a pathetic lap dog.

  • essexMag

    true true true. Also in Essex and embarrassed to answer when get asked about the new movie….. ‘Carry on up the Toon’
    First time in 47 yrs that i feel shame to follow the Mags.

  • Lars Gulbrandsen

    No wonder things are going to hell. He`s using drugs…

  • Toon Magpie

    He is the best manager in the league, the results speak for themselves. carver give yourself a pat on the back and if I see ya iI’ll buy you a pint.

  • Thomas Richardson

    He cudnt manage five aside team