Newcastle fans were left with a real cliffhanger last night, who wrote Fabricio Coloccini’s letter?

Like all good soap opera storylines this one is going to run and run, on Saturday we might even see the truth exposed, though sadly it will almost certainly be Coloccini’s defending once again, rather than who wrote the intriguing letter to the fans.

(To feature like Dean, send in your articles for our website to [email protected] – all views those of the author etc etc)

Giving the Newcastle Captain the benefit of the doubt that he had a little bit more involvement than Katie Price has in them books what she written, let’s have a look at some of the more interesting parts of Coloccini’s ‘Hey kids, we’re all in the together you know’ missive:

‘I don’t usually speak publicly too often, but today I feel the responsibility to talk to all of you ….’

Well actually Colo this isn’t exactly speaking to us. A bit like quotes been sent out in Lee Charnley’s name – we don’t know for sure where they have come from. If you actually did speak and we could see your lips move, then we would know you were at least part of this, but after eight years (most as Captain) you still haven’t given a single English TV interview.

In actual fact, quotes are actually sent out by the club to local media with Coloccini’s name attached, plus the odd piece on the club website, but how much input you have into those as well, we’ll probably never know.

‘This is as painful for us as it is for you…’

Let’s get this right. You get paid £80,000 a week to be part of the second worst defence in the Premier League, on the hand we pay £xxx/£xxxx per season for the privilege of watching it. The club haven’t even confirmed you were fined for the ridiculous sending off at Everton, never mind you and the other players actually showing some real contrition and donating this week’s wages to charity or reimbursing all the fans who went to Leicester.

‘Today we are in a delicate situation, one that we have been through before…’

Ah yes, the 2012/13 season. That will be the one when you tried to force a move in the January when we deep in relegation trouble, only for the club to make you stay and keep to your contract.

‘Players and staff have come together in order to leave all past problems aside and to focus 100 per cent on the three ‘cup finals’ that we have left….’

Three Cup Finals? Well seen as it is three and a half years (v Blackburn – Hatem Ben Arfa wonder goal) since you last played in an FA Cup match, seeing you on the pitch in one of these mysterious FA Cup games would be a novelty, never mind the heady heights of watching three finals in a row!

‘On Saturday, please come to St. James’ Park, create a great atmosphere, support the team more than ever, because at the end of the day what matters the most here is Newcastle United Football Club.’

So all this coming together and what matters most etc – why doesn’t it extend to our Club Captain bothering to go on team bonding trips each January? Coloccini yet again skipping this season’s flight to Dubai, just as was the case in January 2014 when Abu Dhabi was the destination.

 ‘The players are committed to this and if you stay with us, if you join us, we are going to fight together for our black and white family.’

So if as fans we don’t fall for this emotional blackmail baloney, are you not going to ‘fight for the black and white family’?

‘I am also a fan and I understand how badly you are hurting, but I think that the best fans are those who are there for their Club in the worst of situations.’

A lecture on who are the ‘best fans’ from somebody who has tried to walk out on the club when we were last fighting relegation.

A Captain who allows poor saps like Mike Williamson to walk out in front of the cameras to apologise for the latest hammering, whilst his Captain hides in the dressing room.

Where was the fight in the last eight matches (and long before), why was each goal at Leicester met with a shrug of the shoulders and not a single word of encouragement for the struggling players around you?

Why haven’t you demanded investment in some decent players over the last however many years, particularly somebody who is reasonably competent to play alongside you?

It is all too little too late and….I’m still not sure I saw Coloccini move his lips.

  • prestondave

    Couldnt have said it better meself.

  • TonnekToon

    Here Here , strip him of his armband now and ship him out at the end of May . CAPTAIN  Ha !

  • Paul Patterson

    Spot on!

  • Hassan Ahmed Mussa

    We want we want mike ashley out sell club and carver out

  • Morpeth mag

    I wonder if ” our Captain” is going to write an open letter to our owner? Asking if there is going to be a change in his attitude/ method of running our club, an idea would be to run it as a football club, instead of an advertising hoarding,,,,,,,

  • DonDickson

    He should not be allowed to play another game,take the armband give it to colback and play the 2 reserves at centre back ,play Gutierrez left back Taylor right back put abide just in front that will be more solid than recent games

  • cwtoon88

    DonDickson Disgraceful giving the arms to mackem Jack who continually inspires us down the table. A team of 11 Jack Colbacks would have us mid table championship at best
    People dont see beyond hes a geordie who runs a lot to see his poor passing, positioning and lack of fight when it counts

  • magpie9

    Colo did you get a free first class ticket to Argentina for claiming to write this? Bet you cant even read it never mind write it

  • fireflyuk

    I presume that if the boycott continues and we go down then its the fans fault Captain Chaos?

  • dude 1

    one things might be true he did write a letter, but not the one the club issued, this has the hallmarks of the fat controller  and penfold all over it, especially please come to the game on saturday phrase cos we don’t want to see all them empty seat on the TV  I ( the fat controller)  have had enough bad publicity this last fortnight  and to sum it up them damn Jock police come to Shirebrook and MY COMPANY BABY Sports Direct  its all over the TV like the election, but not in a good way

  • Phildene

    Absolutely spot on Dean! And I’m sure collo didn’t write this drivel at all, if he did he’s got a bloody nerve!

  • mirandinha9

    He’s looking more like Boumsong every passing week. His legs went three years ago, but, still we’ve painfully persisted with me, epitomising the lack of concern in needing to invest to replace players who are on the downward spiral. Coloccini’s lightweight demeanour is symbolic of the entire lack of leadership qualities in the whole squad. Who is there to inspire others and direct operations out on the field? No one. A key attribute that Carr has naively ignored in his scouting duties.

  • snodgrass2

    You missed the best and most untruthful bit out.
    “Thank you from my heart”
    What heart……………..the guy has no heart

  • kuromori

    Interesting how closely Colo’s supposed letter mirrors Charver’s latest get-behind-the-team statement. Looks like both were written by the same PR monkey to me. The similarities are uncanny.