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Mike Ashley To Let Pardew Know What Is Going On As It Happens

6 years ago
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I have been a whinger about Toon matters for the last four or five years, and a doomster for even longer. I am not this way by nature, I am this way through experience.

I am proud to be a whingeing doomster and regard this as the natural response to the utterly cynical barbarism of Mike Ashley’s tenure at our club.

Since the signing of Perez earlier this summer, when we secured the services of a young player with a good record in a professional, small-scale league, there have been whispers of quiet expectation that this summer Ashley would see the error of his ways and would invest in talent seriously.

Now we have signed both de Jong and Cabella, while we are about to sign Janmaat (reportedly). We are insistently told by the newly compliant local press that we are about to swoop for two strikers. Whispers of quiet expectation have erupted into many-throated belching foghorns of joy and triumph. Ashley has seen the light! He is our great benefactor! Calloo callay for the Fat Oaf!

However, the whingeing doomsters are unabashed. We continue to whinge our doom. At least I do. Because I don’t think Ashley has changed at all. That would not be his style.

Just as Ashley slowly and cunningly changed the format of his request to Sports Direct shareholders to lard himself with millions and millions of more pounds, getting it past them at the fourth time of trying, so Ashley is hoping to get Toon supporters on side by an apparently new approach to his spidery manoeuvres in the transfer market.

Selling Carroll at the end of one window and Cabaye at the end of another, making little or no effort to buy replacements, was a catastrophic failure of public relations. However, the Oaf doesn’t mind about that.

What he minds is that it damaged the team and destroyed Pardew’s attempts to motivate his players, as many predicted at the time.

Indeed, moves like those almost took us down. The Oaf is definitely bothered about going down.

So his new approach is to buy good players for less than the amount that he knows he will get for established Newcastle players that he will, in due course, sell. In my opinion he will let Pardew know what is going on as it happens.

Thus Siem de Jong was, initially, just the ‘striker’ that Pardew always wanted. But now Pardew has changed his mind. De Jong can play in any one of four positions in and around the front line, and is not a striker really. The reality is that de Jong is the replacement for Ben Arfa, who will go soon, it is now being revealed, and, I predict, will not be missed. This is all good.

Nevertheless, it is one in and one out.

Janmaat, of course, is Debuchy’s replacement, and probably a good one. And Cabella, contrary to what we have been told by the Chronicle for the last year or so, is not a crafty, cultivated, creative wizard. He is the successor to Ginola and Robert. More to the point, he is the successor to Gutierrez, the non-crossing blowhard, and Marveaux, the not-too-tricksy dilettante. This too is good news.

If we sign two strikers that will still be the minimum required.

More to the point it would be two in and two out. Cisse’s evaporation means one of those will be Big Andy’s replacement, because Cisse can no longer be regarded as a functioning striker.

And the other will be Shola’s replacement.

There is apparently no intention of buying a centre half, which in my view is a big mistake. This is maybe because no centre half is to be sold.

There we have it. The old Ashley, and the new Ashley, side by side.

To me, they look very similar.

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