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Should Joe Kinnear ‘Just Get Bent’

8 years ago
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What kind of state must my life be in when I consider the Toon to be a stabilising influence?

Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad!

So here goes – it just has to be done!

Here is the low doon on the Toon, as it really happened, mebbees!

All of us are in the gutter but some of us are looking for the stars…

Joe Kinnear was recently not announced as the new Director Of Football at Newcastle United.

Well not at first anyway. Well at least not before the dumb-ass announced it to the entire nation himself on Talksplat.

Joe expressed his disappointment, naivety, and inability to keep his gob shut saying that Talksplat had misled him. He thought he was on there to talk to Peter Jackson about a movie chronicling his ascendency to demigod status with the Geordie Nation.

Alan Shearer, while completely distancing himself from any responsibility for the club at all suggested that Kinnear was possibly not the best man for the job, whatever that job may be. And he managed to do it without using the phrase “complete knob”.


Definitely not as a result of those comments Shearers Bar had something done to it.

In a brutal shake up of the Toon hierarchy, Derek Llambias  resigned as Managing Director of the club. In a statement not released to the press he didn’t say anything but we like to assume that the employment of Kinnear was so outrageous that Dekka resigned so as not to have his reputation tarnished by association.

OK, so that’s a bit like saying Pete Doherty won’t go to Boots in case people think he’s buying cough syrup, but we’ll let that one go.

The entire Geordie nation was like mega-upset because Ashley had gone back to this ridiculous concept of the Director of Football, conveniently forgetting that it has actually been one of Liambias’s responsibilities since the day Dennis “Not-So” Wise walked, but as that does not fit entirely with our argument we will conveniently forget about that too. For about 30 seconds.

In his interview with Talksplat, and you don’t have to a CSI agent to spot the editing, Joe may have released into the wild a few factual errors, but that does not make him a liar. It is possible that he intentionally exaggerated when he said that he’d played for Spurs 4 million times and won the World Cup Single Handedly – twice, but there again we may just not be fully aware of all of the facts.

Now here comes the interesting bit.

There’s an old joke about the bloke in a bar asking the girl if she’d sleep with him for a million quid. She replies “Wow, of course I would.”

He then asks if she’d sleep with him for a fiver.

“For a fiver?” comes the return. “What do you think I am?”

“We’ve established what you are – we’re just discussing the price!”

So every rag on the planet insists that Mike Ashley has put the club up for sale. Well, not exactly. In fact he has flatly denied putting it up for sale, but we all know how much he paid for it, and we also know that he’s lobbed a few quid into the kitty to a total tune of around about 267 million.

Now, despite him flatly denying it. the papers still insist that if someone comes along with a big enough wad, Mike will take it, and instead of the headlines screaming that Ashley insists he has not put the club up for sale, they all now say Ashley Puts the Toon Up For Sale For 267 Mill.

Which is probably also incorrect.

I would love to be just a few million behind Ashley but the sad fact is that the gap is much wider than that, but having said that, even my measly savings account has managed to get me 20 % p.a. return on my savings over the last 3 years, so I would expect Ashley to want a bit more than that back on his 267 mill.

Even with any profit that he’s taken over the years, or even any tax write off he might have received for operating a Charity, without a Sports Direct type special one day only discount deal, anything short of 450 million would have poor old Mike  in therapy for the next couple of decades.

So no – the club is not for sale, the same way Carroll wasn’t for sale, and if we are honest, for 25 mill, Cabaye is also not for sale. But you never know who’s waiting out there with a Tesco bag full of twenties looking for a bargain.

And Finally (yes- I know!) are we being a bit premature with JFK? Should we give him a chance?

Personally as a manager I don’t think he was anywhere near good enough.

As a Director Of Football? Well that’s a different issue.

Do we really know how it worked before?

Did Pardew go to Llambias and ask for the players that Carr had identified ? Or maybe Carr reported directly to Dekka who then told Pards what he was getting?

Either way we had a bloke in charge of recruitment who, by his own admission, didn’t know one corner of a football from the next.

I would guess that Kinnear would do a better job of identifying a defender than Llambias ever would, and hopefully we won’t have a repeat of the Xisco, Nacho, Groucho and Harpo fiasco that Wise left us with. I’ll never understand how that guy gets to sit in a studio claiming to be an expert!

Oh, and one more finally. It’s not that long ago that we were thankful for the services of such “has-beens” as Peter Lovenkrantz and Marlon Harewood. We are now rumoured to be considering someone as equally has-beenish but who is a lot more prolific.

I hope you will all support me in my campaign to suggest to Kinnear that he should ”Just Get Bent”

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