Newcastle United – Filling The Void
With a weekend filled with no Newcastle or Premier League matches due to International fixtures, the void must be filled with something to deliberate on. The papers switch tactics to the usual London biased bollocks surrounding England and poor old Royston Hodgson – the National team’s very own rock and roll manager and indeed closet Rolling Stone.
Due to the lack of focus on Roy (no Sven and his Swedish swinging antics to delve into anymore!) and relative non-interest in the games these days, the focus turns to the impending silly season…
Ho-ho-ho! Bloody Ha-ha-ha more like.
For those who have the 7 second memory span of a goldfish, suffered recent head injuries, or were born within the last 6 months – may I remind all you good folk not to believe a sliver of what you read!
The torturous and daily never ending guff served up surrounding the summer transfer window just did everyone’s heads in.
This winter and through the next few weeks, the finest tripe is currently being harvested as we speak. Scraped from the bottoms of barrels nationwide, jotted down from the backs of cig packets in boozers and traced from the graffiti on the back of public latrines – they will be hitting your newspaper soon! Hot off the press! Steaming hot turd more like, a Yuletide log of double bollocks.
But, being the addicts to NUFC we all are, we will read every eggy-stenched word and know in our heads that it’s all probably rubbish – but what if? I think we can pretty much discount the ‘what i’s’ these days.
What I would say is that, bank on anybody being sold at any point – particularly deadline day bids of which the club just couldn’t turn down. Poor old Newcastle just cannot compete anymore with the big boys like Spurs, Southampton, Everton. That’s right aye?
What you can also rule out is any big money transfers. By any, I do mean none. And by big money, I mean everything over one English pence. With the success of Warwick Remy arriving for Buckshee (I know there is a loan fee involved), then this is now going to be the route of choice for Fat man Scoop and the JFK clan.
Why pay when you can get players for nowt? In fact, if he plays his cards right, the parent club might even pay a portion of the wages. Genius. Now if he can only get the machine patented which filters the urine from the gigantic holding tank under the stadium from the millions of matchday pi**es and brews it into ale, to be sold as match-day fayre – he’s laughing. Some might say the prototype to that machine is already up and running!
So when you read exclusive stories of Newcastle interested in 30 year old Yugolsav players arriving for 10m Euros, bids of 5m here for Internationals, if the Gomis story rears his head again (free in the summer) then put the paper down, finish your ablutions and wipe your backside on it and flush hard. Check the pan to make sure it’s gone, then repeat if necessary. The selling club are far more likely to receive a fax of JFK’s wrinkly rump than receive a written bid.
The headlines are being filled with reports of loans for Zaha from Man Utd. The transfer only makes sense for one team – Man Utd. We will become one of the clubs like West Brom (with Lukaku last season) and Bolton (with Wilshere a couple of years back) happy to be a nursery club for the big hitters. That is if we have not already assumed this mantle. The best of a bunch of desperados clamouring at the Champions League clubs’ table for a few crumbs.
Having said that, if it doesn’t make sense for NUFC to go the loan route, then bet your bottom dollar we will be conkers deep into it.
Worst thing is, if clubs are willing to continue the Premier to Premier loan system – the rich teams will continue to collect players and build squads like I did with Panini stickers in Primary school – and that really is the main problem.
Personally I don’t believe you should allow loans to teams in the same league. The bairns can go out on loan to Championship and below for experience – fine, the rest – if they are good enough to get in the team – they will get in, if not – the bench, if not the bench – the squad. If the player is not happy, then they put in a transfer request and leave. That’s the way it used to work.
Last winter the panic button was pressed as we were looking like relegation candidates, which released the codes for the Ashley Vault aboard his nuclear submarine. Now that we are fair to middling and on the back of a couple of hard fought victories the chances of that sanction happening again are slim.
If by some Miracle of Miracles that Ashley is visited by three Ghosts – who persuade him to change the errors of his miserly ways – then I will be the first to applaud any signings. But for the sake of my own and indeed my family’s Christmas – I won’t hold my breath!
To be fair to the playing staff the lads are doing well, but if anything, that is the perfect time to make additions. Let us see how it pans out but the signs are there for all to see.
You can follow Jamie on Twitter @JamieSwan1
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