John Carver has rather bizarrely claimed that no matter what has been promised before and never happened, he is adamant that Mike Ashley will properly invest in the Newcastle squad this summer.

The Newcastle Head Coach has said once again that he has seen the exciting plans for the summer and we won’t believe what we are going to see etc etc

However, Carver now wants to claim ignorance of what has happened in the past and has stated ‘Whether they’ve said it in previous summers and it hasn’t happened I don’t know’.

So in all of those years standing alongside, sitting alongside, Alan Pardew, the departed manager’s former assistant now claims he has no idea of what happened in the past.

A big big reason why so many Newcastle fans were sick of Alan Pardew, was because of the shameless things he said to cover up for Mike Ashley. Making promise after promise of investment in players and we wouldn’t believe how good things were going to be if we just had a little patience…then he left.

Which brings us to John Carver…

Telling us we won’t believe what’s going to happen next, the players we are going to buy etc etc…

Being John Carver at the minute must be a bit like being the unfunniest comedian in the world or a dodgy MP.

Nobody laughing at your jokes every time you put on a performance and/or nobody believing a word that comes out of your mouth.

Never mind cash for quotes, more like quotes in desperation for a job.

John Carver:

“They (Mike Ashley/Newcastle United) need to invest in the summer and they have said they’re going to invest.”

“Whether they have said it in previous summers and it hasn’t happened I don’t know.”

I’m a fan as well you know:

“What I am saying is they have said it to me and I am adamant that they are going to invest.

“I have seen the plans and they are encouraging, not for me as John Carver the head coach, but for John Carver – the fan inside me.”

This is a big summer you know:

“They know, the club know, they have to invest in the team because you can only keep going for so long, they have to invest in the team and I have had assurances they’re going to.

“This is the biggest summer in the club’s recent history, definitely. We know that and everybody else knows that. We have to get it right but let me tell you… Lee (Charnley), Mike (Ashley), they all know that, we have got to get it right.”

Threatening the top teams…:

“We can threaten the top teams, we are not going to win the Premier League but if we invest right then why can’t we go after the European spots, the Champions League spots?

“Why not? Look at Southampton, they lost so many players last summer and had to replace them but they have done a great job this year.”

  • Michael Anderson

    John carver would say that cos he’s Ashleys yes man

  • geordieladdo

    Looks let’s be frank about this – they’ve had many many plans in place previously. There is no use in having plans if you cannot follow it up with action.
    I could plan for us to buy Messi/Ronaldo/Bale/De Gea/Suarez, i really could. That would look encouraging to me. All the while we know it will not happen.
    Carver, as each interview goes by, is looking more of a yes man and an idiot. He’s in a tricky situation to a degree as he cannot leave as he still has 5 years on his contract. So why would he walk? He’s playing the long game waiting for the sack or waiting for a new ‘head coach’ to arrive so he can slot back into his old role with ease….
    pathetic club operating pathetically!!

  • Demented_Man

    I hope most fans are now past the point where they believe this sort of garbage.

  • Andgeo


  • NottsToon

  • Hughie

    Once again our marvellous little MD is hiding behind his desk. That is who we want to hear it from not the monkey. When will he learn– Charnley is not fit for purpose.

  • Andgeo

    The first job is to get rid of you Carver, and appoint a proper manager. If that happens then we all might start to believe that there is a way forward. However our expectations are that we will be stuck with charver, and the money will be wasted on compromise players like rivière who should never have been signed. Proper manager and proper international standard players needed!!!

  • Andgeo

    Media handling has been a disaster since dagleish

  • Peter Lamb


  • Maximus Moose

    We`ve benn lying to the Fans for years but now Mike`s telling the truth, Ha Ha Ha

  • NottsToon

    Andgeo The first, last and only job is to end this f**king nightmare of the last 8 years under Ashley.

  • David Wood

    Telling the truth this time!…………. You don’t mean to say he’s lied in the past, do you?
    shock and horror! ……….. I didn’t take him for a lier

  • Hez

    Pass me the season ticket purchase form! I’m sure there are names on a list somewhere and I’m sure we’ll be linked with names in the media but I’m also sure we will be outbid by any competitors for the signatures. We either won’t pay the going rate or offer laughable wages and terms compared to the others. We’ve been linked with Ayew for weeks and the latest news is that Swansea will offer more. Seen it all and heard it all before and quite frankly it’s boring, must think we are thick.

  • prestondave

    A liar defending a liar. Say no more. Damn fool.

  • Paul Patterson

    Sorry? Did I just read- Champions L . .?

    No, he didn’t did he?

  • scotty63

    And all this wonderful news in the week before the boycott – well I never

  • ggeordie1

    you mean to say john honest mike has been telling lies in the past disgraceful

  • Baldwin69er

    TOSH! Carver= GO AWAY NOW. Fat man= GO AWAY NOW. THE TEAM= mid championship standard, clear the lot out of OUR once proud club.

