Mike Ashley this lunchtime is speaking to us in the Chronicle, courtesy of Alan Pardew.

Pardew is passing on a conversation he has had with our glorious owner, now that he is rehabilitated in the wake of the JFK fiasco, and once again granted access to the ruthless tyrant who makes all the decisions at our ludicrous club.

mike ashley speaksMike Ashley, says Pardew, wants a more attacking team next year.

Mike Ashley, says Pardew, understands we need more attacking options.

Now the last time Pardew had a chat with Ashley we were told our owner was assured that our team was fine, and Pardew was happy with the playing strength.

Since then we have acquired Loic Remy, who is the only player in our team with the capacity to score a goal.

And only last week Pardew said, admittedly bafflingly, that we were right up there with the top teams when it came to scoring goals this year.

But now we learn that all along Pardew considers that we need more scoring options, and Ashley agrees.

The bigger picture is that we have not sold as many tickets for the Southampton game as we might once have done, and anecdotally many season ticket holders are cancelling, although we don’t know how many, and, at the moment at least, home games are pretty much sold out.

Ashley wanting to spend some cash on forwards, who come very expensive, is the first shot in the summer propaganda campaign.

He can’t quite bring himself to say we are trying to win a cup, and he obviously can’t promise to try and win the league, because we are no longer one of the top clubs, and not a big club at all.

But he is trying to persuade us that we might just have a team capable of playing attractive football next year.

Of course this is not what Toon fans want. We’d love to have the Entertainers back, of course. The Entertainers almost won the league, and thrashed Manchester United 5-0.

The point is the Entertainers almost won the league.

An attractive team that is not competitive is like an Aston Martin that is used to grow flowers.

Ashley doesn’t understand, and Pardew’s pants are well and truly on fire. That’s the new story out of St James’ Park.