Dear John

I am sure you are a decent, hard-working man.  You may even be a decent coach.  But you are not a good football manager.

It is now apparent that you are woefully, hopelessly out of your depth at Newcastle United.  I accept the arguments that the executive team and the owner have not provided enough quality players;  however, there is more than enough quality in the squad to get results.  A good manager would get results; you have not, and by that measure, you are not a good manager.

We should start with man-management.  A good manager, after a win (not that you’d know much about those), would come out and give all of the credit to his players.  Equally, after a loss, a good manager would come out and take all the blame himself.  A good manager takes all of the flak but transfers all of the praise to his players.  The players appreciate that; it makes them trust the manager, it makes them like the manager, and it makes them want to play for him.

A good manager certainly does not come out and, in public, name the players he thinks are failing him.  In fact, that’s one of the stupidest things a manager can do and you have done it repeatedly.

Now let’s talk football.  Your stated aim is that you want to send teams out to win every game.  However, we are falling down the table, and are in danger of relegation; we do not need to win.  We have just lost 7 games; 5 draws from those seven games would have seen us reach 40 points.  Do I want to see us grind out draws?  Absolutely not.  But needs must and we need to be in the Premier League.  One point is better than zero every time.

Organisation is supposed to be the strength of a good football coach; so organise the team. Make sure we have two banks of four, with the midfield protecting the defence; squeeze the space and make it hard for the opposition to play through us; pressure them when they are on the ball; and hit them on the break, with the pace of Sissoko, Perez, Cabella or Obertan. Tell the team to stop giving away stupid free-kicks and corners, set-pieces lead to goals. Tell Coloccini that he can’t win every challenge and that when he gets pulled out of position, it creates danger for the team.

It’s not hard John.  Pulis has done it at Stoke, Palace and now West Brom.  Pardew is doing it at Palace.  Organisation wins games, John.

Leicester City have just won 4 in a row.  Four.  Have you taken a look at their squad, John? Do you think it’s better than ours?

The best thing for both of us is if you resign.  Now.  Immediately.  We need someone who understands football and who understands man-management.  We have 4 games left and a good manager will see us OK.  You are not that manager.

Please go John.  Go, or start doing your job.

Yours Sincerely


  • Don’t know what all the fuss is about. We’ve been told that we have “experience” coming back in the shape of Dummett.
    Should solve everything ………

  • kestrelbite

    Can’t take Mick Watson seriously after his first article in which he blamed the ‘ignorant’ fans for hounding out Pardew. But you’d do the same to Carver now presumably? Or perhaps you’ve just come to realise that Pardew, Carver, Ashley – all of them – are the problem. Who knows, I’m pretty ignorant.

  • amacdee

    Without delving into the obvious 6 years remaining on his contract, Carver does as he’s told and Fatman is the one who tells him. While I perfectly understand the points raised in your article I’m now inclined to believe that relegation should be the answer to Fatman’s indifference towards the club. 

    It’ll finally help push the “faithful” out of their comfortable seats and get them to react rather than sit on their hands. What Fatman needs to understand is that NUFC’s fans will not make it as easy for him to trample all over them in the future. We’ve been subservient for far too long.

  • cwtoon88

    Sorry but in what ways has he shown he is a decent hardworking man? because he is from up here?

    A decent bloke doesn’t try and start fights with his customers and F and blind at them and as for hardworking our side hasnt looked like its done anything on the training pitch for a long time despite his protestations

    Also how does Lying make him a decent man?

  • truemagpie

    does anyone has his number? he said that he would talk to anyone who wants to talk to him. don’t woory, i will talk with my clenched fists.

  • GToon

    Why does he think he is hard? Thats just silly. He’s an old bloke who would get brayed by the kids hanging outside my local shop!!! I do feel sorry for him as he was the last choice for the poisoned chalice but he obviously isnt up to the job. Shame for everybody really. Apart from Ashley of course. I can put up with his current role as long as he doesnt suggest extending it come the end of the season,

  • GToon

    1957 Who would we get then? That would be funny!! Wanted – person with no control of football team to stand on pitch side for 4 games.

  • Toonarden

    The letter was good but should have ended after “Please go John”. The following six words  weren’t necessary.

  • A lex

    Exactly. All that effort in the letter, then he goes and gives him a ready made excuse righ at the end. Hopeless!

  • MickWatson

    The editors removed a swear word from that last sentence

  • MickWatson

    Pardew’s record speaks for itself, Palace are flying, despite yesterday’s result.
    Carver on the other hand has no record. He should never have gotten the job.

  • Brown Bottle

    He’s straight out of the Sam Allardici, Pardew play-book. Excessive self-aggrandisement especially when it’s completely unwarranted and shifting the blame onto the players when their tactics fail yet again.  

    Classic muppet management and hated by all who love the game.

  • Ollie Burtons Grandad

    Pardew is a one season wonder. I guess you must have been in a coma since we finished 5th and missed a good few seasons then. Let’s look at his record then.
    West Ham Sacked. Charlton sacked. Southampton sacked; totally astounding mate. You Terry F*ckwitts mate then?

  • Brown Bottle

    1957 ….Where’s the evidence he worked with Sir Bob ?  I’ve never seen any. 
    I see evidence of Mourhino & Vila-Boas having worked with Sir Bob but that’s it.

  • Brown Bottle

    MickWatson …it sure does speak for itself. Apart from the dead-cat bounce he manages at all the clubs he’s worked, he’s a minger.

  • Brown Bottle

    mickg …praise the lord and pass the ammo.

  • Harry Todd

    We all no he is out of his depth just like Shearer was when he was appointed caretaker manager but we are stuck with him till the end of the season so lets get on with it and support the team and chew the fat in the Summer.

  • John ne29

    I understand all the anger and frustration being bellowed from the stands at every home game, I’m sure this is having a maasssive effect on the players causing them to be more cautious when we have the ball which in turn iss the cause of all the stupid mistakes which are happening far to often. This is our club, we have the right to vent our feelings. But what we need to do now is support our team for the full match then do our protesting after the game.i know sometimes it’s hard to want to give them our backing with the dross that’s being played on the park, But we are united we stand and fall together after all these who don’t share our love for our great club have gone .

  • LeazesEnder

    MickWatson What was it?

  • pissed off mag

    dear john pack ya stuff and piss off

  • DZA187

    Ollie Burtons Grandad Southampton was different as he did not get along with the owners son, and once the owner passed away and the son took over. He got rid of Pardew which was not down to results as Pards did well in that season but just did not get along.

  • DZA187

    Ollie Burtons Grandad Also, Pards managed West Ham in one of the greatest FA Cup Finals of our time just losing to Liverpool 4-3.

  • pissed off mag

    DZA187 Ollie Burtons Grandad  still lost tho,blokes a perv a liar and a cheat hes a prick

  • barkerp85

    he offers fans “outside” Mr Charver i would love to go outside with you and knock 7 bells out of you.
    Do us all a favour and f***k off!!

  • Ollie Burtons Grandad

    Southampton was not different mate he was sacked!

  • LeazesEnder

    Brown Bottle mickg Oliver Cromwell from the battle of Naseby….’praise the lord….and keep your powder dry’

  • DZA187

    Ollie Burtons Grandad good point but I wasn’t wrong on the classic final.

  • DZA187

    Ollie Burtons Grandad Yeah but not down to results.

  • Porciestreet

    Brown Bottle 1957 
    Bit name dropping here but Iv’e carried Sir Bobby’s bag for 18 holes so I would say that Ive been closer for longer than you Jon-boy…!

  • Porciestreet

    amacdeeAt last, a call to arms ….Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay