Joe Kinnear – Pure Genius, Rambling Idiot Or…
Joe Kinnear…pure genius, brilliant salesman, or just a rambling idiot with early onset of dementia?
We all saw what he was capable of both verbally and managerially the last time he was involved with the club and while most of us were mildly amused at the infamous press rant, we were less impressed by the progress on the field. Although some would argue had he not suffered the heart attack we might never have been relegated that year…but that’s a whole other issue to be debated another time.
(To feature like Dean on the website/magazine, send in your letters/articles to [email protected])
Then out of the blue the prodigal son (or should I say Grandad!) returned…fully recovered from the heart attack and triple bypass…fitter than he’s been for years…and unfortunately as wound up as a tightly coiled spring ready and raring to announce to the world our saviour was back in the chair.
He’d somehow negotiated his glorious return over a couple of pints in the local pub and I sometimes wonder if Joe Kinnear had actually missed a trick in life, had he decided to be a double glazing salesman I’m sure he’d be richer than Mike Ashley himself. This man could sell sand to the Arabs and had somehow convinced a brilliant billionaire businessman that he was the man to turn things round at NUFC.
Having pulled off the sales pitch of the century that barmy sunny sunday afternoon (allegedly without the use of those incriminating photographs) and still glowing from several celebratory pints, he rings up Sky Sports and breaks the news to the footballing world.
Those of us that heard it live all instantly checked the calendar and unfortunately confirmed it wasn’t April fools day. Still astounded and flabbergasted we’re all sat there wondering what on earth was going on, then betting was suspended on the rumour this was a Mike Ashley rouse to deflect attention away from reality and all of a sudden we’d see Rafa Benitez being presented to the Geordie faithful as our new manager.
Alas it was not to be and that that initial Sky Sports interview was followed by the fateful Talksport one the web for all to hear, then it was official. JFK was indeed our new DOF and in charge of all footballing matters, with Pardew and Carr both to report to King Kinnear, you simply couldn’t script it could you?!
I for one was actually rubbing my hands in glee because I honestly thought like many others the Kinnear appointment was all about getting shot of Pardew…but three weeks later and no luck there either.
Several JFK interviews later it has become increasingly apparent that although all his fight and passion for the club are still there for all to see, the cognitive response mechanism in his brain has deserted him to such a degree he can’t clearly remember anything about his own past, never mind put together a sensible recruitment strategy for the coming transfer window. King Kinnear is now in most people’s opinion a rambling idiot suffering from the early onset of dementia who’s digging a whole big enough for a third Tyne tunnel.
I do actually feel a bit sorry for King Kinnear, he knows he’s completely out of his depth hence his overstated list of achievements and contacts in the football world, all reeled off in the vain hope we’ll learn to love and trust the man. Leading to a print run of t-shirts stating ‘IN KINNEAR WE TRUST’ to be sold alongside the more believable ‘IN CARR WE TRUST’ alternative.
All joking apart, JFK is a man on the defensive, he knows he’s the luckiest man on the planet to have this job, he’s desperately trying to defend and justify the appointment and that’s why he keeps on coming out with all the ridiculous claims he’s made. Simply to try and convince us all he is in fact qualified for the job and that one day we’ll come to like and admire him.
I remember meeting a businessman from the North East who was a brilliant salesman but just about every word he spoke was a lie. The reason why he got away with it for so long was because he was able to talk himself through his own lies in his head 4 or 5 times on the bounce, which very quickly resulted in him believing his own lies and was therefore able to then go out and sell with such belief and passion you couldn’t actually think for one minute he was lying through his back teeth.
Needless to say this businessman is a very wealthy man and still to this day believes all his own hype and it’s obvious to me JFK is from the same planet, I honestly believe Kinnear believes everything he says, which to be honest is a shame for the lad.
Thus far we’ve covered the brilliant salesman bit, we’ve covered the theory he might just be a rambling idiot with early stages of dementia, which leaves us with the ultimate question to be answered. Is he or is he not ‘Pure genius’, and has he simply lulled us into a false sense of despair only to magic up some sort of miracle and leave us all hailing King Kinnear the genius, who fooled us all.
That one we can only realistically debate at the end of the summer transfer window because I think it’s only fair to give the lad a chance to prove us all wrong.
So, if he can stop Cabaye and Tiote and Cisse from leaving then he’ll certainly have proven his worth there…
…and if he can convince say three truly top players to join the ranks of NUFC this summer then again he’ll have gone some way to proving us all wrong…
…and if he gets rid of Pardew and attracts an up and coming manager along the lines of AVB or Laudrup then surely all will be forgiven…
…but back in the real world what do you think are the chances of JFK proving us all wrong?
Have a bet on Newcastle United next season – something for everybody!
66/1 NUFC to finish Top Four – View all odds HERE
9/1 NUFC to finish Top Six – View all odds HERE
11/10 NUFC to finish Top Ten – View all odds HERE
4/6 NUFC to finish Bottom Ten – View all odds HERE
1/20 NUFC to stay up – View all odds HERE
8/1 NUFC to be relegated – View all odds HERE
If you would like to feature on The Mag, submit your article to [email protected]