In the nerve centre deep in the heart of St. James’ Park, top level conversations are going on that could dictate the long-term future of Newcastle United.

Head of Media Wendy Taylor and Chief Scout Graham Carr have called into the Managing Director’s office for crunch talks on tackling the tough challenges facing the football club.

newcastle unitedThey arrive and find Lee Charnley flat out on a camp bed, which is squeezed in next to his desk in the recently converted broom cupboard (now MD’s office).

Wendy Taylor; ‘You look wrecked Lee’.

Lee Charnley; ‘Tell is about it pet, it’s all go at the minute, had to be up at the crack of dawn on Sunday to iron all the kit for the Dubai trip and then drive them all up to the airport in the minibus. Then on top of everything this transfer window totally takes it out of you, you know what’s it like, night after night I’m telling myself I should get myself up to bed but I end up watching Sky Sports News until midnight, dead exciting seeing who everybody is signing’.

Graham Carr; ‘Any news from up top on the new head coach?’.

Lee Charnley; ‘Aye, the guvnor says to tell everybody that we’re doing a great job and we have to keep doing due diligence for just another 13 days’.

Graham Carr; ‘Any news on the transfer front?’.

Lee Charnley; ‘It’s all positive, we got Ben Arfa out and if Ayoze Perez keeps it up he’ll be getting a new contract…’.

Wendy Taylor’s face lights up; ‘Brilliant, some positive news at last we can get out there… “Ashley shows building for future and keeping top talent at the Toon,” I’ll get straight on to the Chronicle and tell them to make it front page headlines’.

Lee Charnley; ‘Errrr hold on a second, I was meaning if one of those bigger clubs such as Southampton, Swansea or Palace up their bids by another few quid then young Perez will be getting a new contract at his new club. Great move for everybody, well apart from the fans of course’.

Wendy Taylor; ‘Any other rubbish we can patronise them with instead today?’.

Lee Charnley; ‘Yeah, just get some more quotes from Carver and a few players saying how much they love the club, the fans, the stadium, the grass, usual stuff – job’s a good un – get the kettle on love’.

Apologies for the six day delay since our Day 17 insight.

Christmas Gifts -
  • geordieladdo

    Maybe I’m just being miserable but does anyone else find these type of articles really tedious??

  • A lex

    Not as tedious as watching Ashley United.

  • vbhgft

    I find them tedious in the extreme.

  • vbhgft

    A lex Then don’t watch. Easy.

  • Brown Bottle

    Is this a “fly on the wall” documentary” ? Keep ’em coming

  • Nicolaus Copernicus

    I don’t comprehend those below who find this ‘tedious’ and feel the need to tell us so.  It’s good, light-hearted fun.  Rather droll. Enjoy it for what it is.

  • radgiegadgie

    Nicolaus Copernicus it’s not funny at all

  • Jarra MIck

    Spot on Sam, well worth a chuckle. As you can see the heads in the sand brigade won’t have a word said about their well run club, sanctimonious [email protected]@s.

  • Brownale69

    Charnley: No coach no signings.

  • geordieladdo

    Jarra MIck Not the in slightest sanctimonious! Just adding my comments to an article that someone has put up to provoke discussion. In my opinion it’s childish, unfunny and cringeworthy in the extreme, but thats just my opinion for which we are all entitled to.
    I’m not telling you that you are wrong for enjoying it.
    For the record my head is not in the sand and who said i wont have a word said about our club? Very much an incorrect statement!

  • SimonM68

    I head this morning that despite the last interview taking place in 2011, the Iraq War Report won’t now be released til after the election.  I’m sure the bloke was called Chilcot, but it might have been Charnley??

  • A lex

    SimonM68 Hahaha. There’s a little known maxim that you should neither release war reports nor buy players in the month of January.