‘There is a light that never goes out’ said a wise young man by the name of Morrissey; and he was right.

Whilst every other football club in the universe was spending a few quid on transfers, the press room at St. James’ Park remained silent but for the occasional tumbleweed rolling past, accompanied by the sound of twitter filling up Newcastle fans’ timelines with hopeful speculation about who would be presented to the media on 3rd September.

The Real 'Iconic' Gates

The Real ‘Iconic’ Gates

As the transfer window slowly closed without so much as a bluebottle managing to creep through, Newcastle fans awoke on Tuesday morning with such a divergent set of emotions, most of us don’t know whether to laugh, cry, scream or just sit down and shake our heads in despair.

One signing – one solitary signing of a man who might not even be allowed out in public come November.  With a forward line that also ‘boasts’ a target man who can’t hit the target and a once prolific striker who on current form, looks like he’s never seen a football before, you’d have expected at least one more body through the door.

The owner of Newcastle United, who, because of the recent ‘Harry Potter’ season on ITV, I’m now calling ‘He who must not be named’, seems to have laid his cards firmly on the table with this latest and biggest metaphorical slap in the face.  It is now clear exactly what he thinks of us supporters and of his second-least favourite investment behind the Stairmaster he bought in January.

He kept Alan Pardew in situ despite the on-field shambles since the home defeat to Reading presumably because of the 60 year contract he gave him not long ago (can’t remember the actual length but it’s stupidly long).  He then brought in the most inept human being on the planet to oversee our transfer activity.

Despite Kinnear’s verbal equivalent of the stuff you have to use Swarfega to get rid of, he also managed to rub the blackboard clean of all the transfer targets Graham Carr had identified (Douglas, Sakho, Bony et al.) and wrote up his own – how very dare we have a transfer strategy without consulting King Kinnear.

We can only assume that when he wrote up his own list of transfer targets, he got the names so horribly wrong that Graham Carr came back just before the window closed to say ‘There’s no such player as Bathtime Gumbo who plays for Lyon’.

Back on the Harry Potter theme, I can only assume the ‘iconic’ gates that have been re-installed at St. James’ are there to protect a secret train platform beyond the wall.  If this ridiculous act wasn’t done to irritate the fans, then please tell me any other reason I might not have thought of.

The summer transfer silence screams that he-who-must-not-be-named is on the verge of bailing out whilst trying to anger as many Geordies as possible.  Not quite enough money offered for the likes of Tiote, Cabaye and Ben Arfa – the massive downturn in recent form of the young players brought in with the sole purpose of making a profit by selling them on a few years later – all leading to the failure of his business model.  For that is what Newcastle United is right now, a business which exists purely to make as much money for the owner as possible (counting the extra cash from the TV deal this summer) regardless of whether millions of people’s weekends are ruined by performances and results on the pitch.

He’s now beyond caring whether Newcastle win or lose.  The difference in prize money between finishing 5th and 17th isn’t as much as signing a striker for £8m and then paying his wages, so why bother?  As long as we stay up, why should he care?  It seems he just wants to get the money he loaned to the club back, sell it and then waddle off up to Scotland to ruin Rangers’ fans lives.

He seems completely apathetic to the fact that the people who pay Joe Kinnear’s wages are people who don’t have a yacht in the south of France.  A wage that has not only paid for absolutely nothing in the last few months but also been spent on a man who has single-handedly alienated every single Newcastle fan in one ten minute interview.  Was this also part of the plan to demoralise as many Newcastle fans as possible?  These fans are decent people who can barely afford the season ticket which provides them with a distraction from the drudgery of the working week.  Fans who will always support whoever wears the black and white shirt regardless of who is in charge.

If you’re reading this Mr. Ashley, remember, there is a light that never goes out – the passion we have for our football club which will burn brightly throughout the current shambles and long after you’ve closed your office door for the last time and wobbled off into the sunset.

  • TheFatController

    Ashley must be realising now that its ok to have talented players who may accumulate value, but like budding plants and flowers they need the right conditions to grow and reach their potential.

    Being coached by Pardew, at a club going nowhere has knocked their performances, as will being nearer the relegation zone and the nerves and negativity that brings.
    I presume that’s why the only bid for our players (outside of Perch) was £10m for Cabaye, when most club’s top Premiership midfielder (eg Wigan and McCarthy, Everton and Fellaini, Spurs and Bale) are valued much higher.

    The only player more than one club seem to be interested in is Remy, as we and QPR both want him!

    A year ago Alan Pardew ‘braced himself’ for bids for our many top players, it seems the bottom has fallen out of that market……

  • Lofty

    Ashley’s lights will definitely go out if I get me hands on him!

  • Tacrolimus

    There is a pub in Tottenham, that he apparently frequents as a regular – in fact that is where he meets Kinnear or so one of the papers ill-advisedly revealed!

    Pardew needs to get the clear message from us consistently that we are all finished with him after yesterday’s stupidity. There is no way back – especially not for lying two-faced cowards irrespective of his lack of managerial ability..

    As for Kinnear – will we ever see him in public again – even if we do surely the journos will be laughing at him anyway?

    As for songs how about ‘Liar’ by Queen before and after every game?

  • chris

    The Pathetic Fat Shop Keeper was probably picked on so much @ school and had no mates cause he was just that Fat kid who couldn’t join in any sports. Stood in the corner of the playground stuffing his Fat face with sweets! Now he’s the one calling the shots he’s doesn’t give a F**k about anyone and he pays the people around him to tell him every day how great he is!
    Not the Fat Billy No Mates Kid anymore Mike! Maybe not in ur world anyway!
    I to hope u read these posts & articles because I mean every word of what I say!

  • glasshalfempty

    IS N.U.F.C.

    About time this made a comeback appearance at St James Park!! I’ve finally lost patience that he might have cared a tiny bit. He’s made it quite clear now he doesn’t!!!

  • 8prestondave

    Well said. Couldn’t have put it better myself as Im too bloody angry with the whole debacle that it Newcastle United.

  • DevYoung

    Peter Nuttall is the best writer this online-fanzine has. His piercing missives cut to the heart of the current malaise surrounding NUFC and he echoes the terrace sentiment expertly.