  • Sickandtiredstill

    So so trustworthy is Big Mike. Looks like he wants to squeeze every last gasping penny out of RFC while he has the badge rights.

    “The Newcastle United tycoon and major Rangers shareholder’s website this morning put out next season’s Puma kit as a pre-order, forcing Rangers to similarly launch it on the Club’s official Twitter account, but it can only be pre-ordered through Sports Direct’s own site, rather than the Rangers Megastore.
    The latter has been well and truly ‘trumped’ by this sneaky move, with links on the official site pertaining to the new kit, but only linking to the current season’s gear.
    Sports Direct have caught Rangers cold.
    The only place to pre-order, ridiculously, is Ashley’s outlet.
    Interim chairman Paul Murray has been on record as saying Rangers are happy to work with Ashley, but this move is yet another twist which suggests a partnership between the two bodies is astoundingly remote, not including the fact Ashley refuses to meet with the board on any level.”

  • pissed off mag

    god the lies, some idiots believe this shite get your season ticket now then before they sell out

  • A while ago on twitter there was the hashtag #PardewsPlaylist.  If someone started the hashtag #CarversPlaylist then my nomination would be ‘Cry Wolf’ by A-ha.

  • PeterRobson

    Ooh Ooh I´m all excited !!!

    Ashley is going to invest, we´re going to be challenging for Champions league, and with “Geordie (the fan inside me) John” at the helm (playing wise), I now have a reason to get excited.
    In fact I´m so thrilled that I just have to order a full set of shirts (home/away/third) for me and my little lad.
    I can´t wait to share the photos with all the other happy fans on here !!!

    I feel the need to burst into song “Happy days are here again……..”

    Kevin who ?

    Sir Bobby who ?

    Move over…. there´s a new saviour in town, in fact there´s a trio of saviours “Larry, Curly and Moe”.

    My “Spidey Sense” is telling me that maybe someone at the club actually does read or at least take some notice of the fans dissatisfaction about how our club is being run, othewise, why would they feel the need to trot out stories like this, designed to still the restless mob !!!

    I´m skeptical, because if there´s one thing I´ve learned (slowly but surely), take everything that comes out of NUFC has to be taken with a pinch of salt !!!

    Does “Geordie (I worked with Sir Bobby Robson don´t you know) John, actually believe all the crap he spouts or is he so embedded with the regime of untruthful miscreants running our club that he´ll say anything to hang on to his job ?

  • scotty63

    PeterRobson Great Pic

  • KevinBrown11

    Carver have you not heard the phrase once bitten shame on you twice bitten shame on me. Well carver I wouldn’t believe a word he say’s ever, so shame on you for being so gullible.

  • dave1892

    I actually really think they are going to spend money this summer, and a fair bit, but the thing is it’s too late – they should have done it ages ago. The damage is done. What is the model now – grind the club into the ground for three years and then invest as late as you possibly can? That’s no way to run a club. 

    It’s too late Carver. The damage is done. Don’t insult us

  • PeterRobson

    scotty63 PeterRobson Thanks mate !!!! Just wish i was a bit more savvy coz I´ve got a great one to photoshop but not sure how to do it

  • GToon

    If they do invest they will still sell Sissoko, Krul and perhaps a few others. What they wont do is try and get rid of the rubbish and build a team retaining the better players. The investment will be all on players with potential, i.e. cheap. We have already seen how supposed interest in that winger was matched and bettered by a bigger club like Swansea. And god help us if they plan on a centre half partnership with 34 year old Colo or Williamson anywhere near it. This should have been a rolling repair like all other clubs instead of the 15 out, 20 in that needs to happen now. Too little too late. and lastly before i go to the loo, i’ve seen quite a few posts moaning about previous owners and chairmen. Well even back in the 80s when we sold Gazza for 2.2m the money went on Robertson, Bessant and Thorne. It might not have worked but the money was still spent, not saved like it is now.

  • pissed off mag

    dave1892  never ever believe this guys lies dave never ever, its total PR shite mate, we wont have anything other than players that no body has hurd of who will play for nowt in a wonga shirt

  • GToon

    Are the club forgetting the little matter of a decent coach to coach these new players. Cos Carver is NOT the answer!!

  • GToon

    pissed off mag dave1892 managed by? or should i say coached by. Cos until we sort that out we could by Messi and this lot would have him at right back.

  • dave1892

    pissed off mag dave1892 My point is, I think they will, but I’m not relying on it, and I don’t care anyway – it’s too late, and they’ve had too many chances over too many years.

