Imagine our surprise, when John Carver dashed all of our hopes by revealing that there actually isn’t a spaceship full of players arriving from Mars…

With Newcastle having now lost six Premier League games in a row and only three wins in the last twenty games for United, Carver has been looking for inspiration…

The Newcastle Head Coach claiming attacking intent when late on he reverted (supposedly) to a 4-3-3 formation against Spurs, though bizarrely when the club announced the team and formation before jkick-off, they claimed United were playing 4-3-3 from the very beginning.

“We could have sat in at half-time and said ‘Come on, we are going to see the game out’ but we didn’t, I was positive and we tried to get attacking players on the pitch.

“Especially when we went 4-3-3 to try and get that goal.”

Good conversation:

“There is enough experience in the dressing room to deal with the situation.

“We have had a good conversation, even the injured lads were there with all the staff and we need to find a solution – hopefully I can come up with that.”

Spaceship from Mars?:

“There is nobody going to land from Mars with a spaceship load of players.

“So it is the guys in the dressing room, along with the staff, who have to deal with the situation.

I think it is five or six defeats…:

“I think that is five or six in a row (defeats) now, it is not a nice feeling.

“We have enough experience  – that is the one thing that keeps me going, enough experience in that dressing room to try and pull one or two of the younger players through and get us over the line.”


  • Sean Kelly

    but if an owner with a few quid was to invest and not rape the club there could be. BOYCOTT THE CLUB!

  • Peter Nealon

    Is that what happens at other cubs then? And there was me thinking that other clubs took some of the ridiculous money they get from tv rights to buy players??

  • Steve Kennedy

    So “over the line” is now back en vogue? Pardew was a prick but at least when he used the phrase it was about failed transfers, now it’s about staying up!

  • howaymebonnylads

    thought it was encouraging he said he’d find a way to play 2 strikers in future, what a novel idea John, it might just catch on

  • Simon Sharp

    Get the excuses in early.

  • amacdee

    could have sat in at half-time and said ‘Come on, we are going to see
    the game out’ Yep why change the habits of a lifetime ? 
    Pardwho and Carver share those same precious managerial philosophies of “containing and staying in the game for as long as possible” Yet forgetting they need to get the ball in the net at some point !

  • Mark Wallace

    I wish this spaceship would come and take ashley, carver, charnley and the rest of his gimps!!

  • Paul Patterson

    Anybody else saying this would be sectioned . .

  • David Grey

    Why doesn’t he just keep his stupid gob shut

  • pissed off mag

    what a mess what a total and utter mess

  • Andrew Flatman

    Think he’s finally flipped people!!!!!!

  • Andgeo

    Total utter numpty!

  • partworntyres

    Paul Patterson
    I think he was employed as ‘care in the community’

  • GToon

    howaymebonnylads It has when teams play us. i bet half of the opposition players want to play up front when they play us.

  • JamesShaughnessyLawrence

    Not a defense of the guy, the team selection, performance or lack of heart today – but in the interview he actually said 3-4-3 not 4-3-3 :/

  • Tony Scotland

    Just shut the f#@k up JC !


    We sent our space ship to Glasgow and have a player up there banging them in left and right at the moment AND we shipped out not one but 3 international defenders…

  • Jamiekgordon

    Play Williamson upfront with E.T

  • GToon

    Jamiekgordon Nah, get Williamson to have a baby with E.T and then play the baby upfront. And at the back too if its twins.

  • tino o

    Five or six in a row the pr1ck has lost count can someone come from Mars and take him and the rest of the knobs running things at this club away they are totally inept god help us!

  • Lofty9

    It didn’t land? Must have watched the game on satellite then! Better off in deep feckin’ space than SJP.

  • nufcslf

    You can only hope someone from Mars might come and help, it’s better than the clueless Cashley arse licking planet you come from. Still far too many sheep in Sports Direct Arena, but as long as the losses keep on coming the few that stayed away is a start.

  • terriertwo

    He brought two attacking players on to try and win the game. No he didn’t he brought on Ameobertan who wouldn’t make one decent player between them. The bloke lives in cloud cuckoo land which is only down the road from Mars.

  • PhilYare

    does he have bricks for brains? honestly – normally when you have a half decent chairman and manager they work together to construct a TEAM that can COMPETE over a few years, they don’t de-construct selling their best players and replace them with bits and bobs to try and appease the fans

    the reason why we have a team weak as p**s is cos that echoes the hierachy’s ambitions

  • markbt08

    Maybe we need to look to venus and Jupiter for “more value for money”

  • Guy Kebell


  • Andgeo

    Well john, if the flying saucer was heading into toon, it would inevitably be diverted towards stoke, before heading off towards Swansea and West Ham, because despite having over £30m in the bank we can’t compete with the bigger clubs financially??? Couldn’t get them over the line??? Didn’t represent good value?? Didn’t fit in with our model??? Were not premier league quality (i.e. Modric) etc etc etc

  • Andgeo

    And took off one of our better players in Abeid! He seems to like picking on the younger players, like abeid and Armstrong. Total big time charley, hope to god he is shown the door in the summer.

  • Andgeo

    A cross between Williamson and ET?? Might look like obertan or gouffran, there is two experiments that went very very wrong!!!

  • Mark Jackson


  • A lex

    Agree – we’ve been recruiting players from Uranus for far too long.

  • Simon Newell

    we just want a wee bit f’in ambition. simple.

  • DownUnderMag

    It’s laughable how much he is sounding like Pardew.  Excuse after excuse why it isn’t his fault because he is still trying to justify why he should get the job full time.  Peddling salesman pitches for the owner that won’t be seen through.  Building players up then knocking them down when it suits his own excuse agenda. 

    Worst of all is that he seems to forget what he says from one interview to the next.

    No-one thinks its an easy job right now, the owner is to blame on that one.  But if Carver thinks the level of performance he is getting at the moment is acceptable then he is as clueless as his mentor!

  • Toon Magpie

    I wish aliens would come to take Carver away. His most ridiculous excuse to date. Straight out of the Pardew big book of stupid excuses

  • Toon Magpie

    It is six defeats in a row Carver not five do keep up. Leave soon or you’ll get the record.

  • SeanBayley1

    You’ve got to wonder how much notice the players take to carvers words when he embarrassed himself almost everytime he opens his mouth to the media..

  • toon tony


  • foggy

    sounds like carvers had his tongue in ashleys wormhole and was licking his asteroids

  • toon tony

    Do you think he meant “Mars ” the chocolate company. !!!!!!

  • Phil Kennedy

    If someone was ranting that on the street, we’d laugh or move away from him sharpish. But this bloke MANAGES our club, DISASTROUSLY