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Joe Kinnear Brought In To Take The Heat

7 years ago
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At first there was confusion, as our lovable owner invited back our media friendly ex-manager as Director of Football. Then came the fear – what would Kinnear do first? Then, almost instantly, the mention of a certain Yohan Kebab and Derek Lambezee cast away any hope we have of success for this new arrangement – not to mention the recent cancellation of a transfer by our new Dictator of Football.

We Know The Feeling Joe!

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Getting to the point, why has Kinnear been appointed? To save Ashley’s money!

Ashley has brought in his mate to do a job, a hard job at that, but a job that Kinnear has already proved himself within: taking the heat in the media. The theory is simply that Ashley doesn’t want to spend any money, like he would be for the wage and signing on fee of Douglas Franco Teixeira – however he is now attempting to remove himself from these operations within the media.


This is where JFK comes in, a man hardened by past experience in the media, and capable of withstanding any amount of bad press. Graham Carr finds some fresh talent, Pardew goes to sign him, Ashley decides he doesn’t want to spend any money, so Kinnear does what he’s told and states something a long the lines of “Doogles is a cracking winger, but we here at Newcastle United feel the signing will not prove worthwhile” (he might stick the F word in there somewhere for good measure). All the while the pressure of the fans begin to heap more on Kinnear’s shoulders than Ashley’s – a slightly improbable con.

Yes there is little evidence for this theory, perhaps none at all, but the frustration caused by the perplexing movements of Mike Ashley leaves us to our imagination – trying to understand his actions. The appointment on paper is unquestionably pointless.

Graham Carr has effectively been acting as Director of Football from his position as Chief Scout. His successful past record, finding top bargain players, has gained the trust of our manager, this trust has ultimately gave him power, power equivalent to that of the Director of Football – if Carr says buy him, Pardew tries. So what is the need of filling a position that has been covered, rather successfully, by another man?

Sadly it feels like the cancellation of Douglas Franco Teixeira’s transfer, a proven centre half and Eredivisie winner with FC Twente, is a taste of things to come. After Kinnear stated he had never heard of Douglas, his clear lack of knowledge in general and incapability for the job has been illuminated. Llambias’ exit reflects a different kind of rage to the fans, as he may have spent months working on a Bosman signing, just to see it end in an act of delusion; this may be Kinnear marking his territory in some irrational manner. Fingers crossed Kinnear’s new found power doesn’t cause Carr to resign. As for the mention of (Yohan) Kebab during an interview with TalkSport, Kinnear leaves us enraged and bewildered. Yet he may have created a good advertising campaign for a few takeaway shops around town.

This is simply, and quite pathetically, a theory – nothing more. However, due to the enigma that is Mike Ashley, I do not think it’s implausible. At a crucial time for this club, where we should be trembling in excitement at the active response from the management team, instead we are left trembling with worry – only anticipating the worst. A very poor start to the summer – con man or not, Ashley is in the wrong.

Let’s hope Joel Kraner’s stay will be as short and sweet as his last.

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