  • PeterRobson
  • DZA187

    GToon aye

  • PeterRobson

    KevinBrown11 Sorry mate but I´ve never heard that phrase either !!

    Once bitten, Twice shy or another classic Fool me once, shame on you: Fool me twice, shame on me sorta ring a bell !!!

    Apologies, I´m in a pedantic mood today !!!

  • PeterRobson

    dave1892 i agree mate they will spend money over the summer:

    6 boxes of tea bags
    4 jars of coffee (discount brand from Aldi)
    3 bags of sugar (2 sweeteners)
    12 packets of ginger nuts (Don´t panic Jack)

    And don´t forget to pay the milkman Lee !!

  • scotty63

    PeterRobson scotty63 Sorry can’t help beyond me.

  • tino o

    Could someone give carver some immodium for his verbal diahorrea!

  • DownUnderMag

    dave1892 will be interesting to see but as you say, too little too late even if they DO finally keep to their pre-season ticket sale B.S.

    Any spending in the summer now is because Ashley knows his overall investment in the club will take a tumble if he doesnt since releation is assured.  It is all about survival and panic buying now rather than building the squad and the potential.
    And even then I wouldnt bet against it being more cheap buys from abroad while we miss out on proven talent that goes to the likes of Swansea, Southampton, West Brom and other powerhouse clubs we can no longer compete with….

  • Steve Mutz Nutz Wilkinson

    I’m telling the truth – he’s a liar!

  • ggeordie1 Spot on, Carver has confirmed  Ashley is a liar . Normally a boss would sack an employee for such a comment . Will he ?

  • jimblag

    PeterRobson KevinBrown11 A bird in the hand gathers no moss.

  • jimblag

    PeterRobson “I’ve worked with Bobby Robson and sung with Elvis”

  • jimblag

    PeterRobson Who say’s students have too much time on their hands?

  • Big Al 1967

    Clearly been sharing Raheem Sterlings balloon and nitrous oxide

  • scotty63

    Hughie But he’s extremely good at counting beans

  • PeterRobson

    Breaking News !!!!! Carver has picked up an award for his services to football in the North East and here it is:

  • jimblag


  • PeterRobson

    jimblag PeterRobson I´m not a student mate , I just thought we could do with getting some proper banter back on this site !!

  • PeterRobson

    jimblag PeterRobson KevinBrown11 Never eat yellow snow !!!

  • jimblag

    PeterRobson jimblag

  • jimblag

    PeterRobson jimblag Sorry you misunderstood, I was just mocking the fact this is what i’m doing on a Thursday afternoon.

  • PeterRobson

    jimblag PeterRobson No need to apologise I found a great village idiot pic and haven´t a clue how to photoshop jc head onto it lol

  • jimblag


  • ilullissat

    Youre a silly silly man.Please go away

  • ilullissat

    Yes some village is definetley missing its idiot

  • ilullissat

    Its called the Emperors clothes syndrome.Keep telling everyone what a fantastic club it is,then the people who know its crap are frightened to do or say anything cos they feel out of place

  • magpie9

    More lies or does Carver just expose how stupid & gullible he is? Every football fan in the world knows the list of lies & false promises we have been fed over the last 8 years but we are expected to believe hat he who was Pardews assistant & a self confessed “Geordie born Newcastle fan” never had an inkling of even a tiny fib coming from his fat boss

  • NotFatFreddy

    Carver should be Ashley’s tea lady (boy) next season or drive the team bus (his best connection to ‘good coach’).

  • ilullissat

    There isnt a possible boycott in the air is there.Whats that I here?Oh there is!A well that explains all these silly statements

  • Nev Harmer

    What a bellend

  • Craig Mckearnan

    F–k off carver he certainly knows how to pull your strings as well !

  • Chris Worth

    Puppet !!!

  • Adam Peart

    Chris Worth, surly you mean muppet!!

  • Chris Worth

    Both suits mate haha

  • Geoff Willis

    Headline should say John carver has been told to say that Mike Ashley is telling the truth this time

  • Westwood McKeag

    Changing the subject a bit, I hope there’s been a caption compo for the photo at the top of this article; I’m sure there must be some priceless lines. Graham Carr, look away now.

  • Alan Richardson

    So all the other times he was telling lies. Thought Pardew was the master of verbal garbage but I guess not now after some of the crap that Carver spouts.

  • Chris Dodds

    This photo makes me want to puke

  • Garry Marshall

    What’s the point if he is gonna pick the players, they have said the COACH won’t be bying n selling

  • MilitantGeordie

    Ashley : Did i tell you about the time i told Pards he could have some dosh to spend?
    Kinnear: Nope
    Ashley : I stuck a pound in his hand and sent him to Greggs for my steak bake  haha
    Kinnear:  haha the soppy tart

  • Toon Magpie

    Carver out!