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The Importance Of Being Pardewed

8 years ago

‘It’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how you place the blame’ – Oscar Wilde

During his stint as our manager Alan Pardew has thought of almost everything under the sun to deflect the blame from him.

The rigours of every footballing competition from the World Cup down have been excuses.

Last minute goals conceded that somehow he could have personally saved.

The players and the Press have taken their share.

The fans themselves have taken the blame; we’re either too critical or too excited.

All have been cited for explanations for failure.

(To feature like Martin, send in your articles for our website to [email protected] – Thanks To Hannah for the cracking image above)

Ashley’s luckless lackey will predictably start off his post-match analysis with the following;

‘I thought we woz a little bit unlucky today because…’ then fill in the blanks.

Surely even he must be running out of excuses now?

Whose fault will it be next; the tea lady, dark celestial forces?

‘… my half time cuppa wasn’t quite warmer enough’

‘… Pluto is in conjunction with Uranus’

One minute we’re having a great transfer window and a challenge for a Champions League position is potentially ours, then before you can blink we’re threatened with mid-table mediocrity again.

You have to wonder what is going on in his head.

Does he really believe this garbage himself, or is this all the fluctuating bile he’s forced to parrot from the puppet master himself?

Or is it his ego and vanity preventing him from the realisation that he really just isn’t up to the job or good enough?

He is by all accounts a vain and arrogant man, whose first overriding instinct seems to be self-survival and preservation.

Now there’s nothing wrong with ego or arrogance, just so long as you have something concrete to back it up with. Brian Clough – old big head himself, or Jose Mourinho, are prime examples, but had/ havebucket loads of medals to back their bluster.

Ok, Pardew has not had it easy having to work under Ashley and all that must imply, but compare how he’s conducted himself to how Chris Hughton did, who presumably had to play by the same set of rules?

Hughton accepted his lot, never whined and did the job to the best of his abilities.

As to Pardew’s touchline antics, can you imagine Hughton swearing at opposing managers, shoving linesmen or trying the occasional head butt?

Once again there is a massive groundswell to remove Pardew, but the probability of this happening anytime soon, appears remote.

If Ashley had plans to dismiss him then surely he would have done so after the David Meyler incident, or before backing him in the transfer market.

Not that there was much net spend, or indeed it’s questionable to how much involvement Pardew actually has in the players brought in.

Then there were the new rumours of Ashley selling up, if he was to do so he would surely leave this liability for the new owner to deal with?

But these rumours have been quickly quashed by Ashley himself, stating he will stick around until at least 2016. Will we also be stuck with Pardew till then too?

Pardew’s cockiness seems to be resurfacing once again with his recent statements and claims his bigger vision than us mere mortals.

If Ashley were to act, it’s likely to be only if relegation is staring him in the face, and then only after splashing out in the New Year sales in an attempt to stave of the threat, using the summer transfer kitty early again no doubt.

‘Genius is born not paid’.

So what has caused this new clamour for Pardew’s head?  The season is after all only 3 games in, no wins but only one defeat to reigning champions Man City.

Much of the misgivings have come from the Club’s failure to reinforce in key areas during the summer. Although this can’t be laid at Pardew’s door, he doesn’t after all hold the purse strings.

What he can be blamed for though is for driving Ben Arfa and Mbiwa out of the Club.

Hatem seems to have split the fans but to many of us he was indeed ‘Hope’, encapsulating the flair and imagination we crave to see on the pitch.

The shipping out of Mbiwa without replacement just smacks of incompetence or wanton negligence. He could have proved an asset if handled correctly, look at Coloccini who was shocking in his first season.

The last nail in Pardew’s coffin for many was his treatment and subsequent banishment of Ben Arfa, providing thefinal tipping point, and a point of no return.

This is indicative of his inability to deal with talent, many have now fallen victim to this. So many that a new word should become an accepted term in the Oxford English dictionary;

‘Pardewed’ – the act of ruining any individual’s natural talent.

Imagine the surreal nightmare of having to watch a rejuvenated Ben Arfa bounce back to form and tear Premiership defences apart, not in the stripes of Newcastle United but of Hull City?

For that alone many a Newcastle United fan will not forgive Pardew.

Tune in next week when our hapless hero Dorian Grayhair discovers an unusual beauty tip and tries hiding a self-portrait under his stash of Playboys in the loft.


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