I’m just waiting for Newcastle United to wheel out Betty the tea lady to say John Carver should get the Head Coach job long-term, what with him saying please and thank you when she gives him his brew and a couple of chocolate digestives. Plus of course he’s a Geordie, which you might just have read once or twice.

Apart from the overall plan of Mike Ashley to milk every last drop of money and free advertising out of NUFC, the ‘cunning’ plan(s) that happens beneath that is made up on the back of an envelope.

It is now surely apparent to every normal person that there was no intention of looking for a credible candidate to replace Alan Pardew, the only show in town for Ashley and his minions was how best to ease John Carver into the job.

I’m convinced that of Newcastle had won any of Carver’s first four matches then the club would have used that as the launching pad to announce him as boss until (at least…) the end of this season.

A lucky draw against Burnley went by, then a dismal FA Cup capitulation against Leicester, followed by defeats against Chelsea and Southampton, just when would be the right time?

(To feature like Jane, send in your articles for our website to [email protected])

I think Ashley/Charnley couldn’t risk yet another defeat at relegation battlers Hull as where on earth would that leave them?

‘We’d like to announce John Carver as Newcastle Head Coach until the end of this season, keeping Steve Bruce’s moneybags Hull down to four goals shows he is undoubtedly the right man for the job’.

Instead they had to bite the bullet and say he was getting the job pre-HULL, the club with the help of their press allies getting out the message that despite defeats against top four Chelsea and Southampton, improvement had been shown, players playing for JC etc etc…and let’s not mention the chaotic second-half against Burnley or the disgraceful team selection in the FA Cup and the performance.

Moving on and John Carver’s record is now one win in seven matches, though again with the help of the press who are subservient to the club, they are trying to restart the clock from the Hull match with one win and two draws against three of the lesser teams in the Premier League.

In their role as leading cheerleaders, the Chronicle have produced a back page proclaiming ‘United We Stand’…if only that were so. Yesterday their main story was baseless spin saying that Newcastle intended to strengthen the squad in the summer – where have we heard that before?!!!

Quotes attributed to Lee Charnley used, saying that fans need to get behind the team and John Carver, whilst slagging off the ‘small number of fans’ (according to Charnley) who gave Carver stick after one strike on target in the entire match at Palace.

Plus his unbelievably negative substitutes – taking off the two most attacking players and replacing them with a left-back and defensive midfielder.

The Newcastle United PR machine is crawling along, trying desperately to come up with anything that can portray John Carver as the right person to be kept in the job long-term.

What this has boiled down to, is the club releasing quotes from player after player, from Daryl Janmaat to Tim Krul to whoever, saying that John Carver is great, would be brilliant if he got the job etc etc. What else are they going to say if asked!!!

What I find most annoying is the cynical use of the younger players, the likes of teenagers Adam Armstrong and Kyle Cameron been used to say the ‘temporary’ Head Coach should be here long-term.

A bit like the club waiting for Carver to get that win which never came, the Chronicle appear to be constantly running a poll asking if John Carver should get the job long-term, the current one showing less than one in ten say yes and god knows how many of them are mackems?

Are the club/Chronicle waiting/hoping for a figure backing Carver that is any better than humiliating, to then use now and in the future to try and get across a message that apointing Pardew’s former assistant is on some way a good thing?

No players bought, a manager not replaced and three wins in the last fifteen games…and Lee Charnley demands that the fans show their backing.

The man is either totally clueless and/or simply says ‘how high’ when Mike Ashley tells him to jump.

You really couldn’t make it up.

  • Demented_Man

    I tell you what, why doesn’t Charnley send a letter to the Chronicle saying:  “We, the undersigned, think John Carver is fantastic and should be given the job permanently” and let all the players sign it.
    At least it would save all this embarrassing sycophancy.

  • Stephen Walton

    Its a Knocking bet Pardew-Lite gets the job. A classic yes man promoted way above his ability, and the best thing as far as Ashley is concerned he’s cheap.

  • SimonM68

    I think you may very well be right Jane.  There’s precedent for it (with Hughton stepping up internally) and also, if someone was ‘lined up’ to come in at the end of the season, it would have leaked by now.  I remember Alan Brazil saying on the radio weeks before Hughton was given the bullet that he ‘knew’ Alan Pardew had been offered the job… 
    Crucially, the regime has had a lot longer to make it’s methods apparent to the wider world (ie no ambition / players flogged to any decent bid / no say in transfers) so consequently there will be an ever diminishing pool of interested parties and Carver is sadly about our level. They will ‘sell’ him in on a ‘lifelong geordie-cum-clubman’ ticket…..

