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Have You Fed The Goldfish?

8 years ago

It seems an eternity since it all started but I suppose it was never going to be straightforward.

All the fans, all the speculation, the press hyping it all up beyond belief.

I know that in the past I’ve been accused of not being a REAL fan but I just can’t honestly see why everyone gets so hung up on it.

But we finally got one over the line!

IT’S A BOY!!!! Whoop-de-doo!

Now let’s get down to the interesting stuff.

Always start with a joke! Its an old one but relevant.

Two guys in a bar and one mentions ‘lateral thinking’. The other has no idea what this is, so his friend explains.

He asks his friend “Do you have a goldfish?”


He goes on – “So from that simple question we can assume that you have children. Do you have children?”


“So we can further assume that you are married and as such you reap the benefits of a stable sexual relationship”

“Er,  Yes!”

“So, from the simple question, “Do you have a goldfish? Using Lateral Thinking I have reached the conclusion that you have regular sex”

“Bloody Hell! That’s amazing. “

Just then his mate Gaz comes in so he decides to try out this lateral thinking stuff on Gaz.

“Hey Gaz – hev ye gorra goldfish like”

Gaz replies “No!”


A couple of weeks ago I did a piece where I vented with regard to the quality of the ‘reporting’ on some of the other fan websites and put it down to the fact that any single cell organism can get access to a keyboard and the internet these days.

Turns out I might have missed the mark there.

It would appear that even the papers are using their own version of lateral thinking these days to arrive at a story, rather than just reporting the facts.

Yesterday I was reading something claiming to be attached to the Northern Echo.

In what could hardly have been more than 600 words, the journalist chose to ‘misinterpret’ 2 sets of facts central to the story.

The headline tells us ‘Talks stall as Magpies set to miss out on pair’ but the article fails to mention which ‘talk’s, or how they have actually stalled, simply referring to progress under JFK  as stuttering.

No actual factual link between the headline and the content.

A few paragraphs lower ‘this bringer of truth’ tells us that Bent was filmed by fans saying that he is, “waiting for either Newcastle or Fulham to make a move” .

A tad off the mark I fear. In the same video available on Youtube you can clearly hear the kids asking him if he’s going to Fulham, then another asks if he’s going to Newcastle.

He responds with, “we’ll see”, having previously told the kids he’ll be, “out of here in the next few days”.

Not sure how the Echo managed to make that read he’s, “waiting for either Newcastle or Fulham to make a move” , maybe there’s another video somewhere where he says he weighs the same as a duck!

There was a time when I thought that the papers had some kind of requirement for integrity. A duty to print facts. But it seems that they are just as irresponsible as we are.

Anyway, Steph Clark of the Northern Echo – 4/10, must try harder.

Well – must go , have to feed the Goldfish!!

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