10 Questions For Alan Pardew
“This win is for Mike Ashley and all our fans. Trust me, he is a fan and I’m pleased for the club. We are all Newcastle fans.” …Alan Pardew
Over the last few months Alan Pardew seems to annoy me more and more every time he opens his mouth. His latest comment to get me completely riled up (made after the Chelsea game) will no doubt have annoyed many other fans as well.
1) Would a real fan not spend a penny of the new megabucks TV deal on improving the squad?
2) Would a real fan sacrifice millions of pounds worth of potential advertising revenue by using marketing space at St James Park to promote his own company for free?
3) Would a real fan change the name of St James Park to the S***** Direct Arena?
4) Would a real fan re-employ Joe Kinnear after some of the comments Kinnear has made about Newcastle fans?
5) Would a real fan cut off the link to the fans by banning the local press from asking questions in press conferences?
6) Would a real fan gag the players from speaking to the local press?*
7) Would a real fan ban NUST from the club’s Fans Forum simply for reporting factually on what was said in the meeting?
8) Would a real fan repeatedly take the minimum allocation of tickets for away games?
9) Would a real fan make it so obvious by his actions that avoiding relegation is the extent of his ambitions for the club?
* “The Chronicle, The Journal and Sunday Sun will not be permitted access to … player interviews.” …Wendy Taylor, Mike Ashley’s mouthpiece.
I’m sure others could probably add another twenty questions to that list but that’s enough to be starting with. So this is my message to Alan Pardew…
“Read the questions, Alan, and if you think the answer to any of the above questions is yes, then you’re a bigger ‘yes man’ than you come across in all the TV interviews you do.
Finally, Alan, you may have noticed there were only nine questions on my original list, so to round things off here’s one final question regarding an interesting comment made by Derek Llambias not long after you were appointed as manager of Newcastle United.
10) Derek Llambias remarked that one of the reasons he appointed you was because he, “wanted somebody who was going to sit down with me and give it back to me, somebody who wasn’t frightened.” You got the job, Alan, because you were regarded as someone who wasn’t frightened to tell the truth. Someone who would give it to Derek Llambias and Mike Ashley straight. Someone who wasn’t going to be a ‘yes man’.
Given the location of your tongue ever since you got the job as Newcastle manager*, do you therefore think that makes you the most misjudged appointment in the entire history of football?”
* For reasons of decency I am unable to mention the exact location of Alan Pardew’s tongue but I’m pretty sure everyone knows exactly where it’s located.
Footnote: I realise Alan Pardew is very unlikely to ever read this message, but I wrote it as if speaking directly to him anyway for therapeutic reasons.
You can follow Emmett on Twitter @NUFCTips
If you would like to feature on The Mag, submit your article to [email protected]