  • Roppa

    An excellent article! Every man & his dog could see from the outset who the Club were determined to appoint. There was / is only one runner – John Carver. DeBoer et al are mere fantasies of a fan base desperate for a sign that the Club has a semblance of ambition, well they are about to find out – big time!!
    The Chronicle are a disgrace to the entire region. As I would never buy any Ashley merchandise, I will now never buy another Chronicle – until they show some respect to the NUFC fanbase, by reporting what all the fans can so clearly see – the Club & the its spirit is being systematically destroyed, and as ‘Rome burns’ the Chronicle continues to fan the flames!!

  • Sickandtiredstill

    A balder shorter spectacle wearing version of Llambias. That’s Charnley. Spinning the same garbage here as Llambias did and is still doing up at Ibrox. Every word that makes it into print (even he can’t ban everyone!) just proves how far they are prepared to go to distort the truth. 
    Also I’m appalled that The Chron would print such a blatant propaganda piece once again. No questions asked or answered, just the club line.
    In my opinion it was timed as a result of events in Glasgow and their fear that supporters here will see the effect that fighting back can have. It’s time to stand up and be counted.

  • Sickandtiredstill

    Roppa Imagine the scene
    “”Errr, Mike. No one has applied for the job”
    “What, no one at all?”
    ” No. Even the likes of Bruce and Sherwood passed us over. I don’t think the natives are buying the foreign coach stories”
    ” Right. JC still want it?”
    ” Oh yes. It’s his dream job still”
    ” Ok then. get onto The Chron and tell the snivelling Geordies to get behind one of their own.”
    “But polls show even they don’t want him”
    “They’ll walk soon enough. I’ll reduce seat prices and we can replace them with a better type of customer”
    “Ok Mike. Gee, you are so clever”

  • KevinBrown11

    If carver stays we will be relegated that’s a fact, he’s not a head coach he’s good for getting the players to run around the training ground, ready for a real coach to get the team playing football and not hoof ball, feel sick that they are doing this, they really do think where all thick as sh*te, I’ve supported the club for over fifty years and I’ve never felt so low as I do now, think my love for the club is slowly waining.

  • supermacsnewname

    remember those dates when your mate fixes you up with his realy hot girl’s best friend – all that anticipation, and who turns up? That spotty bird from down the road that you’ve known since school – well, you don’t fancy her but you have a couple of dates just to see – and, well, you hope no one saw you, then you don’t go down the pub just in case, even consider going into hideing —–
    feels just like that, doesn’t it

  • ash1001

    Digressing slightly –  Cheicke Tiote injured or is it a case of HELL we can save more money because he was injured on International Duty, the Ivory Coast will have to pay his wages under there insurance scheme, Maybe a text from MA to LC (as they do not speak) passed to JC (the one who obeys) by WT  “do not try to hard to get him fit, I can make money out of this” and the rest is history we do not see Tiote again.

  • prestondave

    Roppa well put Roppa.

  • Brownale69

    Carver is on a 5 year contract my guess is the others are maybe the same. So in order to “pay them off” it would cost Cashley quite an amount unless he can get a yes manager/coach who would work with the present shower.
    Its all about MONEY!!!

  • supermacsnewname

    Brownale69 cashley knows nowt about football but he’s a brilliant business man – so thats how he works – who else could get millions for Pardew when it would cost millions to sack him?
    If his staff (any staff, not just NUFC) are on contracts he will know how to sort it out.
    And don’t for get bonuses! Often in busines your contract specifies targets – meet them and you get a bonus, fail and you get the chop, it’s all in the private small print

  • Sickandtiredstill

    supermacsnewname Brownale69 So brilliant, the club said they couldn’t go on wasting money with the ‘revolving door’ of managers.
    He then sacked Houghton. Lost KK, Shearer, brought in and released Wise, Kinnear and Pardew.  Now we have JC. 
    Makes a mockery of his business planning. What are you reading ‘The Dummies Guide to Football Club Ownership”? I guess you borrowed Ashley’s copy.

  • Corkyjohn

    Over & over again but still the hordes turn up each week overpaying to watch poor football. One game, one bloody game with an empty stadium would attract so much bad attention but no. The same people who constantly bleat on about how bad we are continue to support ‘the team’….Ashley out

  • Chemical Dave

    There’s a reason he will get the job…his ability to do it is almost irrelevant.

  • Hez

    Stop going to games under Pardew,, just watch online now, if this fool gets the job I doubt I’d even bother to watch online! What would be the point in appointing him? Apart from cheap and does what he is told, TV money will be so high now it won’t even matter if we finish in top 10 anymore, an appointment to keep us up.

  • Bills frollocks

    The other 799 applications for the position must have really poor CVs. It just goes to show the ambition of this club. Stop going for goodness sake. Wake up