I was watching ‘Homes under the hammer’ yesterday and it featured a lady who’d gone to her first ever property auction and won with her first and only ever bid.

She was delighted but it made me think – why was she the only bidder and why did the property go for less than the guide price?

Turned out there was subsidence, damp and various other issues she hadn’t noticed on her initial viewing. Sunday night, Remy Cabella walked through the hallowed gates at St. James’ to sign a contract to represent the Geordies’ hopes and dreams for the coming season.

newcastle unitedI’d love to think we managed to secure our most exciting signing since Yohan Cabaye because he is desperate to pull on the black and white stripes and run out in front of a packed and adoring Newcastle faithful, but Jack Colback notwithstanding, football (and indeed human nature) doesn’t work like that.

We all function the same way; offer us enough money and we’d put our face in a bucket of tarantulas, or sign for Sunderland… (where did you say that bucket was again?)

So how did the tight-walleted Mike Ashley manage to secure the signature of a top-drawer player who could (with the right front pairing) fire us back into the top six?

Has he got dry rot or subsidence maybe, or has Newcastle United still got that majesty that created an almost hologramic aura around it during the reigns of Kevin Keegan and Sir Bob?

Let’s hope so, and also hope Cabella’s namesake Loic Remy and/or Demba Ba (or similar) turn up to sign similar contracts in the near future for the same reason.

My one concern about this deal is that Cabella reminds me a lot of Jon Dahl Tomasson (the one that was at AC Milan, not the one that was at Newcastle), mainly because Alan Pardew is still our manager.

So please Alan, I beg of you, don’t buy Temuri Ketsbaia and play Cabella up front on his own.