Get your daily update and weekly newsletter by signing up today!


Joe Kinnell Prepares Names For Newcastle Transfer List

7 years ago

Official Announcement

Newcastle United is pleased to announce the appointment of Joe Kinnell as Director of Football. Derek Lambaster will be continuing as Finance Director.

Kinnell will be responsible for future transfer policy. An immediate change to this will be that the club will concentrate on finding players with easy names to pronounce.

Just Call Me Vernon…

Kinnell has said that some players will have to be “shifted out”, particularly if they have difficult names. Some will be offered the option of changing their names by deed poll in order to prolong their contracts and to avoid further confusion. This applies in particular to:

Matthew Debauchery


Cheque Tahiti

Mass Radio Hairdryer

Vernon Anteater

Gale Bigrumania

Roman Analfityouknow

Harris Fookit

Sylvia Marsbar

Gabriel Overdrive and

Mypoo …….too difficult to even think about

The club invites fans to suggest possible transfer targets but can confirm that Gale Cliché and Frank Lampoon will not be considered .


If you would like to feature on The Mag, submit your article to [email protected]

Have your say

© 2020 The Mag. All Rights Reserved. Design & Build by Mediaworks